AIBU to want to go in to my daughters work

[Uniqueheartbee]

My 17yo has a job in a small village pub. The Sunday shift is 7 hours, and they get a break and food.

Today my daughter didn’t get a break or any food but the other members of staff did.

She said she didn’t ask as she kept thinking it would be her next. But also I don’t think she would have anyway

She has come home tired from working for 7 hours non stop, and is upset about it.

I am upset for her and want to go and ask why she didn’t get a break and say it’s not acceptable but I also think she has to sort her own battles out. She works hard there and is meant to do 2 shifts a week but is often asked and willing to do extra.

So the AIBU is

You are being unreasonable. Of course you shouldn’t go in

You are not being unreasonable. You should go in

Any tips on how fellow parents have managed feelings like this as your children are growing up and becoming independent. I feel responsible for not teaching her how to stand up for herself

Coach her in the things to say.

Start of shift: what time will my break be? Just checking as I didn’t get one at all last shift

Later “would it be best for me to go on my break straight after xxx”?

”I just wanted to mention that I didn’t get a break on Sunday, I’m presuming it will it be OK to have one this shift?”

Any problems, I.e they say no:
”Is that legal? I thought we had to be able to have a break?”

Seven hours without a sit-down? And nothing to eat? I've worked at a job where you couldn't sit down and it's hard! But I agree that she should ask, rather than Mum doing it for her.

My daughter was in exactly this position, except she was 19, not 17. She was working 8, 9, sometimes even 10 hour shifts in a cafe kitchen without a break and often without any food. I was furious and told her it was illegal, not to mention immoral and exploitative. I encouraged her every day to speak up and told her nothing would change unless she said or did something. I very much wanted to march round there and give the manager a piece of my mind, but she was 19 and didn’t want me to. So I had to let her learn the hard way and after a few gruelling months, she handed in her notice. It was really hard to have to leave her to it, but I’m glad I did, because it was an important life lesson.

Don't you have to be 18 to work in a pub?

Please don’t. I worked at a pub when I was 17 and there was an issue at work that I told my mum about. She ran into my boss in a supermarket and spoke to him about it. Absolutely mortifying. Seriously, don’t be that parent.

I disagree....it's normal to have lunch and eat a meal at that time. Whether or not she has any other sort of break the opportunity to eat something should be essential.
OP does she feel intimidated by older people there? I know i used to in jobs at that kind of age and found it really hard to be assertive and stand up for my rights.I think my mum intervened afew times.I learnt eventually as I got older and more used to the workplace to grow more of a backbone.

No but same as a supermarket you can't sell alcohol without someone over 18 supervising you.

No.

I think some posters are forgetting the fact she is 17... she's still classed as a child and there are lots more strict laws around children having adequate breaks..this isn't a grin and bear it because works hard situation

This lays it out:

https://www.papershift.com/en/blog/working-hours-break-laws-in-uk-every-owner-employee-should-be-aware-of#:~:text=The%20rules%20for%20under,at%20least%2048%20hours

Coach your daughter how to advocate for herself in a professional way. She will need that skill again in her life. Please do not go into her workplace over this. It will make things more difficult. As a mum, I know it’s hard.

Then why have labour laws at all? 🤔

If she normally gets breaks and others were given breaks, then surely DD was missed rather than this being intentional? Work on her confidence to speak up for herself.

She needs to advocate for herself, also check her wages re they might automatically deduct an time for a break which she didn't have. Good luck to her and understandable that you wanted to pop in etc

That's not a flex. There is no virtue in neglecting to care for yourself. Your employers won't thank you for it, they just pile more work on you. I wouldn't dream of working 7 hours straight.