AIBU to want to go in to my daughters work

[Uniqueheartbee]

My 17yo has a job in a small village pub. The Sunday shift is 7 hours, and they get a break and food.

Today my daughter didn’t get a break or any food but the other members of staff did.

She said she didn’t ask as she kept thinking it would be her next. But also I don’t think she would have anyway

She has come home tired from working for 7 hours non stop, and is upset about it.

I am upset for her and want to go and ask why she didn’t get a break and say it’s not acceptable but I also think she has to sort her own battles out. She works hard there and is meant to do 2 shifts a week but is often asked and willing to do extra.

So the AIBU is

You are being unreasonable. Of course you shouldn’t go in

You are not being unreasonable. You should go in

Any tips on how fellow parents have managed feelings like this as your children are growing up and becoming independent. I feel responsible for not teaching her how to stand up for herself

Don’t go in but encourage her to say something herself

At 17 she has to deal with problems at work for herself. At 16 DD refused to be the one to clean the staff room again in her Saturday job. She pointed out that the manager always gave her that job because she was the only girl.

Yes! My 16yo DS wasn’t paid on time for his pub job, and didn’t get holiday pay when he took a week off. He felt a bit helpless, but I showed him where the info was on the .gov and ACAS websites and once he knew what the law said, he had the confidence to get it sorted, and was really proud of himself.

These sorts of things are usually just a mistake, or incompetence, rather than a deliberate attempt to break employment law, so best not to go in all guns blazing. But give her the info, and let her sort it out herself.

Would it make DD feel any better to know that legally, she must have a break? That if she doesn't speak out and misses her chance, the pub has broken the law without actually meaning to? She has to tell them for their own good.

I got the sack from a summer job when I was 16. My parents let me challenge it myself, they didn't write the letters for me.
So, use your experience and wisdom to help her to work out how not to let it happen again.

I'm at a totally different stage of parenting to you (my DD is 4) so my instinct is of course to say go sort it out for her, but that would be wrong.

One of the early jobs I had, when I was maybe around the same age, was waitressing. My mate had gotten me the job, her auntie was the manager. I'd waitressed in another restaurant before so I knew that the kitchen staff (usually male) could be a bit brash or have a bit of banter but that ultimately I could expect them to be respectful. However, I worked one night in this new job and the chef was the rudest, wankiest guy you've ever seen. And he and all the guys in the kitchen talked to all the (mainly female) waitresses like shit. I mean, I spent the night feeling really crap and embarrassed. (I wasn't old enough yet to just tell them there and then and strut out the door, plus I knew I'd be letting the other girls down on that shift)

Anyway, the next morning, I took a deep breath and called the manager, my friend's auntie. I told her I wouldn't be working again, thanked her for the opportunity and I told her why when she asked. It was a bit cringe, I felt a bit bad but she thanked me for telling her and I learnt a good lesson about not putting up with crap when you feel uncomfortable/saying The Thing that needs to be said.

This stuff is always tricky, especially at 17, and never enjoyable to go through. But we have to go through it.

Would I have loved someone to call up on my behalf that morning? Hell yes. Would I have gained any confidence from that? Nope.

She has a voice tell her to use it, don't be another parent who needs to take on other people's dramas

Definitely don’t go in she will be absolutely humiliated. Word will get around and she’ll be so embarrassed. Sometimes teens just want to moan/vent to their parents not have them jump in and sort their problems. It could have been an oversight that whoever was organising breaks didn’t realise she had missed hers. In the nicest way I think she needs to use this as a lesson to speak up for herself.

As she is under 18yr the law is she must have a 20 min break after 4 hrs, not 6hrs which is over 18yrs

I would tell her to speak up next time it happens and say to the manager "can I have a break to eat please, I'm starving". Not wait until everyone else has gone, say this as soon as people start being let to go on breaks. They can't really say no to that. Definitely wouldn't step in myself, she needs to learn to stand up for herself and this is a perfect opportunity to practice.

There's one thing I learned in life and I keep telling this to my kids and my younger brother - squeaky wheel gets the grease. If you don't ask you might not get it because people will assume you don't need it.

Is her break paid?
This happened to DD once in a pub job where her break was not paid (30mins). I told her to email to politely remind them that she would need paying for the full 8 hour shift as she had no break. They replied, apologised, she was paid the extra and it didn’t happen again.

You need to explain working time directive to her so she understands the Law.

Under 28s must have a break after 4.5 hours.

I guess it was busy and missed but she needs to speak up.

YABU Ihave been the manager in situations like this. A busy day, juggling breaks where we can in a way not to affect service and it got to an hour before the end of shift and someone says they haven't had their break. Complete accidental oversight. I thought they had been, they hadn't. No malice or intention to do harm. She needs to learn to speak up. And she needs to mention it asap as I assume she doesn't get paid for breaks and she needs to make sure that she is paid for 7 hours for this shift and not 6.5.

The whole point of jobs for teenagers is that they learn to navigate the workplace. So now she has learnt that she has to advocate for herself, and request a break and food.
Do NOT be that awful parent who goes in - not only do you embarrass your child, but your teaching them that the way to deal with issues is to get mummy or daddy to sort it out....er, no!

This is a skill everyone has to learn. I understand its harder for younger people but she has to do it to get good at it. You can practice what to say with her but do not go in there

They are breaking the law - she is entitled to a minimum 20 minute break once she has worked 6 hours.
Arm her with this information and maybe talk through how she can raise this professionally but assertively, help her with some wording but don't do it on her behalf.

This ☝️

Hi op it’s hard for a teenager to stand up and speak out especially if they need the job. You do need to tell her it’s against the law to work 7 hours without a break. Tell her when she next goes in to speak to her boss and gently remind them that she worked 7 hours without a break or a meal and if it happens again she will just take it without his permission. It’s not about being confident it’s about knowing the rules.

It’s probably just an oversight from the manager. Encourage her to mention it next shift. Not a fuss just an fyi to Stop it happening again

@Uniqueheartbee

Young Workers: Workers under 18 have different, more generous rules; they are entitled to a 30-minute break if they work more than 4.5 hours, and 12 hours of rest between shifts.

(20 mins if over 18)

"What time should I take my break today?"
Simple.

Come back after 30 mins. Boss says, you were 10 mins over your 20 mins.
Reply: I'm under 18, though. 🙂

I mean fair enough if it was a 12 hour day but one seven hour shift won’t hurt her.

I used to do 12 hour shifts when I was her age, break would be in the morning lull and we’d then be rushed off our feet from 10am till 9pm.

It’s her job, not yours. This is a simple matter of a break and something she must learn to stand up for herself about, without help. You’d be doing her no favours as all to go in there to speak angrily on her behalf!

Am literally in the same position except that it’s my son and he hasn’t been paid correctly - it’s been four weeks. It’s a lovely pub and lovely owners but they owe him more that £400. I too want to go in there and sort it out but think he needs to learn to stand up for himself

7 hours is nothing tbh in hospitality

Law says 20 mins for a 6 hour shift - preferably in the middle - not in the last hour

Less then 6 hours - no break

Your daughter needs to speak up and say ' Im hungry, need a bite, need a smoke, need a wee " Bar staff know the madness and will cover each other She just needs to find her voice

Gosh seriously. Five year olds used to go up the chimneys. Let’s not be outraged at 7 whole hours of work. And please, let’s pray there’s no war because we’ll be done for in about 30 seconds if this is the stamina of teenagers today.

No you shouldn't go in, she's 17. It doesn't look good if your parent goes into your job! Although what they've done is illegal and you should be preparing your daughter with a speech to say herself about how what they did was unfair and illegal. Do some research on it beforehand and let her go in with knowlege