To think my dd is being unfair for wanting concert tickets after she said granddaughter can’t go with grandson?

[YummyYakuza]

My grandson turned 17 last Tuesday, he lives with me FT and doesn't see his mum (my dd) at all really nor do they gave a relationship. My relationship with dd is also rocky and she can block me and go months without talking to me so I don't see of have contact my other grandchildren that live with her during this time

GS doesn't really have a relationship with his siblings and hates when they come over on those rare occasions they do , he used to follow his sister (13) on instagram but he then blocked her because he felt she was spying on him

I posted about him recently but i’m really struggling with him, he failed all his gcses, smokes weed, self harms, spends all his time in his room gaming ajd on his pc his sleep schedule is all over the place tbh and every conversation turns into an argument. He won’t engage with anyone though and no one will help

For his birthday he asked for money so I agave him some and on the same day he bought 2 concert tickets for next Thursday in London, he said they’re for him and his sister which I was surprised with because he’s not ever wanted to do anything with her before

His sister lives closer to London than us but dd has said no she isn’t going with him but then said if he really wants her to go then he has to give her (dd) the tickets as he cant have it both ways where he wants to do something nice but also go himself. My granddaughter knows about the tickets and is looking forward to it. My dd has also mentioned that under 14s need an 18+ year old there but gd is a month off being 14 and that probably wouldn’t be an issue as she does look older than her age

I really don’t know what to suggest to him as he wants to go and has spent most of his birthday money on the tickets (he only got it off me so it wasn’t loads but he was happy) and dd hasn’t mentioned anything about giving him any money for them, she just wants the tickets. He has said he’ll just go on his own “like always” but then said he doesn’t want his sister to miss out as she likes the artist too

What would you do? Is dd being unfair here?

Your poor GS. That’s his birthday present, not something his spiteful mother who didn’t even buy him a gift can take.

as for going to a concert with younger sibling I was only about 16 when I took my younger DS so she was 13. She needed a chaperone to see a band she liked so I took her. That was in a city nowhere near where we lived. A parent dropped us off and collected us after. But I was completely responsible for her as I had been most of my life. So there’s nothing wrong with a 17 year old brother taking his sibling to a concert, completely normal.

OP your GS needs a lot of suppprt here. His mother, I’m not sure she should even be called that, shouldn’t be anywhere near him. He deserves far better.

OP can you buy yourself a ticket and go with them?

Your DD (if you can refer to her as dear) is an asshole, and absolutely being unreasonable… what a CF, and that’s putting it nicely. Even if she offered GS the money it’s beyond the point. He purchased the tickets for himself to go. They are HIS. I hope he goes and has a lovely time.

Am I the only one who thinks it's a spectacularly bad idea for a weed-smoking 17-year-old to take a 13-year-old to a concert?

Tell your grandson to go with a friend. He's not responsible enough to be in charge of a younger child.

His sister is too young to go with him. They don't have a good relationship and he doesn't sound responsible enough to be in charge of a young teenager. He should go with a friend.

Your Daughter's relationship with her son sounds terrible but that is a whole other issue that one concert is not going to solve.

I’d not let a 14 year old go with him - no judgement, the poor lad has issues and it’s no wonder, but he can’t be responsible for a 14 year old he has a poor relationship with. Tbh I’m more concerned that he’s a month off 18 and the potential for him to be refused access if unaccompanied. Do you know the venue? Are they strict?

The problem sounds like his useless mother I'd say she's the cause of his behaviour imagine knowing your mum doesn't want you but then goes on to have more kids? Poor boy but I forgot this is Mumsnet and it's never the mums fault even if it obviously is she'll get a free pass as usual

Or just maybe his found something in common with his sister and wishes to try and have a relationship with her

She doesn't sound like she should be anybodys mum 😞 some people shouldn't have kids there are so many amazing people that would make great parents but can't yet losers like this seem to breed like rabbits

My heart is broken for him.
Does he have any friends he could take?
I know he wanted to take his sister which is lovely but honestly your DD will just ruin this for him either way and that’s not worth it

As a child that also experienced rejection from a mother this is the reason for all his issues and rebellion. He feels deeply unwanted.

On top of that his mum is clearly abusive which probably is the reason for his self harm and being unable to emotionally regulate.

The only thing that helped me was a routine, sport I liked and writing. Everyone has different ability.

I did got into bad crowd at 19 and it took a lot to cut them out later on.

I found later on what I needed was being safe at home and accepted for all my imperfections and loved regardless.

Therapist also helps and there are hypnotherapy downloads online which are very helpful as well. Especially about self love and acceptance.

I also hope you will protect your grandson from his mum. I also hope you will let him keep the tickets or go with him to connect with him. He deserves to be loved and have nice things even if he's different.

It doesn't look like the Mum is getting a 'free pass' on this one. Reactions have been unanimously condemning of her so far.

Your daughter wants to take her son's birthday present off him and have it herself? What a nasty piece of work she is.

It's your grandson's present. His tickets and he gets to go.

He has 3 options.

• he goes alone and sells the other ticket.
• he goes with a friend
• he goes with you.

Fully agree, my heart is breaking for this young man!

This - your dd sounds a horrible mother to her ds, has he got no friend to go with him. He's lucky to have you, poor youngster.