AIBU to keep inheritance separate from our family finances?

[CareBearClaire]

WWYD?

I’ve been left approx £16k collectively after both my DPs died (a few years apart). It’s been sitting in my bank account untouched since then. I don’t want to waste it on bits and pieces - I either want to give it to my DCs or use a part of it at least for something for me.

I am married, main breadwinner, work my butt off. We put all our earnings into one pot otherwise. AIBU if I keep this £16k separate to the family money and for me to decide what to do with it, spend it myself and/or give some to the DCs?

Thanks

Plenty of people's parents die without leaving them an inheritance. This is about the money, not the OP losing her parents.

The fact that the OP is asking the question suggests that she's trying to right a perceived inequality in her marriage, either that her DH doesn't pull his weight financially/working or in the home, or that he takes a disproportionate fraction of family money for himself. Otherwise the OP wouldn't feel like she needed to hang onto this money for her/DCs. So maybe that's what needs looking at?

I'm all for nobody relying on a spouse for financial support. However - if this were a man posting, he'd be told it's joint money!

I think it depends on loads of factors. It needs a conversation at the very least, I would say. And it’s worth remembering it would likely be considered a marital asset if you did divorce (but also depending on various things I think).

Off the top of my head, whether the money is needed elsewhere, what your finances look like day to day, whether your partner has access to other money for themselves, in what circumstances are you the breadwinner- do you mean you just happen to earn a bit more than they do but you’ve both always worked and share household tasks etc, or is your partner at home looking after young kids? If the latter, there’s more argument that it should be shared I think.

I think it’s not so much a male/ female thing but a surrounding circumstances thing, as I’ve tried to say in my post.

It depends on whether the spouse is just earning slightly less or if they’ve made financial sacrifices for the family as a whole, imo.

If we got divorced (probably unlikely as we've been together 30 years but never say never) I would have no intention of touching that money, it belongs to him.

Ultimately though I have a £50K Premium Bond plus £20K per year ISA allowance so seems daft for DH to pay 40% tax on interest when we could squirrel away £140K between us in year one then drip feed £40K into ISA's each year after that.

Not a typical MN response btw, a financially savvy one 🙄.

I don't like the concept of "family money". Every person, married or not, has a right to personal funds, and to keep money that's specifically been given to them for just themselves.

I inherited some money it went on our extention. DH inherited some money and used it to pay off a big chunk of the mortgage. Any further inheritances would be home improvements or holidays plus helping the kids.

We have all our money in one pot, but when I received an inheritance, we ringfenced the money. We wanted to use it for non budgeted expenses eg an additional holiday, gifts for the DCs etc. We decide jointly how to spend the money and also take into consideration what my Dm would have done with the money eg we will use some to pay for DD’s driving lessons as my dm paid for Ds’s . It’s not in a separate account in my name, it’s just theoretically put to one side.

"dear god" the good fortune is the cash coming in.

Not the dead parents - some of us have dead parents and no money coming in

If you got an extra few thousand in inheritance surely you would think there is a bright lining in your cloud

my mom died in January I will soon be getting approx 30k as inheritance. I have decided I want the front garden sorting out and a new drive laid then if there is money left over I want some work doing on the back garden. Husband has told me I should spend it on myself but a new front garden would actually make me very happy and my mom would really approve of it.

so I suppose in my case I am making the decision what to do with it but it will be to improve the family environment.

If I came into the money before marriage then it would stay separate but to me anything after marriage should be shared. Especially in a long standing marriage.

There’s no right or wrong answer to this and of course the money has a lot of emotion attached to it. It’s just something to talk about with your husband.

For what it’s worth when my husband inherited about £10K from his grandmother we used it to pay off my school loans. But I was pregnant, we’d been together for a decade and share all finances so he was really paying the interest too.

I think it's fine, as long as you don't mind your OH doing the same if/when he inherits. I've inherited modest amounts twice over the past 10 years, each time I used it for the benefit of the family (home improvements, once in a lifetime holiday). I expect my DH to do the same when the time comes and have made this clear.

DH inherited about £50k from his DM and it's just gone into our family pot. We've spent some on the house and a couple of weekend breaks, but a lot is just sitting there.

At some point I'm expecting to inherit something from my parents. It will just go in the family pot again.

All our money has always just gone into a joint account/joint savings. I don't see that suddenly deciding, 'But this is MINE' is particularly reasonable, to be honest. It doesn't matter whether the money came from work, inheritence or a lottery win. We share it.

Anything my husband and I inherit from either of our sets of parents will be family money. Not to say that you are wrong and we are right but that's how we do all of our money.

I think it all depends on your circumstances but should probably merit some discussion with DH. How old are the DC? Are they at the stage where they would appreciate some help with student expenses or cars or house deposit? Do you have a reasonable car or could it do with replacing? Or would a second car make life easier? Are you able to budget for a decent holiday out of income or is it years since you had one? Do you have several months worth of expenses saved as a buffer or would illness or redundancy see you struggling?
These are things I would be considering in deciding what to do with an inheritance. If you feel these are all sorted then maybe splurge some of the money on a treat such as a major holiday or a fairly major home improvement (summerhouse? Outdoor kitchen?) or something like art or jewellery but still keep some somewhere it will earn interest.

Same. I inherited £250k and it was “our” money

Odd perception of my post. I was obviously being general as in unexpected money such as inheritance or lottery win or whatever. Well obvious to everyone but you.

Would you be ok with your DH/DW keeping a £16 inheritance for themelf rather than putting it in the family pot?

I think it depends on your family make-up. I received significant inheritance from my late husband including life insurance/pension etc - including the house being paid off. That will only ever go to our children. I have a DP who lives with us and my kids love him - but we will never marry and it will never be his owned home. He has his own property that's currently rented out for his (adult) kids. But we both agree that our individual assets will only go to our respective children so there's no issue.

I kept my inheritance and DH kept his. We will use it for common expenses if needed but meanwhile we are pooling our incomes and living on that. It feels fine.

I suppose it depends on your family and what you've agreed.

For us, all money is family money. We might keep an inheritance separate, but we'd decide together.