To be feeling the dread kicking in

[Unblended5]

Good morning.

I need some advice, i got a little job in a local school for 2,5 hours a day around other things. Im hoping its a foot in the door for a job there full time.

So far i absolutely love the job and feel its a place i could achieve. I find all the staff lovely nd they have all gone out their way to be nice. But theres a problem. The lady who i work alongside with for an hour doing lunches doesnr appear to like me. Im noticing myself going on egg shells and almost feeling nervous. The amount of cutlery changes everyday and various but shes always firmly moaning at me that ive put too many xyz on the trays and then the next day it wont be enough. She never volunteeers information about the meals etc. Just mumbles when i ask. She has a work buddy who is our line manager. They barely look at me when i walk in often not saying hello. Yet they have an actual conversation amongst themselves.

Ive noted shes super friendly. Asks questions and smiles and chats to most the staff. Almost foes the extra mile. But she wont ask me a single thing about my kids or life. Ive tried to get her talking. I think sometimes she prerends she cant hear me, she also seemed more nit picky last week. I am dreading going in today, but i love the rest of the job. I have noticed her ignore a couple of the TA that are fairly new.

I need the job and im mid 30s. I dont know what to do,

Ignore them. Kill them with kindness. The kitchen staff were a cliquey lot in the schools I worked in and they didn’t like new comers coming into their kitchen but every single time they thawed. Just keep on. It’ll get better x

I’ve worked in places like this. People were really shit to me because I was new. Very cliquey. It’s unpleasant but I guess gives them a sense of power whilst working in a menial job? Hope it gets better for you 💐

This is a real shame.

In your shoes I would try to ignore whilst looking for a new job, as life is too short.

Keep a record of everything in case it is needed at any point.

Don’t let other people affect you. Just roll your eyes internally and let her get on with it. Dont give her that power over you. Focus on the nice people.
and call her out too - “Janet I want to check how many of these I should be putting on the tray as I don’t want to get it wrong?” If she gives you a number then she can’t moan next time!
Go into work today with a positive mindset. Think to yourself “I’m not going to let Janet upset me, she’s not worth it at all. Everyone else is great, she’s just a bitch.”

I luckily work in the classroom for 90 minutes but that first hour with her is hard, im naturally chatty and bubbly so im finding the quiet moody atmosphere hard. Im not sure how to not let it take over how i feel. I am tempted to email the head and ask to be concidered for classroom roles.

Kill with kindness, pity them, because imagine how pathetic your life must be to get territorial over a school kitchen -_-

Just don't speak to her unless its about the job. She's probably got the same idea and sees you as competition. If you speak to the head do not mention her.

Yes of course ask for classroom roles.

Could you ask to drop the non-classroom bit?

Thank you. She is alot older but some of the TAs my age love her, shes had small moments of being alright but soon gets arsy over a spoon or that i lefg blender out. Then tells me to leave the blender as the dinners need stacking. My daughters go to the school opposite so location wise its great. Im currently at college and hoping to start driving lessons, plus cleaning. So everything is in one area. So im gutted its gone like this at the first hurdle. I worked in a large environment before this and had no problems with being disliked. People asked how md and the kids were etc.

Id like to. I dont want to fo this for long when its making me feel 20 years younger than i am. I want to be treated like an adult, its been on my mind all weekend. Dreading opening the door and saying hello, i feel like shes thinking in her head great shes here. I think i smile too much maybe.

Be friendly and helpful to her. Act like you don't notice the atmosphere. However, at the same time don't spend all your time trying to make her like you. Make other friends and demonstrate youre friends in front of her - eg have a bit of a joke with other people in front of her. You are new and she's taking a while to warm up to you. Seeing others accept you will speed the process up.

You could ask for more classroom based roles, but you'll come across people again, who don't like you or treat you unkindly. Finding a way of dealing with it, is the best way.

It's an hour a day, so 5 hours a week. Not long. Its not like you're full time with this person

I'd be inclined to be super friendly and lovely to her. Dont show fear or unease, she'll thrive on that. If she criticises you just take it on the chin with a smile and be overly thankful for her help.

It would purely be for classrooms not to mention her

You're giving her way too much time in your head. She's very unimportant in the greater scheme of your career at the school

God that sounds awful. I've worked in schools for around 15 years (on and off) at lunchtimes, and have never found lunchtime staff like this.

If she's behaving like this towards the new TA's, then it doesn't sound like it's you she dislikes. Do you know the circumstances behind why you were employed? Did someone leave? Did the school leadership team feel another staff member is required? Did she object to a new staff member being employed in the kitchen?

Most schools struggle to find lunchtime staff, due to the work being slap bang in the middle of the day and it not being many hours.

How is your line manager towards you? Friendly? Talks to you? However, if she's pally with this particular staff member, it's going to be awkward to bring the situation up with her.

I think you have options: 1) ignore her behaviour, but if she's saying you're putting too much/not enough cutlery out, you need to stick up for yourself and say. 2) go to the SLT and speak to someone regarding her behaviour. 3) say nothing and find another job at a different school.

If the school is a primary, then usually the kitchen staff will have a list of children, who are having a hot school meal. It should give you a total of children for each year group, who are eating, so the correct amount of cutlery can be laid out. Your school may not work in exactly the same way as mine. This woman isn't training you properly, in order for you to do your job!

My school would bite your hand off, if you applied for a job at lunchtime!! We currently need 2 staff members, and no one is interested!!

Be friendly and polite but maybe less chatty. Get on with your job and as a PP said, ask her for clear instructions.
I know she is making it hard for you right now, but you don't actually need her to like you, you want her to know that you are doing a good job.

Some people just don't like change, for those people the effort of getting to know someone new can feel like a chore.
It's almost certainly not personal, but it can be difficult not to take it that way.
Might be helpful to consider her impatience as being situational, not personal, and once you're no longer new, she'll thaw.

You get people/groups like this is every school, just ignore it.
I worked in primary schools for 14 years and it’s sadly the norm when you have so many women working together.
Just be breezy and smile and know it’s not you, it’s her…

Talk to the Head Teacher - they will then have a duty to sort out this situation.This is workplace bullying. Sorry you are having to go through this OP.

Some people are just hard work, As many have said, kill with kindness is the best way to go and just smile and get on with things. You could even do mean lady bingo in your head. So every time she’s mean you get a point and when you get to 5 points you treat yourself to a coffee, 10 points and you get a cake too.

Just be civil to her and don't expect any social chat. You're giving this person a lot of power over you.

I would probably stop trying so hard. Just be polite and civil with less smiling and chat. As young people say, ‘match her energy’ and save your friendliness for the other parts of the job.

Never mind about them not being friendly to you - it’s up to them if they’ve decided they’ve got a problem with you.
For actual work stuff, be breezy but firm; cutlery: ‘The amounts you say we need seem to keep changing; can we pin it down once and for all so I know? Thanks!’ And if she mumbles, a polite ‘Can you say again? I didn’t hear’ with a professional smile.
Sod em.

I was a dinner lady in a private school in the 80s and two of the staff were awful and horrible to the paying children. One who used to serve the jacket pots would rather throw them in the bin than give the children seconds. The other thought I was after her job because I stood in for her whilst she was on holiday. I only had to take a tea tray to the head mistress, but this women had the right hump with me when she come back. I just ignored them. Two very sad old ladies. Im an old lady now but I would never treat anyone like they did.

Maybe she wanted someone else to join instead?

Ignore the cliquey thing. Be bright and breezy and look out for other things to do.