To be furious hospital have allowed DS to come home after overdose

[PeachyPixel]

I honestly dont know where to start with this because its been one thing after another with DS and Ive been fighting for support for what feels like forever and getting absolutely nowhere

DS is 14. Yesterday he had a suicide attempt and DP took him to hospital. Hes home now and Im just completely beside myself because it feels like hes been sent back to us as if nothing has happened and were somehow supposed to know what to do next

He has been self harming for quite a while as well. He was referred to CAMHS last year and we had the initial appointment and then basically nothing happened afterwards. School have also made referrals and Ive had meeting after meeting with them. Every time theres another meeting another person saying theyre going to look into something or put something in place and then nothing actually changes. They are now talking about fines because of his attendance which honestly makes me want to scream

Weve been asking for help from everyone I can think of. School GP CAMHS everyone. And I know nobody can magically fix a 14 year old but I genuinely thought there would be something more than us constantly being told to wait or having another meeting

Things have got worse over the last year. We moved house recently and hes been hanging around with some boys who live nearby and smoking weed with them. Hes been smoking it for months. We knew about it but havent been able to stop it. In the summer he was arrested after being found in possession of drugs. They wanted information from him about who had given them to him and he wouldnt tell them. Weve had the police involved school involved CAMHS involved and still somehow ended up here

Ovssd the summer he also ended up in hospital after getting really drunk. Hed taken alcohol from home without us knowing to try and impress the boys. I dont even know what to say anymore because its just one thing after another and weve been saying for ages that something isnt right

A CAMHS worker came to see him in hospital this morning. DP said they asked him to leave so they could speak to DS alone but DS said no so DP stayed. From what hes told me they didnt seem very thorough. They asked DS why he did it and DS just shrugged. Thats basically what happened. I know I wasnt there and maybe Im missing something but it just doesnt feel like enough to me

Now hes home. DP has taken his phone off him because hes worried about what hes looking at and who hes talking to. DS is obviously furious about that and has barely spoken to us. DP thinks we need to keep everything calm and not start throwing questions at him. I know hes probably right but Im so angry and frightened that I dont know how to switch that off

And before anyone says it yes I know the weed the other drugs alcohol school and his friends are all issues. Im not pretending they arent. But Ive been trying to get help for him before any of this got to this point. Thats the bit thats making me so angry. Ive been asking for help and going to meetings and making calls and doing everything Im told to do and now were here anyway

I just dont understand how we can have a child who has self harmed been referred to CAMHS had school referrals been arrested over drugs ended up in hospital drunk and now had a suicide attempt and still be basically left to sort it out ourselves

What am I actually supposed to be asking for here because Im exhausted and DS is back home and Im terrified of getting it wrong again. I keep thinking I should have done more but I dont even know what more I could have done

CAMHS worker here.
The appt at the hospital with the CAMHS worker should have been a risk and mental health assessment, plus risk management advice given to your son and your DP. Are you sure that didn't happen? If so that's poor.
Also at that app the worker should have given an indication of what will happen in terms of follow up.
If you are unclear about any of the above, call your local CAMHS, they should have a duty worker you can speak to.
If you are still concerned about your DS mental state or continued risk then do call and tell them and ask for further rapid support. They may have a CAMHS crisis team they can refer to.

What astounds me is that every time we have young people take overdoses, they're discharged obviously quite quickly once their bloods are fine because there's no physical reason to remain, however theres no follow up or liver function testing or anything like this months down the line.

Recently I asked again about this for another child and was quite sternly shut down in the meeting as if I'd said something stupid!!

Weve been together since DS was about 3.

DS wanted him to go with him to the hospital. I dont see anything bad about that especially considering how long DP has been in his life.

He will be saying he doesn't know what's wrong, because he probably doesn't.
Would he draw? It can be helpful for people struggling

I think you were right to give DS exactly the support he asked for OP.

This is a time that is about building trust and bridges.

Is therapy any good for a weed user?

I dont know if hes still cutting tbh. He wears a hoodie most of the time even when it’s not really cold so it’s hard to know whats going on. The other thing that worries me is when he isnt cutting he does pick at the cuts and thats still a worry because of infection etc. Ive told him to leave them alone but he doesnt always listen.

And at the hospital was checked over and treated last night after they got there but the CAMHS person wasnt there then as it was late. They were told to wait until this morning for someone to come and speak to him.

When she came round this morning she asked him why he did it and if he would do it again. DP said he just shrugged at both questions and didnt really say much at all. Then after that he was allowed to come home.

I dont know if there was meant to be more of an assessment or anything because DP said it was basically those questions and DS wasnt saying much. There wasnt much said to us about what happens next either which is why Im so confused about it all.

I will contact CAMHS and ask what is meant to happen next because obviously Im still worried about him.

You poor poor things. We’ve been through some very hard times too and I can’t think of much worse.it sounds like you are trying so hard to be a good parent but that you’re hitting your head against a brick wall. We paid for private counselling as CAMHS was and is totally overwhelmed. I really don’t know what their criteria for helping out is if it’s not a wonderful child attempting suicide. That’s not to criticise the people working there. Any help you can get from school or social services is worth it. Your child might get on better with some counsellors than others. Don’t be embarrassed, Do be honest with your child. Hide the knives and paracetamol and tell them you have to take steps to protect them. In their more communicative times ask can they think of any steps that might help you protect them? Spend time with them as others have said. Maybe a nice hot chocolate somewhere or out to the Nike store or whatever floats their boat. If your son is reacting badly to the lack of phone, just keep repeating that you are trying your hardest to keep them safe. And believe in yourself. He will push back but you are parenting at a very difficult time. Lots of love for him and you and your husband. Sadly so many people have been through this. But even though I feel I can never really relax, the worst time was only 18 months of so. And that was about 4/5 years ago. You can do this. I’m sending you my very best

Mine did this too tbf I could only control what I could but if they are determined, they find a way to self harm.

Our GP gave my DS an elastic band, he was told to snap it gently against his wrist should he feel the urge to self harm. He promptly learned to use the band to hurt himself by snapping it so often it left bruising, pulling so tight it left marks on his skin. I had to get rid of it.

I know you cant force the ADHD meds into him but dangerous behaviour is a sign of adhd its a form of searching for dopamine. Is there an alternative to what he was taking?

This isnt any different to what happens every time. The worker he will have seen would have been the crisis CAHMS worker (or the equivalent in your area), a referral then should be made for the locality team to follow up

In our area we have a Home Treatment team, who will visit every few days in the next few days but thats rare, you have to push for that

There should be a safety plan and management plan so they can advise you, then plans for when he might be seen but half the time you dont get that.

I think its important to work on safe self harm for him.

Has he ever had any work around the intensity of feelings that ADHD can create and that sometimes people feel the only way to get away from those feelings is to not want to be here, but thats not really wanting to end 'life' as it were?
Additionally, the intensity of feelings/emotions/thoughts etc, sometimes are just expressed physically, behaviourally, this is what CAMHS mean by behavioural rather than a MH issue per se.
It could be a sensory need to cut

Dont be frightened of asking questions and let him know its ok to not know the answers because even adults struggle to recognise what we're thinking sometimes.

Could you try childline or the crisis team? Crisis will only help if DS acknowledges it was an attempt at suicide

I am so sorry you’re going through this.
we have had similar discharge and then no follow-up with a suicidal family member but they are over-18. I presumed children would receive better care,

the NHS squanders money on pointless management consultancy firms and middle management. There’s nothing left to properly train and pay the hard-working frontline staff

I'm so sorry this is happening. We are in exactly the same situation. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

My DD is 14. Self harming for several years due to extreme trauma from bullying, kids told her to kill herself every day throughout year 7, trauma from her father I didn’t find out about until years later. Autism with PDA. Hysterical meltdowns and physically attacking me from age 7. CAHMS multiple appointments, multiple school meetings, multiple GP appointments, multiple useless therapy sessions, overdose. Constant threats about fines and being taken to court from school ongoing for the last 3 years, even when changed to new school. After one CAHMS appointment they recorded that I had exacerbated her poor mental health by day in day out trying to get her into school while I was under constant threat of fines and social services involvement, which I actually ended up calling and begging for! We were eventually given a family support worker who was utterly useless too! DD very clearly depressed and anxiety out of any control.
The one thing that finally helped was that our GP said that she would write to CAHMS herself offering to medicate DD under her supervision - which she has done before and she also used to work for CAHMS years ago. They accepted. 5 months down the line taking antidepressants she is a different child. It is so unbelievably hard to get them real help or medication at this age. But post 16 they’re happy to prescribe!

Depriving your DS of his phone seems counterproductive. Punishment will only aggravate the situation. Talk to him, empathize with him, support him.

Sorry for what he and you are going through OP . I'm sorry to say that there really Is no help or support and it's best to accept this now.

It's very distressing to watch your child in so much pain but don't waste time expecting that help and support is coming because it isn't. I know this all too well , I am the only support for my son who has suffered from poor MH since his teens , he's now 50 .

MH services in this country are almost non existent and basically it's left up to the family .

Your fear and anxiety will not be helping him to open up to you which is something he really needs to do .

Give him a little time , create a calm supportive atmosphere in the house and encourage him to talk when he's ready .

Just to add, I’m so sorry that this is happening to you and your DS. It is honestly like screaming into the void. You are doing everything exactly right, your instinct to protect and help him is absolutely right. It is disgusting that there is such a poor system to fight over and over when a child really needs help. I wish you the best of luck and sending a big hug

we have been in a different but similar situation.

ask the LA what alternative provisions they have in light of your sons serious situation. Pressure the school to provide the alternative provision. Explain it’s life or death.

next time he's in hospital refuse to take him home unless his been seen by a psychiatrist and given fluoxetine or similar. We also had melatonin for sleep prescribed. This was a game changer for us.

Positive Male role models needed. Get him involved in sports or other physical activities like gardening or car cleaning. Also footy, cycling, running, judo, indoor climbing, sailing,

what are his strengths and loves? What brings him joy?

start looking at future opportunities and whats needed to move on from school. A level 2 apprenticeship in plumbing or other trade so he has income, newfound skills, can be part of a team.

most of all make him feel well loved and cared for

I’m sorry, I don’t agree. The drugs and alcohol situation is out of hand for this 14 year old boy. A lot can be going on behind the scenes here. Taking his phone away is safeguarding him from his peers who are complicit and detrimental to him.

We were told that the LA did not have to provide alternative provisions. Also tried asking GP for Melatonin - can only be prescribed by a paediatrician but she did off the record tell me where to buy it from, I did so and it helped a lot. I guess things are different in different areas of the country but I’m very well versed in the struggle we’ve endured here in the NW

I think CAMHS are pretty powerless. The best thing they did for us was provide a social worker, sounds scary but she was very good at talking to DS and supplied us with good advice and connections. Secondly, if you can afford it, get him a private psychiatrist, it’s quicker and they can prescribe if needed. Sending love.

op I just want to say how sorry I am that you are all going through this. It very much mirrors our experience with our now adult son who smoked a lot of weed from 14 onwards. He’s 26 now and alcoholic and has had multiple suicide attempts. It pushes you to breaking point. I wish I had wisdom but we are still in the weeds. I am so sorry.

OP my heart breaks for your son and you . What you describe is very common with severe ADHD and demand avoidance but it doesnt sound like you are making the link here. I'm going to ramble a few things off here and you need to take action and FAST. The cutting is severe emotional pain - they cut to release themselves of the emotional pain and they cannot verbalise it. His school attendance and avoidance also speaks of one of or a couple of things combined : could be bullying at school or social media and you are unaware. Could be severe learning difficulties and feeling like a,failure which at 14 they realise and it starts to manifest . Get a meeting with school ASAP to apply gor an EHCP and an immediate course with the pastoral team or ELSA (THEY will know what that is and you insist on it ). Ask what his attainment is at school ad he sounds behind but not disruptive in class so its a big miss and EHCPs are often overlooked. I am not so sure you know about these so am going to assume you do but if you dont get CHATGPT to explain it all to you and fast. Copy my message in. Ring CHAMS and insist on an immediate referral for therapy. Get your GP to do an immediate referral. Speak to or write your son a letter to please engage and talk to someone. Plead if u have to. Personally id move hom to a new school almost immediately but get his current attainment snd records from current school ASAP so you can apply for EHCP. I dont know your family set up but the 3rd trigger after learning issues, feeling inferior and bullying is of course abuse (sexual, physical, mental etc) is there any possibility of this ? Is it possible your break up and him not seeing his dad (although sounds like a long time ago) has had any impact on him? This poor kid is crying out for help and you have done LOADS but you need to step up your game NOW and take control. Tell him whatever is going on you are taking the lead in sorting it. You love him. Nothing he has been involved in or feeling is too big an issue to solve and you WILL fight for him . This could have been my son..... very similar profile but I intervened quickly and early and if I didnt I would definitely be where you are now. Adhd kids have it very hard and at this age they cannot explain why they are angry or feel inferior and they gravitate towards anyone that will make them feel they belong. Plse see this as a wake up call. Pay privately if you can for therapy - a child psychiatrist and even an educational psychologist if school says SEND and attainment low. If this is a severe issue and anxiety causing then home schooling might jeed to ne looked at but you have a lot to do before then. Plse dont be passive here as no one is going to advocate for your kid like u can. He has gcse coming up in a year and the pressure could be even worse for him then. The Weed is also a big psychotic and /or depression inducing substance and some kids will spiral quickly as a result. Please keep in touch and let us know how u get on. So much strongs and hugs to u both xx

100% this! The CAMHS worker asking why actually had me shaking my head!