To be furious with DP? 3yo has massive bruise after being left with him

[NegativeCloud]

sorry this is a bit of a ramble

my 3 year old is in hospital at the minute after surgery. I’ve been here with him pretty much the whole time and went home for a bit earlier to shower and get some stuff etc.

I left him with his dad/my bf.

Apparently they went into the playroom and he’s fallen and now he’s got a HUGE bruise on his face. it’s really bad, like straight away you can see it and it’s swollen.

I asked what happened and he just said he fell over playing. I asked what he hit his face on and he couldn’t actually tell me properly?? Then he admitted he was on his phone when it happened.

I’m so angry I can’t even explain it. He’s 3, I know kids fall over and accidents happen but he’s in hospital after surgery. Surely you should be watching him properly?? Especially when I’ve literally had to leave him there with you because I needed to go home for a couple of hours.

And now I feel awful for leaving him.

The nurses have seen the bruise and are checking him obviously, I’m not ignoring it, but I’m sat here feeling sick about the whole thing.

I don’t even know if I’m being unreasonable because I’m so stressed and tired anyway.

I just can’t get past the fact he was on his phone while he was supposed to be looking after him.

Sorry this probably makes no sense.

His dad should have been playing with him which would have prevented him falling anywhere. Especially after surgery. I hope the BF is feeling very guilty and has learned a lesson.

Is the child running around a playroom at this time whilst OP is on her phone? Or could he be laid safely in bed?

It is quite predictable of MN
I was actually expecting the OP to be instructed to leave her partner.
Total over reaction.

On the other hand if they have had surgery and are maybe a bit wobbly they could easily fall however diligent you are being, short of holding onto them all the time. His dad surely wasn't intending for him to fall and hurt himself, cut some slack you are both upset.

Yes, Im waiting for 'I wouldnt be able to get past that OP'

Not necessarily.

You can be playing with a child and they can still bump themselves on whatever they're playing with, trip over their own feet on their way to get a different toy, or, in the case of my dd, be doing a jigsaw at the table with me, stand up to put a top piece in and miss the chair on the way back down. She'd pushed it back as she stood and didn't realise. Cracking bruise on her jaw.

Accidents happen - even when playing with children.

Having a child in hospital and also having surgery is incredibly stressful. It's going to come out somewhere, and this is a prime opportunity. Is it reasonable? Unless the OP has never ever taken her eyes off her child for a second, never looked at her phone, nipped for a wee, made a call, gone into another room whilst also having sole charge of her dc, then no, it's not reasonable.

Are her feelings and reaction understable in the current situation? Yes.

Well that's not very practicable is it? It's his dad! What's she supposed to do, become omnipresent? Give up every single other aspect of her life to watch her son constantly?

Even if she does that, her kid will probably still fall over. 3 year olds do.

OP I can totally understand how stressed you might be, but these things happen. I dropped DD off a bed when she was a tiny baby. I am not a shit, lazy, negelftfil parent, I just looked away for a second, and didn't realise she could move that much.....

Cut him some slack - I am sure he feels awful. At this time, you need to support each other.

But I am not having a go - you are under enormous pressure. It must be awful. Xxx

My Dc have had various accidents right under my nose, whilst I was watching.
Hit under the chin by a swing requiring stitches
Broken arm by falling over when spinning round
Black eye when hit by a tennis ball
Broken finger when falling off a bike
Numerous cuts and bruises of varying degrees of size.

My point is, with the best will in the world accidents do happen even when we’re paying complete attention to our children. In today’s world people spend far too much time glued to our phones, or just being momentarily distracted by them. If you asked everyone who have DC under 20 on MN who has never had a phone within reach when in the presence of their child, I bet there’d be very few who said yes. I’m sure the DF really didn’t intend to allow his child to fall over and get hurt. There but for the grace of god goes most of us.

The comments here are ridiculous. I can understand OP being upset but 3 year olds fall, and sometimes parents go on their phones in front of their children. I'm sure some people on MN are just so unhappy with their own lives that they want to stir up other people's relationships by telling women how awful their partners are.

Oh piss off , this could have easily happened and will happen at some point when you are watching him too

It's upsetting that he is hurt, but accidents happen. He is 3 not a baby so should be expected to be able to play in a playroom without injury. It's unfortunate but really don't think that it is worth this reaction.

Big falls with big bruises in playrooms are quite uncommon, everyone saying 3yos fall all the time and everyone is on their phone, would you really not watch your 3yo more closely than usual if they were in hospital recovering from surgery? I would. I’d be pissed off at my dp. The good news is the hospital will notice.

My DS has had lots of surgeries from 10 months - 4. Usually when he’s well enough to go to the playroom that’s when I catch up on family messages etc. 3 year olds are clumsy but also hospitals are hard. Watching your baby get put under is hard. Waiting what feels like a lifetime for them to come out of surgery is bloody hard. Emotions are heightened, you’re exhausted. I know it’s hard but this one just try and let go. As long as he’s apologetic and not being a dick

It's not just the phone , could've been anything. Even if he was watching him the kid could've still fallen.

Good grief, how many on here have NEVER looked at their phone while looking after their kids? I’m going to guess… none?

I’m so sorry your son is having a really hard time OP, but I’m not sure being livid with your DP is totally fair either.

You mean you think its ok for someone to sit staring at their phone when they are supposed to be looking after their child?
Since when was looking at a phone more important than looking after the safety of your child? Since when was looking at your phone more important than interacting with your child?

Yes there was always the possibility of the child having fallen even if he hadn't been looking at his phone. But the fact he wasn't even looking at his child because he was looking at his phone made the chance of an accident that much more likely.

I hope you don't have children if you actually think.i's ok.to sit looking at your phone when you are supposed to be looking after their welfare

Mine fell over ( dd2 on regular occasions) and I didn't HAVE a phone when they were young. In fact DD2 could trip over a blade of grass

Much depends on how DP usually parents. Could be excusable or the latest example of laziness.

He should not have been on his phone
But kids can fall so quickly even if you are watching them!

I think it’s the ‘recovering from surgery’ bit which is important. He took over the duty of care but did it in perhaps a less vigilant way than the op.

what’s done is done.

what I would feel was important nowwould be whether the father felt remorse and guilt at his inattentive actions while his son was particularly vulnerable. If he took some level of accountability I would forgive quite quickly. We all make mistakes and hopefully he will have learnt from it - especially if it made him feel awful.

How could him not being on his phone have helped?

You're bound to be upset op, as pp have said much depends where this man feels any remorse. If he doubles down and tries to make out he wasn't negligent that speaks for itself. Does he have form for this kind of thing?

Yes, as you ask, YABU.

I understand this is a stressful time for you both, but children do fall over, and ^do have accidents, sometimes even when you are literally holding their hands, let alone when you are watching them across a play room. If your ds fell when he was 8' away from your dp (perfectly usual distance even in a living room or bedroom, let alone a playroom), your dp wouldn't have been able to prevent him hitting the floor whether he had eyes on his phone or only on your ds.

Accidents happen. They will be likely to happen throughout the next 18 years or more blaming each other helps nobody.

Exactly