Unhappy that husband wants to go on lads long weekend right after being away for work

[Slumberqueeen]

Hi,

Am I being unreasonable about not being keen on my husband going away for the October bank holiday for a lads weekend.

I would normally not have an issue at all but he travels for work a lot and he will be gone for nearly a week just beforehand. So it's timing of them being so close to together that's the issue.

The work trip has been in the diary for months but the lads only decided to book the holiday last week. He'll be back on the Wednesday from the work trip and wants to fly out again on the Friday.

It's tough going minding our high energy 4 year old by myself especially for a long weekend. Our family will be away (they don't live locally either) so it'll just be me. Also the clocks are due to go back that weekend too so fun times 🥴

I understand OP. My DH also used to work away a lot and after he went to Vegas for a 4 day work trip and I was left with our two boys (7 and 10 at the time) I told him I thought I’d earnt some time to myself. Luckily he agreed and I went to Lanzarote on my own for 3 nights. Best thing ever! Strangely he’s not worked away for as long ever since and tends to try and stay home where he can rather than just agreeing to every work trip that’s not entirely necessary. I think he realised how bloody hard it is when it was him doing ALL the parenting for an extended period of time.

My parents will be abroad and his parents live a couple hours away and have a wedding that weekend.

I could see what friends are about but on a bank holiday weekend friends tend to do family stuff/trips away so I doubt many will be around.

I personally wouldn’t care at all. I think it really depends on how much he puts in when he is at home. And are you overwhelmed and not getting enough rest and you feel like the division isn’t fair. Going away for work is very tiring (I find it at least) but you do get uninterrupted sleep with it so I think it balances it out.

I'd expect to be able to do that if it came up for me so wouldn't have an issue with it because that's how we do things. I wouldn't expect to be told I couldn't so why should he? As long as you going away for a long weekend is not an issue, him going away shouldn't be. OK he's been away for work but that's life, the timing is just off for you. Fill the weekend with stuff like park trips, movie evenings, making cakes and pizzas, that sort of stuff

Yes I wish my husband realised this.

However I'm rarely away for weekends and when I have been he has always been lucky that his parents ( who live 2.5 hrs away) are around and don't have any plans so he has gone and stayed with them to help with our son.

My DH worked away a lot so I spent a lot of time solo parenting. It wasn't fun for him, he worked long hours and would much rather have come home than have a solo late dinner in the hotel and a hotel room on his own (although I used to fantasise about this when I was looking after 5 kids and not getting a moment to myself! 😂)

I think it's bad timing but I'd be ok with him going. Just make sure he owes you a weekend and get together with your friends and make a plan for a lovely relaxing spa break soon!

I think it's just unlucky the way it has fallen. If he doesn't so it often, I can't see what the problem is. As a person that likes going on trips with my friends, if my other half tried to stop them I would be pissed!

Yes you will be solo parenting for a weekend, but it's only a weekend. It can be as stressful/easy going as you make it! Have fun and do exactly what you want to do.

I also don't think it's a biggie if he spends his solo parent time with his parents, the more the merrier!

Sure, fine. But then you should also get a break.

I think if you get a break and he takes your son to his parents, while you can roll your eyes all you want (quietly, behind his back) I don't think you get to decide how he looks after DS when he's in sole charge. So yes, fine, he's tired from a work trip and he wants a lads weekend, no problem. But what are you going to do. And if you dont want a weekend away, which to be fair, was often how I felt - it just felt like more work ad more organising and more expense on my side - then think about what you WOULD like and tell him this is what YOU need for that break.

In my case, it would most likely have been a day out with a friend and alone - eg heading off early, meet a friend, do some shopping, maybe lunch, then probably an afternoon by myself in a cafe reading my book or at the pool at our gym.

I have to admit, what I would have liked even MORE but DH struggled with this, would be for HIM to take DS out early on a saturday and be gone all or at least MOST Of the day. So that I could start my morning slow, chill then head out before they got back. But, fabulous though DH is in a million ways, it just wasn't something he could/would do (to be honest, still the case - he is NOT a morning person).

Could u go and stay in a nice child friendly hotel for a night or 2 as a treat?

You have referred to it being a bank holiday weekend and then refer to a bank holiday Monday.

What country are you in? If it’s UK there isn’t a BH in October so I am really confused.

There's no bank holidays in October in England so ???

Where do you live ? There’s no bank holiday in October?
Won’t you be at work / nursery on the Monday ?
Are you in Ireland?

Moving forward, friends need to check availability of those going before just randomly picking a date. Then a date could have been picked that wasn’t immediately after a pre arranged work trip.

I'm in Ireland so the second last weekend in October is a bank holiday week here.

Yes I'm in Ireland so nursery will be closed on the Monday.

The clocks will also go back that Saturday night/Sunday morning so even more delightful

I’m in Ireland too OP 🙌 😊

It’s tough going when you’re carrying everything to support husbands career. My husband worked abroad for a year when I was pregnant with my third baby and my first two were very small. He was gone for 2-3 weeks at a time and was only home for 1-2 nights every 2-3 weeks. And when he was home he was exhausted.
I dropped my working outside the home down to 2.5-3days a week in order to survive ! (No family support)
if it’s just you and your son together for the bank hol weekend why don’t you book a centre parcs weekend or a similar trip to a child -friendly hotel with a pool etc. as a nice treat

I think YABU as it seems a bit like you're punishing him for having to work away.

Very gently, I do think you're being a bit unreasonable.
Him being away for work isn't something he can help, I assume? Would he be able to do his job without the travel, for example?
The weekend away timing is poor, I'll give you that. But, three days with your own child should be ok, surely? Yes, it's tiring, but can you arrange to meet up with others, to let the kids run a bit ragged, you get a coffee, and then they'll sleep at night!! Go to bed at 9pm, if necessary; hell, go to bed when your child does....
AND, make sure you get a weekend away with your pals/on your own, ASAP. Get it in the diary, and make sure it happens before his next non-work trip. What's good for the gander, and all that.....

Timing will always dictate that these things come up together. I go on a girls weekend at that time of the year most years and dh just waves me off because he knows I’ll come back ready to jump into Christmas. If you think he deserves it then just let it go but make sure the two of you do something nice afterwards, a night away or date night and make sure you get some time away too!!

Throw some money at it and go to Center Parcs or somewhere similar. It will be better than being at home on your own. Or could you jump on your DP's holiday?
I don't think your DH is being unreasonable tbh. Everyone deserves a little fun. Just make sure you get yours!

Personally, i'd be a little bit peeved that his weekend away was straight after a week away with work and made sure I booked a nice weekend away with friends to compensate but I'd get on with it and plan activities with my DS.
I'd enjoy having some time with him if he does 4 days a week in nursery..take him swimming, have a day out somewhere, have easy meals at home and keep your expectations low.

If he’s normally a present dad and partner when he’s here I’d let it go this time but Let him
know it’s not ideal and it needs better planning in future.

complete non issue in my opinion. but you should get equal free time so that up to you to schedule

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