Am I unreasonable to resent my husband's work from home desk taking space?

[TwinkleTwinkleX]

I live in a 3 bed flat with husband, 5 year old and 1 year old daughter. We have a big bedroom and 2 other rooms that are fairly small. The plan was for my girls to share a room initially (can fit two beds or bunks) and leave the other room for a play room / dressing room for them. If them sharing doesn’t work out we’ were going to move baby into own room. My husband recently got a new job and annoyingly it’s mainly hybrid (turns out he’ll be working from home most the time)
it’s good because he’ll be able to do school pick ups etc more but he needs a big desk for 2 monitors+ laptop. Am I being unreasonable to find it annoying? I am just not keen on all his work stuff taking over our flat and him not being able to switch off as easily. Also would it be better to put big desk in our bedroom or cram into kids playroom do you think? We spend most the time in lounge so don’t want it there. Any tips for making wfh feel less intrusive and desk that keep things organised but don’t take up so much room/ look nice?

When I had this setup, ex and I had our desks in our bedroom, the kids shared a bedroom, and had a play room.

3 years between, rather than 4, but they shared from the youngest being 1, and it worked really well - eldest basically trained the youngest to go to sleep, not to make a fuss in the morning etc.

Then the consoles, and later computers went in the play room, which meant there was no issue with devices in their bedroom.

They finally went into separate rooms when eldest had been in secondary a year, and we realised he needed a bit more quiet to do his homework - but by then good habits around devices were already embedded in both of them, so having the computer in their room (turned off at bedtime) wasn't an issue.

My DP and I both work from home quite often and he likes a lot of STUFF. Massive pain!
One thing that really helped was a couple of slimline portable screens from Amazon (£60 each I think) that meant we could dispose of the massive full computer monitors with their big stands and wires, and just use the two screens which could be slipped into cases (like big kindles) and put on a bookshelf at the end of the day/week.
Also, I got him a wireless mouse and smaller than traditional wireless keyboard.

If your DP has a desk then maybe the stuff that goes with it is less of an issue really, but we're at the dining table so space was premium for us!
We ate dinner on the sofa for a couple of months and then I realised it was a bonkers set up and we needed to adapt. Good luck OP!

Has he looked into renting a private office space? So its solely his. We

Cant imagine the mornings or afters afterschool and holidays will be much fun
And as PP said, hes going to end up spending up to 15hrs a day in there.

I would put the desk in the big room and have that as your bedroom and the kids get the other two rooms

My husband wfh and needs a big desk, I also use it evenings and weekends for crafts and freelancing work, but it's in our bedroom as it's a big room and we only sleep in there these days with a kiddo. The other rooms need to be maximised for living spaces, so desk goes in room that during the day will be least used, ie master bedroom.

Having a parent wfh is extremely useful, even though you still need childcare. It just adds to your flexibility.

the key is setting him up away from daily life. DH and I both have dual monitor setups and need privacy. We both have private home offices, but that is because we specifically bought a house we could both wfh long before it became ubiquitous.

It’s actually surprisingly easy to “turn off” if you set up your workspace properly. Since I have a separate office, I just close the door. My work recommends people who don’t turn the laptop off and put it physically away at the end of the day. Literally shutting off can help.

dh is horrible about boundaries but our child is 17 so I don’t really care anymore.

Yeah it’s a bit sh*t but he’s got a job and he can be around more for pick ups and stuff. So yes, he needs one of the spare rooms and either the kids share or the 1 year old goes in with you.
No way can he be in the lounge/dining room and it’ll drive him nuts to spend all the time in the bedroom.
It is what it is, life is messy, put the play things in the lounge. Make that the play room.
It doesn’t matter what it looks like as long as it’s functional.

I’ve given up the bedroom for OH office, our bedroom is now the lounge, he also has a private rented office he can go to (but it isn’t used all the time because it doesn’t make sense due to work hours/calls).

I love my OH, I want him to be happy more than I want an instagram house or space for play dates (which most of the time can happen in the garden or elsewhere). And it’s loads better for the kids he is around more at home than being at the office to look tidy.

Surely that rules out putting the desk in the playroom? Kids can’t play until he has finished work. Your bedroom sounds the best place

Another poster mentioned putting the girls in the master bedroom, I actually think this is a great idea, I know you say they fit comfortably in the oldest bedroom but if you put both of them and toys and their furniture into the master this frees up the smallest room for an office and you use eldest room. You can re jig things later on if needed.

This Kids of that age tend to play in the living room. It would be really weird for a 1 year old to be off playing in a room on their own

Pot the desk in your room, kids each have their own. Living room does not become an office.
Unless you’re the type who spends hours in the daytime in your bedroom that will be the best solution. You’ll just need to keep the bedroom(or what is visible to his colleagues on Teams calls) tidy.

You don't need a big desk for two monitors, my DH has two and works on a really small desk. You can also get foldaway monitors like this https://amzn.eu/d/03m3xOPZ

I would put him in the main bedroom and get a decent hideaway set up or bureau so he can pack it away at the end of the day.

In case it hasn’t already been said 2 monitors of a monitor and laptop don’t need to be standing on the desk. You can get a dual monitor arm that screws onto the desk edge. Saves lots f space

We had this. He alternated between the desk in our room and the table in the kitchen. None of it was ideal and I found it really difficult. We are now in a 4 bed where he has a dedicated office space and everyone is happier.

I work from home 85% of the time and I’d be a bit upset if my partner was annoyed about me having a desk set up somewhere other than our bedroom. Mine was previously in my daughters room in a corner, she was at the childminders whilst I was working so never saw the issue. I now have mine downstairs in our living/dining area, but I have zero issues switching off in the evening and couldn’t care less if people are using the tv etc whilst I’m working

Whilst I would not like the desk in front of me, the benefits re school pick ups etc, should outweigh this. Get a screen to put around it. It will need to.be inaccessible to children too i would imagine

I had desk in bedroom temporarily (during a renovation) and I found sleeping and working in the same room gave me massive cabin fever. I felt like I was in the same room all day everyday and could never shut the door on work. I wouldn’t recommend it unless you could somehow screen it off as it’s not conducive to sleep or relaxation.

If your bedroom is big enough, reorganise so you can fit a workstation in there - it’s a room you only use when work hours are over so it makes perfect sense? The other 2 bedrooms are then free for your kids to have 1 each - a 4 yr age gap will be an issue re. sharing at some point.

I need a set up like this, its a horrible looking thing, I hate office type equipment, wires, black items, keyboards the whole shebang in my house. But we will be setting it up like this for me soon, I need two monitors and a laptop plus keyboard and mouse etc

There is absolutely no way this would be in a bedroom, it turns your gentle calm sleeping area into an office, horrible, very intrusive.

I would have the children share and then the spare bedroom is an office, with a day bed for play dates/sleep overs etc

Most offices wont allow you in more than a few days a week or even a few days a month sometimes, its dreadful.

Not sure why posters are implying the husband has a choice, you work how your employer tells you to work.

Congratulations on the job!

Ask his employers if they will help with the costs of a workstation. DSs provided a desk and expensive bespoke chair.

Is there anywhere "out of the box" that you haven't thought of? Eg hallway, utility room or if you have a garden flat, could you get a garden cabin?

Otherwise I'd go with him working in the smallest bedroom. A "playroom" is a bit of a luxury, a workstation is essential.

I always used 2 monitors, but my new job gave me a fold out double monitor set up, that the laptop sits in the middle. It folds up, and its fab 👌

this type of thing amzn.eu/d/05UBrViz

I actually like the idea of putting the kids and their toys into the largest room and then having a small bedroom
for you and the smallest for an office. But now you say the smallest is right in the middle of the kitchen and the living room maybe that’s not sensible. Do you have a floor plan?

My husband and I both hybrid work so one of us is home every day. It’s so much easier than when we were in the office. The school runs alone will be great.

We have 4 bedrooms thankfully so one is an office for him (I wfh less and am fine on a laptop but he’s in IT so has loads of stuff) I did have a desk in our bedroom but got rid of it as found it really intrusive. I think though one that you can close at the end of the day would be much better so it’s clear that work time is finished.

A friend of mine’s DH rents an office space near them instead of wfh. He just rents a desk so not too expensive.

Mine has his desk in our bedroom - it annoys me sometimes ! But we’ve made it work as our room is massive - we got a smallish desk and a chair that can be pushed in tight under the desk so less space taken up

we remove the second monitor at end it day and put it under the desk so it’s less cluttered on the top

laptops packed away etc

ive put nice light strips around it and a plant and I’ve started to use the monitor left to watch my own tv shows when I get into bed - which is actually quite nice if both me and husband wanted to watch different things I have another space to do that now 🤷‍♀️

my kids also share a bedroom but we only have 2 bedrooms so our room was the only option really

Can you take the middle bedroom for you and DH, and use a partition wall to carve out an office space from the biggest bedroom, and give that bedroom to one of the DC? You could always remove it to sell.

Failing that, anywhere but your bedroom. I wouldn't want to spend most of my life in one room, that's notoriously used as a punishment and not great for mental health.