AIBU to keep inheritance separate from our family finances?

[CareBearClaire]

WWYD?

I’ve been left approx £16k collectively after both my DPs died (a few years apart). It’s been sitting in my bank account untouched since then. I don’t want to waste it on bits and pieces - I either want to give it to my DCs or use a part of it at least for something for me.

I am married, main breadwinner, work my butt off. We put all our earnings into one pot otherwise. AIBU if I keep this £16k separate to the family money and for me to decide what to do with it, spend it myself and/or give some to the DCs?

Thanks

I would say it probably deserves a conversation? Would your DH not agree with how you want to spend it?

Definitely not unreasonable to want to spend some of it on yourself - I used a small inheritance to buy a beautiful piece of art and a ring, and I look at them as a gift from the person who left me the money.

Keep it separate put it in a S&S isa

Depends on if you need it day to day. I wouldn't sit on £16k if the car kept breaking for instance. Personally all money is family money so this isn't what I would do, but it sounds like you resent your DH and feel you work a lot harder than they do so might be different.

my husband inherited about £40k from his mum and he classed it as family money. I’m set to inherit a huge amount and it wouldnt even cross my mind to say it was mine. We’re married and have been for a long time, what we both earn and inherit is joint money. How would you feel if it was the other way round?

Although I would feel uncomfortable about there being a financial inequality in my marriage, its your inheritance and your choice.

At least put it in an investment account! Look at Wise or Nutmeg or something.

YANBU.

I'd keep it separate but use it only when absolutely necessary for a family expense - and you get the final say on what uses are "absolutely necessary".

Agree. I get a small bonus every year, it just goes in the joint back account . Although last year my husband transferred it out into my separate savings account so I’d spend it on myself. So opposite problem I suppose.

When DH inherited some money from his grandmother, I very much encouraged him to do with it what he would. It was 'extra' money, not budgeted, and bequeathed to him, for him to spent how he saw fit. I'm really glad I did, because it meant he bought something beautiful, that makes him think of her, before some other member of the family got their sticky mitts on what remained, in a trust account he had encouraged us to put the money into and we thought safe. You never know what's around the corner.

Personally I would share it with my DH. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer though.

What does marriage mean to you? To me it means being equal and sharing the good things and bad. Not just keeping any good fortune all to myself.

My inheritance is in a seperate account that only I have access to. Over the years I have contributed a lot towards holidays,furniture,giving my children a substantial amount towards courses,house deposit,rental etc .
Husband is absolutely fine about it .
If it had been put in family pot it would have whittled down significantly!

If you are the type of family that choose to put it all in a family pot (I am) then you really cant just decide when it doesnt suit you.

I got over 6 figures last year and i dont think for a second i imagined it as anything other than family money. I havent spent a single penny of it on myself and neither has my partner but if we did, it would be the same as any other money we spend. A family decision.

You know what she meant. A sudden influx of money (yes in sad times but still extra money)

Invest it. Regardless of whether you consider if just yours or family money, invest it and forget about it.

It depends so much on the relationship. I've been married over 30 years, we have our kids together, we've built everything together. Everything we inherit would go into a joint pot. I don't think that's unreasonable in the circumstances.

If my DH died and I remarried in however many years, it would be entirely different. Then I'd want to protect my assets, which we hadn't built together and where we didn't have a joint stake in the children, so it would benefit my children. I would keep all assets and inheritances completely separate in this case, for my children's sake.

We have decided to keep inheritances separate from family money.

In general (at least in England) if you ever divorce then if an inheritance has been mixed in with family money it is just part of the overall pot of money and it will be shared.

If you’ve always kept it separate then you can just keep it

(obviously there are complications to this, and in some circs you’d have to share it, but this is the starting point).

My feeling was that ultimately if we did divorce my grandparents wouldn’t have wanted their life savings ending up with my ex husband! So I kept it separate, he’s now also had an inheritance which he’s kept separate.

Give over. My parents died recently too. I haven’t kept all the money to myself. We’re a family.

What would your husband do if the boot was on the other foot?

With DH and I we've put all inheritances into the family pot along with any other money (though sometimes it's spread in different accounts and separate names, we see it as one pot though). That has suited me as I'm a much lower earner than DH.

Personally I think inheritance belongs to the person and not the household.

In saying that though DH received a large inheritance that we have split between us to maximise tax free savings via ISA's and Premium Bonds but ultimately it's his money not mine.

we’ve received 4 inheritances, some smaller ones went right into household spending, some special purchases and yes some into a savings not to be frittered away.
save it if that’s what you’re head and heart are saying at this time.