To be furious with DP? 3yo has massive bruise after being left with him

[NegativeCloud]

sorry this is a bit of a ramble

my 3 year old is in hospital at the minute after surgery. I’ve been here with him pretty much the whole time and went home for a bit earlier to shower and get some stuff etc.

I left him with his dad/my bf.

Apparently they went into the playroom and he’s fallen and now he’s got a HUGE bruise on his face. it’s really bad, like straight away you can see it and it’s swollen.

I asked what happened and he just said he fell over playing. I asked what he hit his face on and he couldn’t actually tell me properly?? Then he admitted he was on his phone when it happened.

I’m so angry I can’t even explain it. He’s 3, I know kids fall over and accidents happen but he’s in hospital after surgery. Surely you should be watching him properly?? Especially when I’ve literally had to leave him there with you because I needed to go home for a couple of hours.

And now I feel awful for leaving him.

The nurses have seen the bruise and are checking him obviously, I’m not ignoring it, but I’m sat here feeling sick about the whole thing.

I don’t even know if I’m being unreasonable because I’m so stressed and tired anyway.

I just can’t get past the fact he was on his phone while he was supposed to be looking after him.

Sorry this probably makes no sense.

Your feelings are absolutely valid OP. I would be absolutely raging.

I would be furious too OP. Fucking selfish behaviour. But don't let child see you upset it will stress him out more. Glad nurse is aware and will keep an eye on it . It might be a large bruise and look worse if he had any anticoagulant.

Dont trust him to look after him alone again.

What an absolute prick/ waste of space he is!! I would be really mad too! I hope your little one is okay x

I hope he is feeling awful about it.

It sounds like a really stressful time. I’m sorry he had to have surgery and I hope he’s covering well. No your partner should not have been on his phone. It’s a crap really that he couldn’t give an unwell 3YO is full attention. However, I doubt you can go as far as to say he could have prevented the fall. A 3YO isn’t always going to be within arms reach and if it was a split second thing then eyes and attention may not have been enough to prevent it. Personally I wouldn’t be angry or blame him but I would just be really disappointed.

Hmm it's lazy parenting, however 3yos do fall over even when you are watching them. He was in a play room, which arguably should be a safe space to explore.

Does your DP usually opt out of parenting or does he usually do a good job and just got slightly distracted?

It happens op, kids can fall in the blink of an eye.

ds fell whilst i was videoing him when he was 3 or 4. He was dancing and did the "Mammy, Mammy - take my picture" then promptly fell and burst his lip. I was gutted but he was unfazed.

Also - not to be arsey but are you on your phone whilst at the hospital now?

Ok it’s crap but don’t let people on here wind you up into a frenzy. He was careless and that’s annoying but it happens.

It’s a shit time for all of you. Horribly stressful. I hope your boy is ok x

Accidents happen. I get you are stressed but 3 year olds fall over all the time.

It does happen but it’s pretty shit that it happened in the very short time that he was under DP’s watch rather than yours. I’d be very unimpressed OP and would probably not be able to hide it under the circumstances. Is he usually rubbish or was it one of those things? If one of mine hurt themselves on OH’s watch I’d let it go because he is a good, present, involved dad and they are generally really safe with him - but if he was habitually useless and didn’t supervise them properly then yes, it would be incredibly annoying and upsetting if he couldn’t even manage to watch them adequately while they were in hospital and had just had surgery! If there’s ever a time to keep a closer eye you’d think that would be it.

That’s not fair. He could have been watching him and still not been able to stop it happening. Also has the OP said he’s generally useless?

It may be that this could just as easily have happened on her watch. I made that mistake back when mine were tiny. Had a go at my husband because my two year old fell off the couch and got a bump on her head while he was in charge. The very next day my three year old tumbled on the stone steps outside when I was watching her 🤷‍♀️ it happens.

I was taking my 3 yr old niece to a little kids club, turned round to lock the door…she fell flat on her face while my back was turned for 5 seconds! 🙈

You are on your phone now.

These things do happen quickly. My 3 tear old gave herself a black eye tripping over her own sock. It's not always preventable.

Why are pp trying to excuse this man being on his phone when he was supposed to be supervising his child in the play room? Even if his child wasn't recovering from surgery since when did looking at your phone take priority over your child?

You are right to be angry OP. Absolutely dreadful.

I'd be pissed off, given the child was in the hospital after surgery.
That situation calls for paying closer attention.

I completely understand your feelings, it's awful when your child is hurt (especially if they have just been in hospital), but I think that whether YABU depends on a few factors.

Was he quickly doing something on his phone or completely ignoring his son whilst doomscrolling for an hour? How serious was the surgery and how is your child's recovery? My older DS had very minor surgery at the same age and whilst I was a nervous wreck, he was fine to be treated as normal as soon as he was discharged (apart from the usual advice to watch out for infection).

It's completely normal to not give a 3 year old your full attention all the time. I've not long since put a load of laundry on whilst mine played in the next room. Earlier I took a call from my mum and definitely wasn't giving him undivided attention. He could have fallen during these times, but that's a normal amount of risk, providing the child doesn't need close monitoring.

A play room should be a safe environment for a young child. Unless you have a huge house and your child spends most of their time in a dedicated, especially designed, playroom, I would expect playing in the house where they also have non-playthings in the room, would be much more dangerous.

Your child is 3 not 1. Unless he is extremely unwell after surgery, like unsteady on his feet, dizzy, very weak on his legs, your husband did nothing wrong from a safety point of view. I mean maybe it was sad that your kid was allowed out of bed and his parent didn't bother play with him... but that's a different issue.

If he's just had surgery then likely he is on blood thinners and the bruise will be totally out of proportion with the actual hit. It probably looks way worse than it really is.

I had a visitor poke me to wake me up after surgery (I'm deaf) and it left a bruise the size of a large baking potato.

I’m sorry you’re upset and your son is hurt. But accidents happen and I don’t think your bf did anything wrong. I very much doubt that you haven’t picked up your phone the whole time you’re in hospital either.

Children have accidents. I think you're stressed (rightly so) about the hospital stay, and directing that stress at him.
My dd has had a broken collar bone, alongside many other injuries whilst dh was looking after her. Not once did it even cross my mind to blame him - accidents happen.

This. It is impossible phone or no phone to prevent every accident. Yes its more likely you can prevent the lead up, like he was running toward something or something like that

But many many parents do not have full eyes and full attention every single second on their child, it simply isnt possible.

I could have been you OP, perhaps not on your phone, but something you couldnt prevent or you turned to talk to a nurse for a min or two and something happens.

He'll be in more scrapes as he grows and you sound very blaming. Its not neglect or abuse from your partner.

Kids do hurt themselves but I expect if they've had surgery recently enough that they are still in hospital, you'd be extra vigilant.

A prime example of MN double standards.

If this was a mother the responses would be far more sympathetic.

"She deserved 5mins peace after a stressful time"
"Why wasn't the playroom safer?"
*She was only sending a text message to her mum to update her on the surgery"
*He'd have fallen over even if she was watching"

Of course it's horrible to see your poorly child injured but this sounds like an honest accident. Apportioning blame this harshly won't help.