Unhappy that husband wants to go on lads long weekend right after being away for work

[Slumberqueeen]

Hi,

Am I being unreasonable about not being keen on my husband going away for the October bank holiday for a lads weekend.

I would normally not have an issue at all but he travels for work a lot and he will be gone for nearly a week just beforehand. So it's timing of them being so close to together that's the issue.

The work trip has been in the diary for months but the lads only decided to book the holiday last week. He'll be back on the Wednesday from the work trip and wants to fly out again on the Friday.

It's tough going minding our high energy 4 year old by myself especially for a long weekend. Our family will be away (they don't live locally either) so it'll just be me. Also the clocks are due to go back that weekend too so fun times 🥴

It's unfortunate that the timing is a bit shit but not his fault . You should really say he should go and try and try to sound upbeat about it.

I really think it shouldn't be a big deal to parent one four year old child by yourself . If you don't fancy being alone could you go visit your parents ? Or meet up with a friend with kids for pizza , etc.

It's a one off . Be gracious.

I wouldn’t be thrilled either, but would accept that the timing is not his fault. I would absolutely be booking myself some time away the next weekend, though. And I’d be telling him he needs to not be giving himself a week-long hangover leaving me to do everything once he gets back too.

This is mumsnet, where week long stag do's visiting brothels is fine and all in good fun, so don't expect anyone to give a shit about you, your exhaustion, or fairness.

Make sure you book a long weekend away and ensure he's there to do all parenting. Massage, girls night, bubbly, long lies, the lot. Do not make excuses, just do it.

You're owed it.

I would get on with it and have time to myself the next time I could. I have said multiple times recently: normal adult things don't need to stop just because a couple has children

and not saying the OP does this but the idea that mums need to be glued to their children because they seperation anxierty does not mean fathers have to do the same

And no one needs to be a martyr couples just have to work it all out like adults

My thoughts too. Its not that difficult. If OP wants time away fine she can voice that and have the weekend after. Sorted right? I dont see the drama...

YANBU my ex husband coming and going as he pleased essentially contributed to the breakdown of our marriage. My career took a hit and the resentment ate into the relationship. But he still did what he pleased. Not saying your relationship is like that but I think it’s worth looking at the bigger picture. Do think feel fair/even between you?

As long as he knows he owes you and you actually book to go away somewhere or say out or what not with your own friends.

Could you do something special like a little haven caravan with entertainment or a theme park/farm/soft play? Then you can let him burn some energy
Then chippy tea and movie night!

The timing is annoying but it’s not the crime of the century.

You need a plan to fill the 3 days. Go visit family? Take a little mini break - ferry to england and take him to CBeebies land. Something fun to make it special for you and him. A confidence booster that you can do it alone.

He does everything on the Weds and Thurs evenings before he leaves, sets it up for success for you. Its 1 x 4 year old, not a toddler, nor a newborn baby.

The fact that you dread it so much suggests to me that he is normally an equal partner so you miss him doing his share. If he was a lazy useless man, him being away wouldn't make a difference, as you'd be doing it all anyway.

You and your child together are his family and should always come first.

Not his mates.

He is pulling the man rank thing here.
I think you need to have a long talk with him about what you expect from him as a father and a husband.

He is getting of lightly.

Trouble is if you make it an issue out of it, then (depending on how you involved your with with his work and work colleagues, and if they post stuff up on social media), the next time he wants to go out on a lads weekend, he'll just say he's going away for work.

Now that I have context, I can see why you are annoyed - but it's more that it's part of a pattern than this particular event, which on its own seems fine. He clearly has no idea how hard and draining looking after a four year old is. I suggest that you agree to it and book a weekend away leaving him in sole charge just so he gets a taste of it.

Reading this has really taken me back, OP! I used to hate it when this happened, I'd seethe inside even though I knew I was being a bit pathetic not wanting to be with my own darling children without help 😂

It didn't happen very often but after the second or third time I thought I'd be buggered if I was going to let this make me miserable, so I changed everything up with the DC: we went to the movies, we ate McDonalds (never done before!), we watched telly under blankets on the living room on the sofa cushions, we went out for breakfast (fluffy pancakes!) etc. We just did stuff we never ordinarily did. It was cute.

Do you have a car? Can you go somewhere with your DS? Somewhere with lots of outdoor stuff to do eg a long, long walk (maybe uphill!) followed by a pub lunch, doing somewhere and something that will tire him out and where he wont be talking at you non-stop?

Hes a lazy shite!

He gets loads of time off from parenting. Does he not realise how hard working and solo parenting is?

Another immature man child.

I think it’s a bit sad that you can’t cope with your own child for a week or so on your own .
Try and enjoy the time with him instead of worrying about it ?

Here here.