Unhappy that husband wants to go on lads long weekend right after being away for work

[Slumberqueeen]

Hi,

Am I being unreasonable about not being keen on my husband going away for the October bank holiday for a lads weekend.

I would normally not have an issue at all but he travels for work a lot and he will be gone for nearly a week just beforehand. So it's timing of them being so close to together that's the issue.

The work trip has been in the diary for months but the lads only decided to book the holiday last week. He'll be back on the Wednesday from the work trip and wants to fly out again on the Friday.

It's tough going minding our high energy 4 year old by myself especially for a long weekend. Our family will be away (they don't live locally either) so it'll just be me. Also the clocks are due to go back that weekend too so fun times 🥴

What's the specific objection here?

Are you in the UK ? There isn’t a bank holiday in October ? I wouldn’t be over the moon about it but if it’s a one off I wouldn’t mind. The issue is will / do you get the same amount of time off ?

Bad timing I guess if he’s also been away for work, but is this a regular thing? Or just something once a year?

Do you get equal time to go out with friends/alone time etc?

Thats fine as long as the following weekend is yours to do as you please - assuming its not a hugely regular occurrence, I think its ok

Slightly annoying that they are so close together but no big deal.

Did you discuss it or did he just announce it?

I wouldn't be super excited about this either when my DC were that age, but it does rather feel like just bad luck on timing.

The bigger question is how is this managed and what is his attitude? Eg he just annoucnes it and you're supposed to get on with things and when he comes back he doesn't step up and he certainly doesn't appreciate you facilitating - bad.

On the other hand, i fhe's grateful, offers some thoughts on how he can make it up to you in terms of time off for you or things he can do with DS before/after etc, and is asking for your opinion and acknowledgeing the impat on you, then I'd be inclined to say fine, he can go. (But clearly then you and him need to figure out how to make it as little impact on you as possible)

The lads booked it and told him that's when they are going so he just mentioned he wants to go.

It's just the thought of minding our 4 year old solo for the bones of a week and half. He's an only child so there is zero downtime when he's awake. A full day or two max over a weekend is manageable and during the week is fine as I'm working and he's in nursery. The thoughts of a 3 day long weekend fills me with dread. 😔

I already parent solo a lot as he travels for work a lot but it mostly falls on week days and only the odd weekend.

Ya he doesn't see it as a big deal and wouldn't do anything extra before he goes away. He is good when he's here with our son taking him out doing stuff , gets up early on a weekend with him etc however all life admin for our son I take care of.

If it falls on a weekend if I'm away (v rarely) he goes down and visits his parents with him.

That's the other thing, he'll be tired from the work trip and be home late on the Wednesday evening and fly out early on the Friday.

I know when he's back then on the bank holiday Monday he'll be fit for nothing after a long weekend of hardly any sleep and drinking.

Can you book a cinema trip on Saturday and Sunday so you have something structured in the diary. Then add in seeing friends. Keep busy and have plans.

Well if you rarely get away & he does a lot , it would be an issue for me too.
You say he works away quite a bit , everyone knows working away still means socialising in the evenings with collegues, I’m not implying party , party , but some down time none the less & with fellow adults.
Anyway, with him just back after a week yeah I’d be pissed off with it .
You’ll get countless on here telling you how cool they’d be with it , shite talk by lots of them 🙄

YANBU in asking him not to go especially when he doesn’t seem to have ever looked after DS solo for more than a few hours!

I think it's pretty selfish behaviour on his part OP given how much time you spend lone parenting when he is away from home with his work..
Sounds as though family life and you aren't much of a priority in his life.

Thanks I appreciate the last couple of people saying I'm not being unreasonable.

He think that's it's unfair as he's away for work and not fun and wants a break to go away with his friends. He says the work trips are tiring long days with meetings etc

That's hardly my fault though and I'm still left solo parenting while he's gone.

It sounds like the bigger issue is the life admin and active parenting and I’d make it my mission in life to offload much more onto him. Plus it would be exhausting for me too so there would be a very clear conversation where I said I’m supporting your career by doing all the parenting so you can travel for work. That’s very tiring. You’re showing your appreciating me by then taking a bank holiday weekend for yourself - no wait, there is no appreciation there. I’m just more exhausted. When are you going to take a substantial chunk of parenting on and give me a break? I need you to come up with some genuine substantial plans or I will be sleeping at a hotel myself for a week or two while you juggle the family load, I’m overloaded, fatigued and unappreciated and it’s about time you took on more practical role here.

He only thinks work trips are tiring because he’s never had sole care of an energetic toddler.

Also your DS is going to want to see Daddy!

What should be happening is that you get to go away for a few days for some rest and downtime.

I agree. He's never even looked after him a full day let alone a weekend solo.

A couple months ago I had a two day work trip which was a first for me and it was the first time he stayed at home and didn't go stay with family as it was during the week. So he had him in the morning before nursery 2 mornings and in the evening for 2 evenings before and after work.

That was the first time he was alone overnight with him.
He does have a busy stressful job so he thinks looking after our son is a doddle in comparison.

I asked him then why do you always go visit family to help if I'm ever away and he says beacause I can and I don't have to look after him by myself.

Our son is 4 year old btw

Are you a SAHM?

I think they are too seperate issues here. One is that you need to make sure you have fun and get away also. The 2nd issue is possibly does your DH actually help out enough @Slumberqueeen

A long weekend away wouldn't bother me tbh. I would just also plan a Spa trip or something.

I think he’s being selfish OP .
Anyway it’s the holiday’s , he should want to be home with you guys .
Just tell him he’s not going 😂.
I have to put in that laughing emoji or I’ll be inundated with posters telling me how controlling I am 🙈 😂

As long as it's not something he does regularly, and I was also free to book a long weekend away with friends sometime soon I wouldn't have an issue. Could you book a day out with friends over the long weekend so you aren't just 1:1 with him all weekend?

I don't understand that you can't look after your 4yr old for three days ?? but your ok through the week as your at work ? What would you do if you were a single parent ?

No I work 4 days a week.

I do feel a little bad as he does deserve a break as he works hard and he doesn't go away with friends very often at all but he's away for work a lot instead so it's tiring for me.

I really don’t see the issue. It’s a few days once in a blue moon

arrange to see someone /do something with friends - his parents ? Your parents /family

She’s not a single parent .
Why are you asking an irrelevant question to OPS situation?
It’s like saying “ Bet you’d manage fine if he was in a wheelchair “ .
Do you see my point ?
That would be a statement that makes no sense