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AIBU?

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AIBU for saying my DH needs to man tf up

236 replies

ambitiousqueen · Today 09:31

DH has just gotten a very good job promotion, and I am very proud of him. Obviously. Lovely salary, lovely title, everyone congratulating him etc. BUT. He is destined for an even greater promotion (CEO level). Don't ask how I know this.
The problem is DH keeps saying he doesn't want to "get involved in office politics" and that “nature will take its course” I've tried encouraging him. I've said, hypothetically, if there was a person standing between my DH and the CEO position, then perhaps one might consider... removing the obstacle. metaphorically I mean
Also, I may have suggested that DH invite the current CEO round for a nice little dinner.Purely hospitality, obviously. DH said he was worried about the consequences, particularly the whole "divine judgement, eternal damnation" side of things. Blah blah blah
Honestly, he's overthinking it.
I am NOT saying DH should kill anyone. Obviously not... at least not with his eyes open. I'm only saying that hypothetically, if one wanted to rise to the very top, one might need to show a little more ambition
AIBU to think DH needs to man up and seize his opportunity?
FWIW, I’ve already laid out the plan, and the metaphorical dagger is just waiting to be used.

OP posts:
DannyDeever · Today 10:54

LondonLass2026 · Today 10:48

What on earth are you blabbing on about? How are you planning to "remove the obstacle" which is another person? Who are you to decide who stays and goes? You need your head read.

If only there was some kind of artwork that explored all these questions.

inerja · Today 10:54

I didn’t even read this. Your language is sexist and misogynistic and you are a woman and should know better.
yes you are being unreasonable just for the title

DannyDeever · Today 10:55

Your language is sexist and misogynistic

Agree. It's like something from the middle ages.

IDontCareWhatMyUsernameIs · Today 10:56

‘Don’t ask how I know this’ 🤣🤣

What level of industrial espionage is going on at this local paper merchant or whatever it is.

Calm doon woman. You sound unhinged.

HoppingPavlova · Today 10:57

I’m guessing this is a joke, talking about Meghan pushing Harry to bump off Wills to gain the top post inbetween Charles going and George coming of age.

If it’s not that, then the OP is insane and should worry about their own promotions instead of inserting themself in their DH’s work.

Littlebitpsycho · Today 10:57

NotTheDramaMum · Today 09:51

NTA!!! Lovely promotion, lovely salary, but why stop there? You’re right to want more for him. 💅

Edited

Why? Maybe he's happy with the position he has now?

If she wants more, why doesn't she go out and get a promotion? Or does she just want him to earn more so she can spend it.

OP leave the poor bloke alone, he's clearly doing very well without your input. If he wants another promotion he will go for it

inerja · Today 10:57

DannyDeever · Today 10:55

Your language is sexist and misogynistic

Agree. It's like something from the middle ages.

Thank you. Glad it’s not just me! Very rarely do i automatically take the man’s side but there’s a first for everything!

Damnloginpopup · Today 10:58

I nominate this as one for classics.

Damnloginpopup · Today 11:01

inerja · Today 10:57

Thank you. Glad it’s not just me! Very rarely do i automatically take the man’s side but there’s a first for everything!

...and nothing is, but what is not

DannyDeever · Today 11:01

Damnloginpopup · Today 10:58

I nominate this as one for classics.

Yup, someone should write a play about it.

Damnloginpopup · Today 11:03

DannyDeever · Today 11:01

Yup, someone should write a play about it.

Indeed. It is a tale as old as time.

Well, not quite that old but...

OooPourUsACupLove · Today 11:04

SallyRabbit · Today 10:49

Instead of YABU or YANBU, can I vote for: You are being WEIRD?

Yeah, there's some weird sisters out there for sure.

Damnloginpopup · Today 11:04

Littlebitpsycho · Today 10:57

Why? Maybe he's happy with the position he has now?

If she wants more, why doesn't she go out and get a promotion? Or does she just want him to earn more so she can spend it.

OP leave the poor bloke alone, he's clearly doing very well without your input. If he wants another promotion he will go for it

Do you mean to say that OP's cause of sorrow must not be measured by his worth, for then it has no end?

SaySomethingMan · Today 11:05

What work do you do and what level are you? There’s encouraging your partner to be/do their best and there’s what you seem to be trying to do here…

freezingmytoesoff · Today 11:05

I think the OP is behaving like a fool and lighting the way to dusty death...

purplecorkheart · Today 11:05

Christ, you need to stop watching 1980 American Dramas and get a life instead. Maybe focus on your own career and not your dhs.

Butchyrestingface · Today 11:06

Is this you doing Macbeth for school, @ambitiousqueen ? GCSE or Nat 5?

It fair takes me back ...

DannyDeever · Today 11:09

freezingmytoesoff · Today 11:05

I think the OP is behaving like a fool and lighting the way to dusty death...

I was today years old when I realized where Alistair MacLean got that from! Thanks!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · Today 11:14

It really won’t end well I suspect you’ll find that it doesn’t make you happy in the long run. You will be on here complaining about where our desire is got without content.

HelpMeGetThrough · Today 11:14

Is your husband called Jerry?

AIBU for saying my DH needs to man tf up
Damnloginpopup · Today 11:15

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · Today 11:14

It really won’t end well I suspect you’ll find that it doesn’t make you happy in the long run. You will be on here complaining about where our desire is got without content.

Yep. It provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance.

BeurialJimberley · Today 11:17

I thought we were over aggressive toxic masculinity in the workplace. Jesus Christ

PlayingDevilsAdvocateisinteresting · Today 11:19

ambitiousqueen · Today 09:31

DH has just gotten a very good job promotion, and I am very proud of him. Obviously. Lovely salary, lovely title, everyone congratulating him etc. BUT. He is destined for an even greater promotion (CEO level). Don't ask how I know this.
The problem is DH keeps saying he doesn't want to "get involved in office politics" and that “nature will take its course” I've tried encouraging him. I've said, hypothetically, if there was a person standing between my DH and the CEO position, then perhaps one might consider... removing the obstacle. metaphorically I mean
Also, I may have suggested that DH invite the current CEO round for a nice little dinner.Purely hospitality, obviously. DH said he was worried about the consequences, particularly the whole "divine judgement, eternal damnation" side of things. Blah blah blah
Honestly, he's overthinking it.
I am NOT saying DH should kill anyone. Obviously not... at least not with his eyes open. I'm only saying that hypothetically, if one wanted to rise to the very top, one might need to show a little more ambition
AIBU to think DH needs to man up and seize his opportunity?
FWIW, I’ve already laid out the plan, and the metaphorical dagger is just waiting to be used.

Well, he could of course follow your demands advice @ambitiousqueen, and it might even work, he might become the person you want him to be, but at what cost?

Of course, I am not talking about any financial costs here, I am referring to the very clear fear that in doing your bidding, he could be going against his own desires, and maybe even the moral code that he holds himself to. If you wish to challenge, and even override, his own ethical principles, you are risking him feeling truly emasculated, and resentful!

So, if you manage to convince him to push for the status that you want for him - for you, you could actually end up losing some, or even all, of the aspects of his personality that you presumably, and at least partially, fell in love with him for in the first place?

Humiliating anyone is a horrible thing to do, but to potentially and purposely do so to your own partner is very unpleasant, and risks him feeling so inadequate, that it could quickly erode his own self-confidence, and any respect and - possibly, even - any love that he has for you. As other PPs have suggested OP, if status, and having lots of money, is your main desire, wouldn't it be much better to achieve them by yourself, and for yourself?

Sleepthief · Today 11:20

I have a feeling this won’t end well for most of the parties involved, which would be a tragedy!

Damnloginpopup · Today 11:22

BeurialJimberley · Today 11:17

I thought we were over aggressive toxic masculinity in the workplace. Jesus Christ

But surely we should let every man be master of his time?