Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my dd is being unfair for wanting concert tickets after she said granddaughter can’t go with grandson?

65 replies

YummyYakuza · 09/09/2026 13:37

My grandson turned 17 last Tuesday, he lives with me FT and doesn't see his mum (my dd) at all really nor do they gave a relationship. My relationship with dd is also rocky and she can block me and go months without talking to me so I don't see of have contact my other grandchildren that live with her during this time

GS doesn't really have a relationship with his siblings and hates when they come over on those rare occasions they do , he used to follow his sister (13) on instagram but he then blocked her because he felt she was spying on him

I posted about him recently but i’m really struggling with him, he failed all his gcses, smokes weed, self harms, spends all his time in his room gaming ajd on his pc his sleep schedule is all over the place tbh and every conversation turns into an argument. He won’t engage with anyone though and no one will help

For his birthday he asked for money so I agave him some and on the same day he bought 2 concert tickets for next Thursday in London, he said they’re for him and his sister which I was surprised with because he’s not ever wanted to do anything with her before

His sister lives closer to London than us but dd has said no she isn’t going with him but then said if he really wants her to go then he has to give her (dd) the tickets as he cant have it both ways where he wants to do something nice but also go himself. My granddaughter knows about the tickets and is looking forward to it. My dd has also mentioned that under 14s need an 18+ year old there but gd is a month off being 14 and that probably wouldn’t be an issue as she does look older than her age

I really don’t know what to suggest to him as he wants to go and has spent most of his birthday money on the tickets (he only got it off me so it wasn’t loads but he was happy) and dd hasn’t mentioned anything about giving him any money for them, she just wants the tickets. He has said he’ll just go on his own “like always” but then said he doesn’t want his sister to miss out as she likes the artist too

What would you do? Is dd being unfair here?

OP posts:
Toosadtonight · 09/09/2026 15:24

YummyYakuza · 09/09/2026 14:57

It’s a SGO but there’s no support mostly due to his age and the fact he won’t engage. He doesnt dictate who visits he just hates when they visit and stays in his room.

GD likely would get away with them thinking she’s 14 as she does look older than her age and dd’s reason for saying no isn’t due to the venues rules, she just pointed it out later on

Show quote history

Some local authorities do offer post SGO support especially if you GS was a LAC prior to you taking him. At his age it’s going to be tricky and I wish you well once he turns the magic 18yrs old. If he wants to try and build a closer relationship with this sibling can you help facilitate that at home, as presumably the mum is okay with them coming to visit you.

LambriniBobInIsleworthISeesYa · 09/09/2026 15:35

That’s awful, your poor grandson (and granddaughter!) There must be more to this story with your daughter…. I assume that she isn’t a very nice person? Why don’t she and her son have a relationship?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 09/09/2026 15:40

Yes she is being unfair. But it sounds like this is not unusual for her. Is there any way you can get involved with this, such as travel into London with them

user35637865986 · 09/09/2026 16:04

Is there anyone else he could take with him? Shame for him to not go. I’m afraid his mother doesn’t seem to be in the running for mother of the year, poor kid.

Would your DD accept it if you took them to the venue and then travelled back with them if she’s worried about her 14yr old daughter?

BeachTimeIsBliss · 09/09/2026 16:08

I know you said he's giving you a bit of a hard time but I feel really bad for your grandson, and just want to give him a hug.
How sad for him that, for whatever reason, he lives apart from his mum and siblings. Even though your daughter doesn't sound nice he must feel so conflicted with his emotions.

Can you go with both the kids to the concert?

allthingsinmoderation · 09/09/2026 16:51

YummyYakuza · 09/09/2026 15:08

DD first said due to it being in London and it being far (for gs it’s a few hours away but gd is closer) then she said because it’s a thursday night and she has school the next day but then said she wants the tickets so then the school issue isnt a problem then?

She said GS can either be wanting to do something nice or for himself (himself if he keeps the tickets and wants to go with gd) that there’s no inbetween and he’d be the one who has let gd down but she’s not mentioned giving him the money for them she expects gs to just give them her. GS barely leaves the house as it is so I do think it’ll be good for him and finally out of his room/off of his pc

Show quote history

I think it a bit over zealous to say London is too far (but understand its her prerogative as a parent) for a 13 yr old but reasonable to think a London concert on a school night may not be wise.
Agree ,it sounds strange to express the above reservations but then want the tickets regardless.
As for inferring your GS is doing something wrong to want to do something nice for himself with his sister,thats a bit weird.
I think there is something deeper going on here than the details re distance,school night etc.
I think there is a reason your DD want your GD to go to a concert with your GS and i dont think it distance or timing.
Could it be your DD doesn't trust your GS,does she not want them to spend time together alone for some reason,is she worried about his level of responsiblity,drug use etc?
What do you think your DD side of this story would be?

ALJT · 09/09/2026 17:41

His mam is a nasty piece of work

EmmaB1309 · 09/09/2026 17:54

Doesn’t anyone else feel uneasy about the thought of a just turned 17 year old, and quite a troubled, vulnerable one at that, taking his 13 year old sister to a concert? Especially if they aren’t being dropped off and picked up.

Thistimearound · 09/09/2026 17:54

Bigcat25 · 09/09/2026 15:10

Don't dare let him give his birthday gift to his sister. How profoundly depressing that he must minimize himself on his birthday to such a degree at the behest of his mother. You can't enable this as his only supporter.

His mom sounds horrible with the on off blocking and everything else.

Exactly this. Do NOT let this happen OP.

His mother seriously wants him to give away his only birthday present? I hope you stood up for him.

Can he take a friend? Can you go?

Please, please let him know that he was doing a really nice thing here and it is his mother that has let down his sister and NOT him. He does not deserve to be guilt tripped like this.

Yytrtt · 09/09/2026 17:59

That poor, poor boy!!
My heart broke for his after reading that.

Your DD is a complete bitch and a terrible mother and I’d struggle to ever have contact with her again.

However, I think it’s best he takes someone else.
Even if his sister was allowed to go, they will likely need ID and be turned away without it - that’s a complete waste of money.

Does he have anyone else he can go with?

Thistimearound · 09/09/2026 17:59

BeachTimeIsBliss · 09/09/2026 16:08

I know you said he's giving you a bit of a hard time but I feel really bad for your grandson, and just want to give him a hug.
How sad for him that, for whatever reason, he lives apart from his mum and siblings. Even though your daughter doesn't sound nice he must feel so conflicted with his emotions.

Can you go with both the kids to the concert?

I know, I really hope there is someone in the world that is on the GS’s side and who he can rely on and I hope that person is the OP.

Yytrtt · 09/09/2026 17:59

EmmaB1309 · 09/09/2026 17:54

Doesn’t anyone else feel uneasy about the thought of a just turned 17 year old, and quite a troubled, vulnerable one at that, taking his 13 year old sister to a concert? Especially if they aren’t being dropped off and picked up.

Why do you feel uneasy?

I think it’s lovely and shows what a kind young man he’s becoming.

Elieza · 09/09/2026 18:06

i’d want to buy myself a ticket and take them both.

your daughter is a right piece of work.

he cannot win here.

if he doesn’t take his sister the girl will cry and her mum will blame him and say “he never wanted to take you nobody likes you” or somwthimg to hurt the child.

nope. i think you tell him it’s a very kind thing and youll help them by goimg too. but in future not to spend his money on tickets without clearing it first with his mum and you.

DearCritic · 09/09/2026 18:21

She’s too young to go. He sounds like he could be a risk to a girl, even his sister, it’s a bit suspicious/ odd he wants nothing to do with her, blocked her etc then wanted to take her out. Spends a lot of time online…. I would not allow it either. That part is not unreasonable in the slightest. HOWEVER it is absolutely beyond unreasonable to expect him to give them the tickets!!! That is outrageous. Ask him if he’ll take you and you’ll treat to a McDonald’s or whatever before hand.

Was it that his mother abandoned him? Or SS removal? If he’s not already been in therapy/ counselling for most of his life - he needs to be. Either bound to affect him and clearly your daughter/ his mother has severe issues too. Counselling might help him get his life together. He also needs to get volunteering if not in education or work.

Sallysredshoes · 09/09/2026 18:35

No ..my 13 year old DD would not be going in to London in the evening on any night with any 17 year old ..never mind a brother or half brother she doesn't know .
So if he stays in his room when they come over ,they basically don't know each other..it doesn't make sense..why would be not want them in the house .or not want them in his room ,yet want to go to a concert with one of them.
A weed smoking boy ,who dropped out of education,would not be taking my DD anywhere..I can't imagine he would be able to be responsible for her ,unless someone..an adult was taking the pair of them ,it would be a no from me .
However
The mother sounds unhinged
The son needs CAMHS appointments

ChalkOutlines · 09/09/2026 18:35

EmmaB1309 · 09/09/2026 17:54

Doesn’t anyone else feel uneasy about the thought of a just turned 17 year old, and quite a troubled, vulnerable one at that, taking his 13 year old sister to a concert? Especially if they aren’t being dropped off and picked up.

If I felt THAT uneasy I would say no. Or , buy a ticket for myself to join or just take DD there, wait for them outside and then take her back.

What I wouldn’t do is demand that a child(MY child) gives me and my DD the tickets he bought with his own birthday money!!

ChalkOutlines · 09/09/2026 18:37

Sadly, it’s becoming more and more obvious (if your other thread wasn’t enough) why your DGS is the way he is OP.

INeverReallyLovedYouAnyway · 09/09/2026 18:37

Sallysredshoes · 09/09/2026 18:35

No ..my 13 year old DD would not be going in to London in the evening on any night with any 17 year old ..never mind a brother or half brother she doesn't know .
So if he stays in his room when they come over ,they basically don't know each other..it doesn't make sense..why would be not want them in the house .or not want them in his room ,yet want to go to a concert with one of them.
A weed smoking boy ,who dropped out of education,would not be taking my DD anywhere..I can't imagine he would be able to be responsible for her ,unless someone..an adult was taking the pair of them ,it would be a no from me .
However
The mother sounds unhinged
The son needs CAMHS appointments

Yeah. This, to be honest…

shecanbe · 09/09/2026 18:57

This is actually heartbreaking to read. It's obvious the GS has asked the sister (who is only 14) to go with him as he doesn't have any friends of his own age. And now his 'mother' is even using that against him. When she got her son no gift for his birthday! What kind of mother is this? She sounds really nasty and I'd question if she should have any children living with her at all.

Of course he has a confused relationship with his siblings. Imagine if your mother never wanted to bring you up, but then went on to have other children who she did manage to have live with her. No wonder he is isolated and has behaviour issues.

What is actually wrong with the mother OP? Are there mental health issues? Is she stable enough for the children she does have living with her? How many kids does she have?

Thank god the GS has you. I know he's angry now and it can't be easy, but one day he will realise that you were the one always there for him. You may have saved his life actually.

Why don't you offer to go into London with them both and just wait nearby while the concert is on. If the DD doesn't get in due to needing age ID, then she can wait with you in a restaurant or something, and DS can go in alone. It's fine once you're in there. Lots of young people go to gigs alone if eg, they don't have friends who like the particular band, or can't afford it.

If your daughter won't allow the DD to go at all (even if you accompany), then is there anyone else your DS can go with?

PurpleLovecats · 09/09/2026 19:11

I agree with others that you should chaperone and wait outside. Under no circumstances should mum get the tickets, she’s an absolute disgrace.

Thistimearound · 09/09/2026 19:14

Sallysredshoes · 09/09/2026 18:35

No ..my 13 year old DD would not be going in to London in the evening on any night with any 17 year old ..never mind a brother or half brother she doesn't know .
So if he stays in his room when they come over ,they basically don't know each other..it doesn't make sense..why would be not want them in the house .or not want them in his room ,yet want to go to a concert with one of them.
A weed smoking boy ,who dropped out of education,would not be taking my DD anywhere..I can't imagine he would be able to be responsible for her ,unless someone..an adult was taking the pair of them ,it would be a no from me .
However
The mother sounds unhinged
The son needs CAMHS appointments

I don’t think it needs to be anything sinister. The boy doesn’t know his sister well (and likely harbours a LOT of resentment about the fact that his mother never looked after him but yet does the sister and other sibling(s)) but knows she likes a particular band or singer. He maybe doesn’t have too many friends himself or just desperately wants to connect with her in the only way he can think of and used his only birthday money to buy concert tickets. His horrid mother has now put the idea in his head that him offering his sister this gift is somehow selfish of him and of course he now thinks that, yet again, there’s something wrong with him and he can’t do anything right.

Maybe she is too young to go with someone who probably doesn’t know how to look after her, but he’s trying to do a good deed and feels punished for it.

Yytrtt · 09/09/2026 19:19

ChalkOutlines · 09/09/2026 18:37

Sadly, it’s becoming more and more obvious (if your other thread wasn’t enough) why your DGS is the way he is OP.

Exactly this!!

It’s a miracle he’s not 100x worse.

thisismeithinkorisit · 09/09/2026 19:25

The siblings have no relationship so of course DSis shouldn't go with him. Hoenstly I'm amazed you didn't talk about this with him in advnance.

But of course he doesn't give his present away. You essentially brought him two concert tickets for his present. So why don't you go with him?

nomas · 09/09/2026 19:27

His sister lives closer to London than us but dd has said no she isn’t going with him but then said if he really wants her to go then he has to give her (dd) the tickets as

So his mum wants him to give her his birthday concert tickets so she and her daughter can go instead? It's so ludicrous I need it confirmed 😂

[dd says] he cant have it both ways where he wants to do something nice but also go himself.

What would the point of buying concert tickets if he can't go?

Your dd sounds truly awful.

Sallysredshoes · 09/09/2026 19:53

Thistimearound · 09/09/2026 19:14

I don’t think it needs to be anything sinister. The boy doesn’t know his sister well (and likely harbours a LOT of resentment about the fact that his mother never looked after him but yet does the sister and other sibling(s)) but knows she likes a particular band or singer. He maybe doesn’t have too many friends himself or just desperately wants to connect with her in the only way he can think of and used his only birthday money to buy concert tickets. His horrid mother has now put the idea in his head that him offering his sister this gift is somehow selfish of him and of course he now thinks that, yet again, there’s something wrong with him and he can’t do anything right.

Maybe she is too young to go with someone who probably doesn’t know how to look after her, but he’s trying to do a good deed and feels punished for it.

Show quote history

Maybe he is ..but the op had another thread about him ,and I wouldn't let him loose with a child he was responsible for ..
I wasn't actually meaning anything sinister actually...but I can see how I worded it ,might of implied I was .
I just think ,they are both vulnerable,and both need an adult with them ideally to attend