Am I unreasonable to resent my husband's work from home desk taking space?

[TwinkleTwinkleX]

I live in a 3 bed flat with husband, 5 year old and 1 year old daughter. We have a big bedroom and 2 other rooms that are fairly small. The plan was for my girls to share a room initially (can fit two beds or bunks) and leave the other room for a play room / dressing room for them. If them sharing doesn’t work out we’ were going to move baby into own room. My husband recently got a new job and annoyingly it’s mainly hybrid (turns out he’ll be working from home most the time)
it’s good because he’ll be able to do school pick ups etc more but he needs a big desk for 2 monitors+ laptop. Am I being unreasonable to find it annoying? I am just not keen on all his work stuff taking over our flat and him not being able to switch off as easily. Also would it be better to put big desk in our bedroom or cram into kids playroom do you think? We spend most the time in lounge so don’t want it there. Any tips for making wfh feel less intrusive and desk that keep things organised but don’t take up so much room/ look nice?

It will be very intrusive. He needs to go into a bedroom with his big ass desk. I had children those exact ages in this set up and it ended in divorce.

When you say you resent it - what would you like him to do (genuinely)? Get another job?

ETA if you have a big bedroom I'd put the desk in there.

I think that's too big of an age gap to share. Unless you're going to move soon-ish I'd give each child a bedroom and put husband's desk in your bedroom. Unless you're prone to having a lie in?

Sounds inconvenient but didn't you realise when he accepted the job?

We have a shared playroom / study . But it doesn't really work because often dh is working from home when the kids want to get stuff from the playroom. I would put his desk in your room and give the kids their own rooms.

Can you get a cupboard type desk where you can close the doors to shut it all away? I’d put it in your bedroom preferably so the rest of the rooms can be used as normal.

this is crazy expensive but along these lines: https://www.paintedfurnitureco.co.uk/amberley-complete-hideaway-workstation-desk?source=googlebase&optionid=4568%2C4569&optionvalueid=21886%2C21895&kw=&ci=47929648788&network=g&pm=&cid=281834748&aid=9969733308&tid=pla-327533573682&dev=m&mt=&lim=&lpm=9264060&pos=&dm=&fid=&mid=9676743&pid=2354-21886-21895&country=GB&source=google&gadsource=1&gadcampaignid=281834748&gbraid=0AAAAADxhq8wgcdLwLAkmUVRP1SCLrhY&gclid=CjwKCAjwq8PVBhAKEiwA2i3SHWFOzoE8TOkZIbDylXuOd8lsGSFmGFr0pWTM6dtRMZAPC1IuKMtzxoCVsEQAvDBwE

or maybe a pretty or useful screen to hide it so that you aren’t constantly looking at monitors etc: https://www.wayfair.co.uk/furniture/pdp/alpen-home-4-panel-pegboard-display-170cm-folding-room-divider-privacy-screen-u110749401.html

eta if you google “home office in a wardrobe” a few options pop up. I’ve screened off a little bit of my hall using an ikea kallax and that works quite well if you have a nook anywhere. I then have a fold down writing desk like this but without the handy cupboard above! You can get them for reasonably little and could paint up nicely www.etsy.com/uk/listing/4502167152/antique-georgian-writing-bureau-bookcase?ref=elp_anchor_listing&frs=1&cns=1

Have a look at Pith and Stem - as above you can shut things completely away.

No point resenting the job if it allows school pick ups! Flexible working is great if you need to do school/nursery runs.

I'd definitely put the desk in the master bedroom. Have you thought of something like this? It fits two screens

https://pithandstem.com/product-info-droptop-duo-24-light/

He was led to believe there would be more opportunity to use the office but turns out there’s not enough space so they all have to rotate. I am also wondering if our bedroom might be best also because if we have play dates / guests then they are less likely to be in our room..

That’s true- we are lucky he can do that! That looks like a good option.. never seen those! X

We have two of the pith and stem ones, one in the office and one in the front room as we both WFH. OH had three monitors on his and I have two on mine

Your kids don't need a playroom so the spare bedroom should be the office.

one million percent it goes in your bedroom. Don’t let one of the kids rooms default to an office!!

I would definitely put his desk in your bedroom if there is space. Living room is no good because then you and the kids can never be in there when your DH is working and he’ll be super distracted by you all eg when the kids come from school and nursery. kids the age of yours struggle with the idea that Dad is there but not available to them. Much better if he’s in a superset room they don’t spend much time in and can shut the door. The 5 year old could even make a big red “daddy is working so not disturb” sign.

Also, it will be impossible for him to relax in the evenings if his work set up is right there in front of him all the time. And if he needs to work after the kids are in bed, that will be easier in your room - otherwise you can’t watch tv or whatever in the lounge.

My DH works from home 3 days a week. He often heads out to work in a local cafe on his laptop between 4-6pm, so he can keep focussing on work, rather than being home but not available to the kids.

DH works from home 4 days a week. His work setup is in our bedroom. It's not ideal and one of the many, many reasons we need to move but it's definitely the least intrusive place in the house for it to be.

Who are you responding to? Can you use the quote function..

Surely the children are either with you during the day in the lounge or kitchen, with the baby napping in the bedroom. Can't he use the extra bedroom for now? A one year old won't be using their bedroom for anything other than to sleep for some time to come. Am I missing something?

I WFH 100% of the time, I have two screens but dont have a big desk. Its definitely smaller than a desk in an office.
If this is a mostly permanent set up, I wouldn't have it in the bedroom. Its not conducive to a good working environment, he'll never feel like he can switch off, and will feel intrusive. Put it in the playroom and divide the area off, kids play in lounge when he's working.

Yes, it's unreasonable to complain now. If you didn't want him to wfh (which as you say, means he can do more childcare) you should have said you didn't want him applying for this type of post.
Does your job also involve this, or might it in the future? If so, you both really need to plan, but it's very unfair of you to resent him now; I have to have workstuff in the house sometimes and would get annoyed if my husband moaned, because I'd explained to him it was needed.

Would putting both girls in the biggest room, you in second room, office in smallest room not work? Sorry but I think you're being quite unreasonable, there are lots of advantages to working from home like being able to do school runs as you have pointed out. Do you work?

Does he definitely need two monitors? I WFH full time and until recently I was using two monitors but I wanted to make more space on my desk so I got one larger monitor instead. I've managed fine with that (plus the laptop screen) and it's given me lots more space.

I agree

Yes he works from 2 monitors routinely so the desk would need to accommodate that. Hopefully we can find one that feels like nice furniture but also practical

Yes I work, mainly from and office or in town. My eldest daughters room can comfortably fit them both but the play room is good for keeping the toys/ children’s chest of drawers etc and is quite heavily used as it’s the room opposite the kitchen

The thing about having the desk in your bedroom is that he will be working and sleeping in there, so he’ll spend up to 15 hours in one room and it’ll be harder to shut the door and turn off. But the living room makes that difficult too and you won’t be able to use it when he’s working. I think it’s better to reframe the issue as that now his work has changed your plans for your space need to change and things need moving around, rather than it being about his desk or work, because things will get stressful if you start to resent his job or him WFH