To be furious hospital have allowed DS to come home after overdose

[PeachyPixel]

I honestly dont know where to start with this because its been one thing after another with DS and Ive been fighting for support for what feels like forever and getting absolutely nowhere

DS is 14. Yesterday he had a suicide attempt and DP took him to hospital. Hes home now and Im just completely beside myself because it feels like hes been sent back to us as if nothing has happened and were somehow supposed to know what to do next

He has been self harming for quite a while as well. He was referred to CAMHS last year and we had the initial appointment and then basically nothing happened afterwards. School have also made referrals and Ive had meeting after meeting with them. Every time theres another meeting another person saying theyre going to look into something or put something in place and then nothing actually changes. They are now talking about fines because of his attendance which honestly makes me want to scream

Weve been asking for help from everyone I can think of. School GP CAMHS everyone. And I know nobody can magically fix a 14 year old but I genuinely thought there would be something more than us constantly being told to wait or having another meeting

Things have got worse over the last year. We moved house recently and hes been hanging around with some boys who live nearby and smoking weed with them. Hes been smoking it for months. We knew about it but havent been able to stop it. In the summer he was arrested after being found in possession of drugs. They wanted information from him about who had given them to him and he wouldnt tell them. Weve had the police involved school involved CAMHS involved and still somehow ended up here

Ovssd the summer he also ended up in hospital after getting really drunk. Hed taken alcohol from home without us knowing to try and impress the boys. I dont even know what to say anymore because its just one thing after another and weve been saying for ages that something isnt right

A CAMHS worker came to see him in hospital this morning. DP said they asked him to leave so they could speak to DS alone but DS said no so DP stayed. From what hes told me they didnt seem very thorough. They asked DS why he did it and DS just shrugged. Thats basically what happened. I know I wasnt there and maybe Im missing something but it just doesnt feel like enough to me

Now hes home. DP has taken his phone off him because hes worried about what hes looking at and who hes talking to. DS is obviously furious about that and has barely spoken to us. DP thinks we need to keep everything calm and not start throwing questions at him. I know hes probably right but Im so angry and frightened that I dont know how to switch that off

And before anyone says it yes I know the weed the other drugs alcohol school and his friends are all issues. Im not pretending they arent. But Ive been trying to get help for him before any of this got to this point. Thats the bit thats making me so angry. Ive been asking for help and going to meetings and making calls and doing everything Im told to do and now were here anyway

I just dont understand how we can have a child who has self harmed been referred to CAMHS had school referrals been arrested over drugs ended up in hospital drunk and now had a suicide attempt and still be basically left to sort it out ourselves

What am I actually supposed to be asking for here because Im exhausted and DS is back home and Im terrified of getting it wrong again. I keep thinking I should have done more but I dont even know what more I could have done

I think so called professionals lecturing to struggling parents how to mange hugely difficult young people with zero support is a bit rich.

This was me sadly, I did the exact same thing at age 16. It wasnt anything to do with drugs, I didnt hang around with the wrong crowd, I was just an incredibly sad kid living with an abusive mother.

This was such a long time ago, so im sure things have changed, but I remember being released within hours even when I was just under critical and you could just see the sadness...
My mother didnt come, and I was there with her BF at the time.

I do remember the crisis team coming out and speaking to me at home but case closed and nothing was done.

Youre doing what you should be doing.. he has love and support and even if it feels like nothing, I can assure you to a kid in distress that safety means the world.

The LA wont get anywhere with fines for this OP, he is clearly too unsettled or emotionally dysregulated to attend.

None of this is your fault as I said, and no, no one except one weird poster thinks you can stop kids smoking weed, you cannot lock him up

Would he think about a change of meds for the ADHD, there are lots of different ones, ones that dont have the associated nausea and appetite reducation? Does he know about this?

What was the type of self harm?

The same thing happened with my daughter when she was that age. Seems to be the standard response. The crisis team (well someone from the crisis team) came to see her in hospital, wrote some stuff down, told me to bring her back to a&e if she did it again and sent her/us on our way. I was very much at a loss as what to do and I can’t say I handled it well. I ransacked her room looking for things she could hurt herself with: pencil sharpener blades and paracetamol were her “weapon” of choice. I took away her razor. She was absolutely fucking furious. I understand why, but I don’t regret that given how many things were in her room that she has clearly used to cut with of course, that didn’t stop the cutting she always found a way. I slept on her bedroom floor night after night.

I’m truly sorry your family are going through this right now. It’s terrifying. Each time I came home from hospital with my newborns after giving birth I was scared I’d fuck it up and something terrible would happen to my precious baby. Bringing my child home from hospital after she overdosed was so much worse. I didn’t have the money to but if you do, would you consider paying privately for counselling/therapy?

Its victim blaming. The day after a suicide attempt the child finally meets a stranger from CAMHS with their tick box lists and fails to "open up" in the brief time available. Obviously an uncooperative patient who doesn't deserve their important time 🙄

OP every thread on this subject throws up the same issues with first getting access to CAMHS and then getting any quality of care from CAMHS, especially if your child doesn't fit into a handy box.

Do you or your family have any financial resources you can call on to find help outside the system? If you can find a recommendation for a good adolescent psychiatrist privately that may be the only help realistically available. Its not right but its likely to be best opportunity.

Well I think conversely CAMHS are very very reluctant to diagnose depression, I cannot think of a young person in over 20 years where there has been a really clear MH diagnosis for and you can forget getting your hands on a full assessment report, I never see one

However, that is what they mean by its behavioural for children on the spectrum, its not a MH disorder. To be generous to them, they're a MH service, there isnt a 'autism' service as such, its not a treatable condition and isnt a MH condition. If anything I find they're far too willing to brush off comorbid MH conditions that occur with ND due to simply seeing everything through an ND lens.

I’m so sorry to read this. I have a 14 year old who has done a “lighter” version of these things so I empathise with your feeling of helplessness.
With our darling girl, the root of it was being lonely at school and wanting acceptance in the group, plus suspected autism spectrum/ADD which we’re trying (too late) to get diagnosed.
Do you know what is making your boy behave this way? Is he looking for attention, feeling lonely, not feeling part of the family? Have you tried regular 1:1 time with him?
If school is a problem, is there potentially a different school he could change to?
Does he understand that the phone being removed is not a punishment but for his own safety? (is DP his dad? If not perhaps you should be taking the lead on these types of issues as he may resent it less).
What we have tried to emphasise with our daughter is that everything is about her safety. We talked through how to approach drinking vodka (small sips, if you feel funny wait 20 mins because that feeling intensifies) etc etc.
It must be so frustrating, but my guess is that Camhs is under-resourced and believes that most children are best off within the family environment, with parents that love them, they wouldn’t be able to give the extensive 1:1 attention and care that’s necessary, make him feel special with favourite foods, movies and trips out etc like parents do.
Wishing you the best and that he comes through this…

Oh OP, I’m so sorry. Being a teen with ADHD is gruelling at the best of times, let alone with family trauma, drugs, etc thrown into the mix. I really sympathise. Have you looked into alternative provision for your DS? Section 19 of the Education Act requires local authorities to provide a suitable education for any child who can’t attend school for reasons like mental health (see link below). My ADHD child was out of school for a year and our alternative provision (which the school put in place after some pressure from us) did wonders - it was things like interest-led learning, equine therapy, mentoring, forest school etc. You don’t need an EHCP to access it so don’t be fobbed off if school say no as it’s his legal right. Feel free to PM me if helpful. www.ipsea.org.uk/faqs/what-support-should-the-la-give-me-if-my-child-is-out-of-school-for-any-other-reason

It’s really really shit there isn’t better support for young people struggling with mental health. I cannot say what the solution is but it seems abject that this is all the NHS can offer.
I am sending OP and the others on the thread who have had such a tough time support and courage.

I think back to April time when I had a call from school, he had emailed his teacher and told her he hadn’t done the homework set over the easter holidays because he wanted to die the teacher had reported it as soon as she had seen it but when i spoke to him he said it was just a joke and he didn’t mean it i did try to talk to him more about it but he kept saying it was a joke and he just couldn’t be bothered to do it and I fold him off after

He cuts himself and it’s easy to say take the things and hide sharp objects etc which I have done except he breaks rulers/protractors and uses the sharp edges on scars he has and he obviously uses rulers/protractors in maths and we do take the broken pieces he just doesn’t it again when he gets hold of them

He used to play football and do kickboxing but he quit them both earlier this year
he used to go to football matches with my partner and sometimes BIL but he hasn’t wanted to go for a few months and obviously there was a break over the summer when the season had ended. Hes just not interested anymore

Can you afford a private counsellor? He needs someone he can talk to. ETA not saying you aren’t there for him, just that in these scenarios parents are often the last ones a DC will talk to.

This sounds really tough for all of you. Did Camhs worker give any info on local voluntary youth services? It may be worth (hopefully) doing a search for self referral organisations?

Has anyone gone through safe self harm with you? Is he still cutting?

And do you have a DSR service in your area, he might not meet the criteria without ASD.

Mental health services are on their knees. I took an overdose a few months ago. I had two days of treatment and then the hospital staff sectioned me as I wanted to go home. I had a MHAA and was then sent home with no further support. I’ve had to go private.
Im so sorry about your son. My son did the same thing about 10 years ago. He had three suicide attempts. One was over 100 tablets. The support was absolutely woeful and I think it has got worse now. You have to make a nuisance of yourself. Bang on every door so to speak. Take care x

I’m so so sorry to hear this . My number one advice is don’t wait for NHS services and try and find some private therapeutic support…we had far lesser problems with our teen but CAMHS were as useful as a chocolate teapot, thank god we had the funds to pay for support which turned things around. My number two advice is to see if there’s any option at some point to go back on ADHD meds ( and to try a different type if previous one having too many side effects) …you’d be shocked at how many young men in prison have undiagnosed, unmedicated ADHD. Weed and harder drug use are common in young people who are self medicating to cope with life….with ADHD meds you have a chance to keep things on a more even keel until their brain has at least some chance to mature and develop some coping skills.

How long have you been with DP.

And if he is not ds's father, why was he the one taking him go hospital after a suicide attempt, and not one of his parents?

Also ask your GP to refer him for a full assessment ASAP.

Is your DP his father?

I used to regularly overdose on paracetamol and sleeping tablets as a teenager as a way to self harm rather than attempt to kill myself. I also did a lot of very risky behaviour things and took illegal drugs. I have never told anyone else in my life about any of this, I’m very glad no one ever found out, I don’t think any sort of therapy, medication or talking it out would have helped. The only thing that did help was leaving home. I realised I just felt suffocated. My parents were fine but they never really understood me or noticed when I was going through things. I’m sorry for what you’re going through at the moment, I hope he will come through the other side of it. I’m perfectly normal now, I promise, sometimes I think puberty can be very overwhelming

No, op says her son suddenly decided he didn't want to see his own father a year ago.

Also:

he used to go to football matches with my partner and sometimes BIL (I'm assuming BIL means op's boyfriends brother) but he hasn’t wanted to go for a few months

Yes your first bit of your post says exactly what Ive been saying, its important that OP and her partner find out whether the intent was suicide or self harm, there is a big difference in treatment pathways.

Someone needs to have a conversation with him about paracetamol. People see it as benign because you can buy it over the counter. It is not benign - he needs to know that a quite small overdose can lead to a horrible slow death from liver failure. People initially recover then start to go downhill. I watched this happen to a young patient when I was working in hospitals - it is engraved on my mind.

Sorry to be the voice of doom, but he needs to know what could happen to him with this drug. It is not a short term cry for help as they might believe.

Your problem is that he is locked in with the wrong crowd and, unless he is rolling in money, he will finish up having to sell weed to buy weed.

I have a close relative in this situation and truly the only way is to get him away from this for a period of weeks.

Does he have an activity that interests him? - sport or something else. Could you find a break centred on this activity that you can take him away to?

The services for young people in this situation are pitiful - truly pitiful - and parents have all the worry of the problem itself with the utter soul-destroying exhaustion of banging their head against a brick wall trying to get some professional help on top.

I think you need to keep talking to him. He will grunt and shrug his shoulders for sure but don't give up. Just ignore all that and keep talking. And above all else telling him you love him and that you have faith in him. That you know he can make a success of his life and be happy.

He needs to stop the weed, that will just make his MH worse.

I don't have a clue how you should deal with this op so I'm not going to try to give an opinion other than to say I'm so sorry you are going through this: it must be so very hard, and I wish you strength.

The only other thing I would note is the irony that on MN people spend so much time warning each other how SS will get involved if they don't change the bedding weekly or have dog pee stains on the hallway carpet, yet here is the reality...