AIBU to feel uneasy about expensive gifts from his ex via their child?

[HelloUpThere]

It was my partners birthday a couple of weeks ago and his ex wife bought him a gift from their child as she does for every occasion. The gifts she/their child got would have cost around £50-£60. His child is late primary school age. AIBU to be annoyed about this? I get that they will still buy each other stuff but I would have thought a token gift is more than enough. Like for my DS’s dad I will just get a box of chocolates or something small. They are genuinely nice gifts and things that he likes and would choose himself. I’m not sure if that’s why it annoys me so much because she clearly still knows him so well. It just feels a bit odd as I will give him gifts from our child and I will include my son in that. But then his DC gives their own separate presents after. I mean I guess that’s what they want to do so I suppose that’s the most important thing. But is that sort of money normal to spend? Father’s Day it was about the same amount and last Christmas it was a bit more. It just feels like I’m sitting there whilst he’s opening presents from another woman. Am I being totally unreasonable here? It’s making me curious to know how much he spends on her as well as tbh I don’t have a clue. But he spends less on me for Mother’s Day than when she spends on him. So I’ll be annoyed if he’s spending more. Is that unreasonable too? 😂
AIBU- yes totally normal to spend however much on ex when it’s ’from the kids’
AIBU - no that’s an inappropriate amount and I’m right to be a bit bothered by it

Well now we've established what is actually behind your insecurity OP, I personally think that now is ultimatum time. Clearly the gift situation is going to be an ongoing reminder of the fact that he's treating his 'so called' Ex, better than he's treating the woman he's chosen to live with, so sit him down after the kids are in bed, and tell him that while the gift giving situation has brought up your insecurities, you've realised that there is a bigger problem, which is the fact that he's making no effort to cut ties with his wife. Then go on to tell him that unless he gets on and sets the wheels in motion for a divorce by (give him a time limit), then you're out, as you're done feeling like second best, and MEAN IT!

Hopefully, you're in a position where you can afford to set up home without him?

When I got together with my husband, suddenly, divorcing my ex husband became an absolute priority because there was no way I wanted to be married to someone else. That’s because I was head over heels in love with my now husband. My ex caused me no issues at all and we’d split and sold the house about three years prior. What I’m telling you is your partner and his wife do not want to get divorced. You are not a priority.

MD is saying it's reasonable to spend the same,but I think I'd expect him to spend more.
birthdays etc. I'd understand him getting a gift off your child to the same value as their child to get but his present to you should be more whereas I wouldn't expect him to get her a present at all

If his kids are 8 and 7 he didn't hang about.

The fact he doesn’t want to get divorced would be the end of your relationship for me. I wouldn’t want to put my whole life on hold (marriage, kids) just because he’s got his child already and doesn’t seem to want any other that with you.

You think it's annoying that the child gets a gift for their dad that he likes and could use? To me it just sounds like you're jealous or think his ex still fancies him.

Well yes I guess I am jealous. And I think with good reason on this occasion.
Had another conversation with him and he basically said the same thing that he still needs to have a life so can’t get a divorce just yet. Used stupid examples like getting a take away and buying bits for the house. After the argument he went out to the pub all day. But yet I’m the selfish one for not understanding the stress and burden I’m putting on him. So this is a man who is prioritising his marriage to his ‘ex’ over me as he would rather stay married than build a future with me as I’ve made it clear many times that I will not be buying a house etc whilst he’s still married. So in this position, I feel a lot of you would also be uneasy about the gifts.
Anyway it’s ended with him saying he will leave as he wasn’t happy about being issued with an ultimatum (I said I wanted a timeframe). So whilst my OP was very petty, sometimes there might be a genuinely good reason behind it and this needed to happen to make me see sense.

Wow so take aways and pub were more important than divorcing his wife.

Proving his commitment to you meaning nothing to him.

So he's told you exactly where you come on his list of priorities. He'd rather end your relationship than divorce his wife? Sorry it's come to this but at least you know where you stand! (And when your child is old enough, make sure you get them to tell him they want to buy you expensive gifts 😂)

You sound unhinged

Maybe that’s why he’d rather stay married to someone else. I think I’ll be very much not unhinged once he’s actually left. And now I feel so much better and couldn’t care less if he buys her a brand new car. So don’t worry I haven’t upset or caused any rift between him and his ex.

You are picking for the sake of picking. Address your insecurities. You have sod all right to try and control what this child’s mother thinks is an acceptable gift for her child to present to his dad.

If you’d read it, you’d see that I have