Pure Cremation is body disposal right?

[josephiine]

The advert makes it sound like it’s a lovely thing and saves money. I get that it’s cheaper but surely that’s because it is literally a body disposal service?
My FIL has just planned his, he asked my husband if he minds which he doesn’t, but it got us talking, am I missing anything?

I'm just guessing. It wouldn't bother me if I was just in a bag and mixed with others personally. As long as it wasn't done in public view. If I didn't want to pay extra for it to be more 'dignified'.
As long as they do what they say they will and it's hygienic etc then it's fine surely.

Everyone gets put into a coffin.
No one is cremated with other people. That would be illegal.
No ones ashes are mixed with others.
Ashes are actually terrible for plants.

I don't understand what you mean by this, as the body will be stored in a cold facility to hold back decomposition, my Mum wasn't embalmed and she'd been dead a fortnight when I visited her.

But anyway, you could visit the closed coffin with flowers, perhaps a letter you'd like put in with him, to say Goodbye?

I didn't want my dads ashes, his were spread outside in some garden and I got a certificate saying where it was.

Ok cool. I just thought they might and it wouldn't really bother me if I paid for a very basic service and they explained that's what would happen.
But if it's illegal then of course it shouldn't happen.

I should have phrased that better. Yes, families are offered the ashes individually, or they can be put in a remembrance garden attached to the crematorium.

But that’s like normal, the body doesn’t get cremated after the service. I think tv shows give the impression that the coffin goes on a conveyor belt to the furnace.

It depends what has been paid for, it usually is a collect, cremate and ashes drop off service, with NO extras like viewing the body, they are often taken miles away from where they live.

A friend of mine's dad died last year and his mum and dad, had unbeknownst to him arrange pure cremation, so he went to the house where his dad had just died, a company turned up to collect his body and take it around 80 miles away to be prepped for cremation.. he didn't know about it, and his mum had no idea that was what was going to happen and was distraught he was being taken so far away. He managed to put a stop to it and phone a local funeral directors to take over instead, they still did a direct cremation through the local one, but they got to see him in the chapel of rest to say goodbye first, it would only have been £600 more for using the local funeral director and having options to say goodbye.

I really like the idea of a direct cremation, assuming you still have a wake, but I think people need to be made fully aware of what actually happens and make sure their loved ones know too so it's not a shock.

My PIL has already sorted his, we're going to have a wake when his ashes come back.

Everyone grieves differently and not everyone will find comfort from a "traditional" funeral.

For various reasons, I opted for an unattended cremation for my husband, this year. I do not think that an attended cremation for a very small number of people followed by some kind of small awkward gathering would have provided me or my adult son with "closure".

I also lost a partner over 40 years ago. His brother and I did arrange an attended cremation followed by a small gathering for close family members only. That did not provide "closure", either.

But you might not be grieving, that’s not a given.

We did this last year for a young family member who died very suddenly in traumatic circumstances. None of us could have coped with a funeral service, and one of their last requests was " please don't give me a funeral because I don't want to die" and their parent respected that. We have planted flowers at one of the places they were happiest, we talk about them all the time though i have to say the pain seems far worse in our second year of loss, the utter shock and unreality has worn off and we are now at the stage of realising they are gone forever. I hold them in my heart and think of them many times every day

My friend had it and was tough without a funeral. It all went ok though. She booked it 2 months before she was diagnosed with cancer and gone 9wks later.

The body is in a cold store. They offered mum the option to prepare the body for viewing, she said no. No viewings. I imagine the coffin will be very basic, probably cardboard or something. I can’t imagine anything worse than seeing him like that. It would make it all so much worse.

My Mum's funeral was peak pandemic, and we had the only 10 allowed rule, all sitting apart. I've never 'liked' funerals, however that experience was awful.
I'm not having a service, I'll be getting cremated directly. My loved ones can gather to scatter my ashes.

Then perhaps writing a letter to say all you want to and burn it in the garden to say Goodbye

Indeed.

And some people where a relative has been ill for a long time, especially if they have been a carer for that person, will likely have done a good deal of grieving already, watching a loved one disappear little by little over the course of years, months or weeks.

See this is where it’s so individual. It actuially traumatised me but I can see why it would be the opposite for many others. If I could add anything I would say really think about it first becuse you can’t really go and do it differently tbh.

but its made clear in the adverts?

The Good Funeral Guide has a Google Form for anyone to share their experience of a Direct Cremation https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdYmBC7StZyq9234g5bU_3iNpnvbJ8A4U_qXItkKuonWc0Xnw/viewform

It's quite detailed so if your experience is fairly recent you might prefer to bookmark the link for when things are a little less raw.

Jo

My husband and I used their services during the pandemic when his dad died. We couldn’t have a funeral at the time. We were sent his ashes afterwards. It was the service we needed at the time.

My Dad arranged this for himself. He didnt want us to pay lots of money for me, my mum and my half brother to sit through an awkward service. It was fine, didnt effect my grieving or ability to say goodbye at all.

My mum wants the same, then us to have a party at a later time.

My husband died at 45, we had a funeral and cremation.

See I really mind when people talk as though everyone grieves the same and is helped by the same things. I really lost it at work once quite a few years ago now when we had a lady in for respite (when NHS community hospitals did respite) and her husband, who had been ill for some time, had a heart attack and died. Obviously she was very upset but decided not to attend the funeral. There was an uprising among the staff who thought that she HAD to go to the funeral or she wouldn't "get closure" and honestly some of them wanted to force her to go.
When my own husband died, simple cremation wasn't a thing so it was just myself and siblings at the crematorium (all parents had died and he had no sibs) and we had a really short non religious service. I know this shocked his work colleagues and hobby colleagues but it was what i needed.

You do you and leave the rest of us to do us.

I know there is a lot wrong with religion, but this is what's left when religion leaves society. The body is sacred, not just animal waste to be disposed of. We have a terrible death culture in this country.

Many people disagree. You do you. And leave other people to have the funeral that they want.

I couldn't disagree more!

The Body is just a vehicle for the personality/soul.

Nothing "sacred" about it when it's rotting underground or ashes scattered to the winds.