AIBU to let my adult nephew move in after rent rise from my sister?

[YearsOfLife]

My nephew is 24 and has been working full time for about a year after finishing university. When he first started working full time, my sister was charging him £500 per month to live with her and her partner. She has now told him he needs to pay £800 per month which he isn’t happy about as he is trying to save for a house deposit as well as having other costs and wanting to socialise. He spends a lot of time at work or with his girlfriend and friends so I do think £800 is a lot.

Our children are similar ages and my nephew has asked if he could live with us, paying £400 per month. We are happy for him to live here but it is causing a huge problem with my sister and her partner. They don’t think we should allow him to stay with us.

On the one hand I can see why my sister thinks we shouldn’t get involved, but on the other, he’s our nephew and an adult and if we’re happy for him to live here, he should be able to.

My sister has accused us of trying to make money from him which is untrue as we don’t charge our own children anything to live here and IF we take anything from our nephew, it won’t be £400 per month. This isn’t about money for us. I agree with my nephew that £800 is too much and want him to be able to have a life and save like my own children.

AIBU to say he can live here?

Why is an aunt not allowed to help when she can.

Either way, he needs to move out of your sister's place. If you're happy to have him, then take him in and let him save for a deposit so he can get his own place asap.

Once they had graduated and were earning reasonable money I charged dds roughly half of what they’d have had to pay for a flatshare locally, rent only, no bills.
I still think that’s a reasonable way to charge. I don’t think it does them any favours to charge peanuts - it comes as that much more of a shock when they do finally move out, and realise what a roof over your head, heating, hot water, etc. actually cost.
We did (much later) help them with house deposits.

Your sister is going to lose her son does she realise that

If this was the case why is she stopping him going to her sister’s?

This

Yes surely in that situation you'd be utterly fucking delighted he was being housed so attractively somewhere else.

I didn’t say what she was doing was right… I was just trying to find out how she has decided on a figure of £800?!
If a room in a shared house is £1500 a month bills included elsewhere that could be why his mum has decided on that amount, because he is still saving rather then living elsewhere and paying that amount.
Where we live a room in a shared house including bills is around £600 a month, when my children are adults I wouldn’t charge them £600 because they might as well move out.
I would charge them around half because I don’t think it benefits anyone to have adult children at home and not contributing the household.
Maybe they are genuinely struggling at of he won’t pay that will get a lodger in, with no extra info it all seems very odd that a parent would suddenly up rent for no reason, even if they have only just realised what he is earning.
The OP should also point out to her sister there is a cap that you are allowed to earn by renting a room and £800 would put her well over it unless they’ve increased the allowance.

Is there anything else going on with his mum. For example has he got along with the partner? Is his mum nice otherwise?

I just think that it is sad that he is still a young man, trying to set himself up and his mum is not there to help him along. It may be that the partner is dripping poison into her ear. I have seen this with my own parent and their partner.

If his mum is not there for him, then it is lovely that you are.

At the end of the day, when in a sticky situation, my barometer is the "right thing to do".

In this case, it is letting him stay and supporting him to get his own place.

I wish that after my mum died when I was a teen, and my dad had a new partner (who dripped poison into his ear), that I had an aunt like you who was on my side. Alas not!

£800 is crazy money to charge your son who spends most of his time out of the house anyway.

Your sister needs to realise that if he moves out she'll lose it all.

I would have my nephew move in with me. Especially one that's a fully functioning adult, saving to buy a home. Why wouldn't any parent, aunt or unclen want to help a young person progress in life.
£800 a month is just ridiculous!
If she's trying to push him out, then it's not her business where he goes.

I will think it over some more but I’m leaning towards letting him live with us. It’s useful to see most people don’t think it would be unreasonable but I will talk it through with my sister again. She comes across as if she makes the decisions in the house but I will try to see if her partner is being a big influence on this.

I’d let him move in. I’d probably charge £300 a month, but I’d require him to put the £500 he is saving into a savings account.

You are not being unreasonable although I do think you should charge him something if only the extra costs of having him there.

You have to accept that your sister won't be happy though, even if she is in the wrong.

Charging your child £500 if he earns well is one thing but £800 is taking the piss.

If my son decides to return home after uni and once he is earning, I have already decided I will charge him £200 - £400 per month depending on earnings. If his gf comes too, I will charge more but not double. It's about covering the cost of him/them being her (and not downsizing - which is my long term plan) not making a profit.

I really do think it is up to you but your nephew may turn out not to be the model guest you think he is.
If you are close to your sister, you should question her more about why she charges him so much. If you are not close then you need not worry about what she thinks about him moving in.
We didn’t charge our adult children anything as they were saving. My sister, who is on a limited income, only charged her adult child for the extra that they incurred, eg food and the loss of her single parent discount on the community charge.

There is a lot of context missing here

• what are local housing costs in area and how does 400 or 800 compare
• how much does he earn - if he brings home 1000 leaving him with little that is different to 3000
• what is driving your sister’s attitude - cost pressure, wanting him to move out, something else.

That all makes a difference to reasonableness of your stance.

I would let him move in.

£800 is far too much. The partner seems to be the problem but there is no way I would see my nephew stuck or a flat share with the problems that brings.

He sounds like a decent fella and problem seem be jealous by the partner.

I would charge something as your bills will be going up so it keeps it clean. If you find that you don't need it put it away for a extra savings account for him but if you have the room and it doesn't bother you and you know it could be a few years go for it.

Lose a bank more like, if she cared she would not use him as an atm

How? It might make Dsis decision to increase his rent more reasonable, but not seeing how it's relevant to whether OP/anyone else is willing to house him for less.

Do you not think the reason for the rent increase is to force him to live independently? And here you are swooping in and screwing up her attempts to push him into proper adulting.

A 24 year old working FT really should be living on their own. If in education or job hunting or disabled, that’s different. But it sounds like it’s time to fly the nest. Most of us didn’t have the luxury of living at home to save for a house deposit (I did it in my 30s while paying rent, working FT and raising two small children).

She’s given him some time to save, but no longer wants to mollycoddle him. He sounds sensible and responsible and he will manage out there in the real world just fine. I wouldn’t get involved. It sounds like she’s ultimately trying to do him a favour.

If any child of mine wants to move out they are free to do so they are not charged a penny so they can save, this is their home

And i find this idea of parenrs desperate to ttc snd want a baby soooo much yet when their use is no longer required they are told to move out

Yes adults do live independently but this forcing and charging thing is weird

At age 24, she does not have to parent an adult son who as per op is a good lad, responsible and saves money.

From this and your previous post I think the partner is having some influence over her decision. Sad if true that she is putting partner ahead of her own child. Perhaps ask her if it was just her and her son would she charge him £800 per month? Whose property is it?

£300 rent rise a month is really steep. I'd let him live with you.

Even if you are in the right, it will damage your relationship with your sister. Tread carefully.