To be feeling the dread kicking in

[Unblended5]

Good morning.

I need some advice, i got a little job in a local school for 2,5 hours a day around other things. Im hoping its a foot in the door for a job there full time.

So far i absolutely love the job and feel its a place i could achieve. I find all the staff lovely nd they have all gone out their way to be nice. But theres a problem. The lady who i work alongside with for an hour doing lunches doesnr appear to like me. Im noticing myself going on egg shells and almost feeling nervous. The amount of cutlery changes everyday and various but shes always firmly moaning at me that ive put too many xyz on the trays and then the next day it wont be enough. She never volunteeers information about the meals etc. Just mumbles when i ask. She has a work buddy who is our line manager. They barely look at me when i walk in often not saying hello. Yet they have an actual conversation amongst themselves.

Ive noted shes super friendly. Asks questions and smiles and chats to most the staff. Almost foes the extra mile. But she wont ask me a single thing about my kids or life. Ive tried to get her talking. I think sometimes she prerends she cant hear me, she also seemed more nit picky last week. I am dreading going in today, but i love the rest of the job. I have noticed her ignore a couple of the TA that are fairly new.

I need the job and im mid 30s. I dont know what to do,

I would be less chatty and less smiley with her. You might be a bit too earnest and she is (wrongly) reacting to that. It is bitchy and it is spiteful, but sadly, not uncommon.

Do not give her this power over you. I would match her energy tbh and act more aloof around her. You don't need to be rude or standoffish, but definitely cool your interactions with her.

I think you're on to something there. From what I've heard about certain hospital areas such as maternity.

There's always one of these in every workplace. Probably insecure in themselves and sees you as a potential threat for whatever reason, and it manifests in this playground behaviour. So tedious. As other posters have advised, I would carry on sweetly and don't let it look like it is getting to you. At some point she will decide you are ' one of the girls ', especially if the general consensus of the other workers is that you are helpful and a team player, as she won't want to get left behind. However, if this situation doesn't resolve after a while a word in her line managers ear might be the best way to go. You could also just call her out on the spot , she may back down completely. I did that once to a colleague who was behaving that way toward me and never had any bother with her again.

Very interesting take, couldn't have put it better.

Grin and bear it for that hour and focus and how much you enjoy the classroom session. Email the head and let them know how much you enjoy the classroom environment and that you would love to be considered for a full classroom support role, when one becomes available.
You sound like you are really getting your life ready for a great future with family, studying, driving lessons, jobs. Keep focusing on all the positive parts.You've got this! x

I had a similar experience OP. It was rough. Even though you know they are awful people and wouldn't want to be friends with them outside of work it horrible to have to put up with the atmosphere. I stuck with it. Cried occasionally at home and tried to stay positive. It got better once they realised I wasn't going anywhere. And eventually a few things happened where other people saw the ring leader for who she was and she ended up quitting.

I feel for you, OP.
Many many years ago I worked for a few months in a small school kitchen.
My first day there, after shift, everyone sat down to eat.
I sat at the table with the kitchen staff, felt a presence behind me, and realised the oldest and most senior dinner lady was standing behind me, with a teapot.
Then someone told me I was sitting in her chair and I was mortified.
It was an ordinary table, ordinary chairs, but apparently everyone had a regular place that they sat in and no one thought to tell me!
It's a power trip.
For me, it took a fortnight or so before I felt comfortable.
I'm sure it will get better for you, but it will take time, although that doesn't excuse the childish behaviour.

Like the penguins in ‘Madagascar’ ….

smile and wave, just smile and wave

There could be a variety of reasons she's like that with you, but I'd take a guess that there have been a high turnover of staff doing that role and she's fed up of it. That's not your fault, but perhaps she's expecting you to only hang around for a short time before she has to start all over again with the next person.

Just keep being yourself. Say hello in your normal way, speak as you normally would. She may or may not come around but it's only an hour a day.

Match her energy.

Just go and do your job. And speak to the head about changing your role. Maybe hint about an atmosphere if you want?

It's hard when you're naturally outgoing and chatty. I am too. But we can sometimes rub people up the wrong way. Plus confidence can bother some. I'm older and give no fucks but may have done at your age?

Some woman isn't especially friendly to you (yet). It's a kitchen. Lots of people don't like working in them and are arsey. Just do the work and be polite and professional. She's not important.

She has no control or power over you whatsoever. It does not matter what she thinks about anyone or anything. If you put the wrong number of something on then fair enough for her to say so. Just make sure you do it right and get clear instructions.

I think this is right. But my, it sounds grim

OP please take the amazing advice on here, I know it's hard while you're in it but if I had a pound for every job I left because of 💩 like this, then I would be a lot wealthier than I currently am .

They may be feeling insecure, fed up and your bright fresh eager eyes seem like a contrast to their cynical, tired ones.

This
Why are being over friendly with someone who is treating you nastily?
I would politely but firmly address it
" You are picking about the cutlery again, are you ok?"
Firm, hard stare
She bullying you and you are just being all smiley -why?

I do college and another job aswel x

Killing with kindness? That’s a fawn response that people pleasers do. It looks weak imo and she will continue to disrespect you. Be very cold with her, who gives a shit how her weekend was? Stick to talking business and show her no warmth.

I kind of agree with this. I say try going in tomorrow and NOT saying hello to her and don’t give her any smiles. I bet it throws her off and she changes tack.

I wouldnt do this either

Essentially what she is doing is bullying, shes trying to feed her poor self esteem and boost her ego by snarky put downs
If you react emotionally in any way she gets a " hit"
Literally she enjoys your reaction
Its called supply

Ifvyou fawn , she gets a hit
If you ignore her she gets a hit plus she can then turn the tables and say you are ignoring her and a bully
Trust me they will do this

Have a baseline script
" Morning Janice"
"Bye Janice"
When she gets mean about cutlery FFS!
Just look at her straight faced and say flatly OK then carry on
Everytime OK
If she starts on something else pause deep breath, straight face
I didnt catch that, can you say that again?
Repeating it means the hit is gone
Then just say Ok, carry on working

So sorry you are dealing with this op when the job sounds great in every other way. I hate this sort of thing. Why do people have to be so petty? The line manager is being particularly unprofessional.

I wouldn’t kill them with kindness actually or try to make them like you. Just be resilient, reasonably cheerful and civil. Make friends elsewhere. And when she complains, say without any “edge” that you are happy to take on board any training offered.

It may be that there is a lot of staff turnover and she won’t expend any energy or warm to you until you have proved you are serious about the job! This can be a catch 22 though as no wonder so many people leave if it’s cliquey!

Good luck op! Hold your head up high. Try not to take it personally! And don’t give up. This opportunity and location sound too good not to fight for your place. I wouldn’t speak to the head yet until you have completed three months and then take stock.

Good luck 💐