AIBU to want to go in to my daughters work

[Uniqueheartbee]

My 17yo has a job in a small village pub. The Sunday shift is 7 hours, and they get a break and food.

Today my daughter didn’t get a break or any food but the other members of staff did.

She said she didn’t ask as she kept thinking it would be her next. But also I don’t think she would have anyway

She has come home tired from working for 7 hours non stop, and is upset about it.

I am upset for her and want to go and ask why she didn’t get a break and say it’s not acceptable but I also think she has to sort her own battles out. She works hard there and is meant to do 2 shifts a week but is often asked and willing to do extra.

So the AIBU is

You are being unreasonable. Of course you shouldn’t go in

You are not being unreasonable. You should go in

Any tips on how fellow parents have managed feelings like this as your children are growing up and becoming independent. I feel responsible for not teaching her how to stand up for herself

Do not go in! She has to learn to advocate for herself!

Why can’t she stand up for herself and assert that she has a break? It would be so inappropriate and undermining if you went in

Go on girl! Go in there and let 'em have it.

If You are old enough to have a job, you are old enough to speak up for yourself. Support your daughter to do so by running through what she could say should she find herself in that situation again.

You’re sounding like she’s just done an 18 hour stint down the mines. Yes she should have had a break but this seems like an overreaction all round. Tell her to remind them next time.

You butt out. Your DD needs to learn to manage these situations herself. The best you can do is teach her some strategies so if it does happen she can speak up. I doubt the omission was deliberate or malicious so it would be more helpful to help her build confidence in the workplace.

YABU you must not go in, she would be a total laughing stock. What you do as a parent is model the conversation SHE should have with them on her next shift. Plus practice her being assertive. She should have asked. If it's busy, things like this are easily forgotten. She needs to stand up for herself and ask next time something like this happens.

Also, assuming she has breakfast before she went in, 7 hours is not going to do her any harm. She will be tired and hungry, both of which can be quirky and easily remedied now she is home. Kindly, you are being a tad overdramatic. I regularly get caught up in work and don't stop to eat or rest for similar periods of time. It's just how work is sometimes, it's real ife.

Definitely don’t go, she needs to learn to advocate for herself. Also she’d be beyond embarrassed. And I used to work that long without a break at that age.

She has a voice, she needs to use it.

They may have not realised. All she has to do is ask what time her break is scheduled.

They are breaking the law - she is entitled to a minimum 20 minute break once she has worked 6 hours.

Arm her with this information and maybe talk through how she can raise this professionally but assertively, help her with some wording but don't do it on her behalf.

Oh yeah that will end well. The OP's daughter will be out of a job in an instant. No one wants to deal with aggressive people or people who cant handle minor issues. Whoever was doing the lunch rota probably just forgot one name, it happens and shouldnt be a big deal. All the OP's daughter had to say was "is now a good time for my lunch?". No need for anyone to "let 'em have it".

You cant fix this for her.

Was there a break rota? Usually it's done at the start of the shift so you know who goes when and it what order, you don't always need to wait to get told to go for a break in hospitality, you just go when it's your turn.
If she hadn't had a break and everyone else had it's fair to say 'ive not had a break yet, can I go now?' . If it's a busy pub no one is going to be keep track for her.

Absolutely do not go in. Why didnt she ask when her break would be if she wasn't sure? She needs to learn to speak up for herself in these kind of situations.

This is a great time to encourage her to advocate for herself. I have an adult DD; we’re programmed to protect our kids so it’s natural. But you can’t, they need to learn to speak up and be heard.

If course you can't go in and speak for her. I understand how you feel, there is a woman at my DDs work who is really nasty to DD. Much as I would love to go in and find out why bullying is allowed I know DD has to stand up for herself. My DD is quite shy and finds it hard to stand up for herself but I can't do it for her.
If you sort it out now when will you stop? When she's 18? 19?
Don't feel guilty that she finds it hard to stand up for herself, most teenagers do especially in their first job.
Having said that she does need to say something next time, surely they're breaking the law making her work that long without a break

They probably didn’t realise because she never asked 🤣
Small village pubs won’t have a scheduling tool that tells a manager when they’ve clocked in and out for lunch. She likely has to jot her hours down on a piece of paper. Busy Sunday and it’s hard to keep track of who’s gone and who hasn’t.

OP - YABU. Tell her she needs to ask for her break and say to her manager that she didn’t get one on her last shift?

I definitely wouldn’t go in but would talk to dd about how to handle this. Eg could she speak to manager next week and say what times my break today as I got missed last week. If she’s missed again she needs to speak up.

Do not go in (the horror!) but do coach her in how to stand up for herself next time. She needs to learn or she'll get walked all over.

If she wants a break she needs to make sure she gets it. She should make sure she’d paid the full 7 hours and that’s it.

Of course you don’t go in. I can’t believe you’re even asking. Just help her practice the conversation she should at home so she knows how to handle it in future. Like she could start by just asking what time her break is, and then by saying, if x is going on break I haven’t been yet either so can I go next. Don’t blow it up into a massive embarrassing scene when it sounds like it was a genuine mistake during a busy service.

Of course you don’t go in. I imagine they didn’t do this intentionally but were probably busy. All she had to do was mention it and then they could have let her have her break & get some food. I think you’re making a mountain out of a molehill here.

I had jobs at 16 and over and I would have dealt with this myself. I would have asked when my break was. I also used to do long shifts and sometimes would end up having a late break if we were busy etc. this is your daughters chance to learn how to speak up and function in a work place. Fair enough guide her with what she might say but do not do it for her.

same with doctors appointments, filling in paperwork, returning items to store etc. I was a shy teenager but my parents knew it would do me no favours to do this sort of stuff for me.

Thank you everyone!

I know I can’t really go in, she would not want me to at all…. And i know it would be mortifyingly embarrassing, but it is how I felt immediately when she told me!!

There are no break rotas, the manager is the chef and there were only a few members of staff on so it’s not like there are a lot to manage or anything.

I will work on encouraging her to speak up if it happens again

I get why you want to Mama bear, but just don’t do it. Make sure your daughter is prepared to speak up for herself next week!

She needs to speak up for herself, she's 17 not 7.

Support her, advise but don't embroil yourself.