To not buy her a tail, so she can be like her friend who ‘is a therian’

[Laura9899]

My ten year old has a friend who seems nice and has sane sensible normal parents and yet she wears a tail and tells my daughter she’s a therian. I’m not in any way happy with all the furry rubbish and this feels along the same lines. My daughter has now asked to be a cat for Halloween, then asked for a furry tail as part of her costume, and now I think it’s actually so she can join in with her friend. They are only ten so it’s likely just play but there’s no way I’m letting her go out in a tail 🙄.

No. You’re being naive if you don’t think that creepy male adults online haven’t removed the opportunity for kids out by themselves in public to play (as they might have completely innocently once done) wearing these types of dress up.

For safeguarding nowadays I wouldn’t be letting my kids go about without an adult with any of them wearing a tail, or their friends in tails, because I wouldn’t want them catching the eye of the increasing amount of creeps that online subcultures are emboldening.

I wouldn’t want my kids wearing tails with me taking them out either because I don’t want to look like one of the daft parents who would encourage this. Sorry, but the internet ruins things sometimes (as well as creating some good things). This is one of those examples.

Aww lovely, my post is a problem, meanwhile parents are buying questionable items for their children. Great stuff.
Plus, top notch parenting.

I’m sorry, and in no way am I saying children SHOULD be exposed to kinks or anything inappropriately sexual, but do you really think that any kinks between happy, consenting adults are so awful that they’re exposing children to it to “normalise” it?

We don’t kink shame, thank you.

Take the friend using the word therian out of this, and what do you have. A 10 year old who wants a cat costume for Halloween. If you hadn't heard of Therians no one would think there was a problem with that surely?
And I'm very saddened by all the people who think 10 is too old for imaginative play! No wonder kids feel the need to attach as adult label like therian if they are shamed for using their imagination while still in primary school!

Given her friend has talked about therians, I do think you would need to be cautious about internet use and where / when she wore it, behaviour around it etc, but the actual ask of can she wear a cat tail for Halloween - why not? I think you'll make it a bigger thing, and almost make her take the therian idea more seriously.

No, it’s not. Stop trying to normalise it.

“No, we don’t do things like that in this house darling, We don’t tell lies and we don’t pretend to be something we are not, Now, toast or cereal.? Or do you want eggs?”

Funnily enough, my child (same age) wore a self-made tail for a walk yesterday. Nothing to do with "identity" or being "therian" - just play. I didn't think twice about it, in fact I'd completely forgotten it until reading your post.

If you're clear on the fact that it's make belief and it does not happen in settings where there's a uniform code in place (school, clubs etc), I wouldn't make a big deal about it.

It is nonsense, I know a 55 year old woman who wears one, latest in a long line of fads, luckily she doesn’t insist to me or the wider public she’s a cat though it still looks odd when you bump into her in Sainsbury’s!

What age are they?

I was obsessed with cats (still am!) and used to pretend I had a tail when I was very young - pre-school. There was a faux-fur edging that my mum had removed from an afghan coat (this was the 1970s) and I used to fasten it to my waistband and walk round on all fours. I didn't actually believe I was a cat, I just wanted to be one, like I sometimes wanted to be a steam train and would wander round the house making chuffing noises.

When I was ten, I used to pretend I was a witch sometimes - not as a halloween thing, just generally in my head.

I think fantasy games are nice for children and should be encouraged. But, I would worry that a ten year old wearing a tail other than on a fancy dress occasion might be bullied, and if the OP's dd genuinely believes she is a cat that suggests a possibly unhealthy blurring of the lines between fantasy and reality - she might need mental health support, though good luck in getting any on the NHS.🙁

If your DD loves cats, contact with actual cats might help her express this in a more healthy way. If you don't have a cat, perhaps you have a friend or relative with cats who she could spend time with?

This.

my daughter went through this exact thing last year, with a friend who can be quite influential on her group of girls, when she was 10.
We had a very good chat about the ridiculousness of it and why her friend could be searching for an identity. She comprehended, stated it wasn’t that deep so I agreed she could wear one for Halloween, she’s arty and made some beautiful masks for them all so I didn’t want to stifle the creativity.
Then 3 of them wanted to wear their tales trampolining. I agreed knowing it wouldn’t go down well but some teasing from peers is more effective than my pearl clutching so I let her and lo and behold they were and they never wore them again. She’s 11 now and if I remind her she’s mortified 🤣

Said friend is now goth and my daughter is firmly side eyeing it.

Would i hell be letting her go down that idiotic route.

Nail on the head. Parents need to stop indulging their kids with this nonsense.

"Kids shouldn't play make believe games in case a paedophile sees" is such an odd take. I'm inclined to think paedophiles remain a risk whatever game a kid is or isn't playing, and besides which, surely most of us are supervising our dc?

I definitely pretended to be a pony in the primary school playground back in the 1980s with my friends. I'm a normal adult now, I promise.

My dd has a small tail, has done for around a year.

Thats the end of my story 🤷‍♀️

To the posters who don't understand why it's weird - it becomes weird when they start calling themselves "Therians". Theres a big cross over here with furries/ fetishists. If I could be bothered I would make a venn diagram....obviously they're only 10, but there's definitely an adult side to it that they're no doubt completely unaware of. It's still a bit uncomfortable though isn't it?

It’s just a phase. They are kids playing.
My youngest is an older teenager now but she went through exactly the same phase. Her and a friend spent hours galloping around the park wearing tails and masks, perfecting their cat like moves. They outgrew it as expected and it in no way linked to any adult furry community.
There’s so much pressure on 10 year olds to be grown up from peers and social media, they are just drawn to this type of playing as they still have that urge to play dress up and pretend and it’s an acceptable way to that to their peers. 🤷

In relation to children we absolutely should "kink shame'. It's called setting boundaries and all parents need to be confident enough to spot age inappropriate issues and ensure their child doesn't get caught up in them.

Fetish and kink shouldn't be anywhere near children.

I definitely pretended to be a pony in the primary school playground back in the 1980s with my friends. I'm a normal adult now, I promise.

Same. My parents didn't get involved to 'validate' me in any way though. I just galloped through the playground!

Christ on a bike, I'm glad my kids are 10 years too old for this shit.

Do you think that's what a 10 year old means when they say that they're a therian? That they're expressing a wish to join a kink community? Do 10 year olds even know what that is?

I don't. I just think it's their way of saying "I like dressing up and pretending to be a cat". Which is a fairly normal thing for a primary school kid to enjoy.

Ive no idea what a therian is nor do I care.

Your DD could go as a Manx cat so tailess.

🙄🙄 I mean, dress up, sure. My kids are constantly messing around in various costumes. Fine. Wear a tail, cool. But it’s just dressing up and having fun at home.

No you aren’t an animal, no you won’t expect other people to indulge it, no not in school.

I was still playing with barbies at 10, yet have grown up to have a career, kids and a mortgage. Why the rush to stop them playing pretend so young? Why would a kpop demon hunters costume for example be fine for Halloween, but not a cat? In a few years you will get to have fun with vapes and vomiting from drinking instead.