Was i wrong for turning the wifi off because ds wouldnt turn his tv down

[dinosaursroars]

my older 2 boys share a room theyre 17 and 14 and dont really get along but sharing is usually fine
the only issues is gaming as they only have 1 tv and it’s a small room so often argue over whos turn it is but its usually ok

yesterday my ds1 had a headache and wanted to go to sleep but ds2 wouldnt turn the tv down which led to arguments and in the end i told him to turn it off all together it was nearly 10pm anyway so he had to go to bed because he had school he wasnt happy but he listened

today ds1 was still feeling unwell but he went to college and got home at 5 and seemed worse now like the cold had got worse thru the day

ds2 had been home since before 4 and was on his playstation since then as he had no homework and his day at school had been good

ds1 wanted to go to bed but couldnt due to the tv and i asked ds2 many times to turn it down and he kept saying no
in the end he came to have dinner but then after dinner was the same thing he said it was only 6 so he wasnt going to and on the end i turned the internet off which led to him shouting at me saying how ds1 is my favourite etc and stormed off and now im left sondering was i wrong to have turned the wifi off be ause he refused to turn it down
its the first time ive done this really so im questioning myself

No one brings up their child to cause trouble (at least I hope they don’t!) but what I think PP is trying to ask is what do you do to prevent him from causing trouble. How do you approach behaviour, consequences and rewards ect?

Op you sound overwhelmed where are the kids dad in this? A previous poster says you have 5 kids in a 2 bed, is there any scope for room changes?

My dc never had TV's or games consoles in their rooms for this reason.

we live in a 3 bed. i cant change the rooms my eldest used to have his own and my younger 3 shared but my then 4yo would usually get into my bed and posters on here told me to get the older 2 to share instead

Remove the TV from their room, your DS who insisted on the TV being on whilst knowing his brother was unwell is very selfish and he should not get away with it.

Move the TV into another room and ban it from their bedroom, not just until your son is feeling better but from now on.

Using WiFi access or taking away gadgets is part of the tool box for modern parenting

Parenting is tough and gets tougher in their teens. It is up to us to use whatever tools we have to make are children decent human beings as adults.

I once drove around for two weeks with my eldest two sons Xbox in back of my car because they were becoming impossible to wake up for school in the morning ( not really due to tiredness but ignoring me once they were physically to big for me to drag them out of bed). They got the Xbox back once they would wake get up on time. The rest of their secondary school years they got up when asked, probably fear of what I would do next if they didn't.

My adult sons are now hard working, tax paying, empathic, social and seem to be good partners to their girlfriends. Being tough on your kids occasionally makes parenting long term easier and also produces the kind of adults society needs.

Just becuase posters from a previous thread told you to do something does not mean you continue if it’s not working. However I doubt having your 14 year old in a room with two other younger children would work either. Is there a way to turn your living room into another bedroom? Then have older two in their own room and younger two in the other and you in the other. Devices need to be turned off at an acceptable time.

You did the right thing, so don’t worry about it. I’d tell him that you aren’t having him telling you “no” when you’ve asked him to do something perfectly reasonable.

When my two shared when we were in a two bed, we had two tvs one an above the other and they used headphones. Worked surprisingly well.

DS1's need for quiet/to sleep when he's ill overrides DS2's preference to blast his noise with no headphones. Assuming DS2 knew that his brother was unwell, it's pretty shitty that he wouldn't use headphones just this once, or even take a break from gaming for the night (assuming the unit can't be moved and there was nowhere else for DS1 to rest). So no, not unreasonable that you did what you could to make him stop gaming, but I'm sure if he's determined he can find another way to make noise.

Why would your son be causing trouble if he went out? That’s quite concerning that you think he would.

You’ve done nothing wrong by turning off the Wi-Fi. Your son was inconsiderate to his brother, rude and disrespectful to you. He needs a break from screen time. I definitely wouldn’t be adding another TV to the boys’ bedroom.

Err sarcasm ?

Why?
It's completely unacceptable for someone to be gaming like that in a shared bedroom so you need to find a suitable place for it. The kitchen maybe?

we live in a small flat

Weird, you can't hear anything if you're not wearing my headphones. Maybe he needs different ones . He needs to wear headphones all of the time. If he's playing co-op or not. It's rude to inflict the noise of a game on the rest of the house.

You haven't gone far enough. The fact he doesn't immediately do what you ask proves it. Confiscate the playstation. Ban team games after X time so no noise and even one refusal or complaint results in a full ban the next day. Another complaint is 2 days. And stick to it. No negotiation, no discussion. Just do it. Then stay silent. Let them 'hate' you as long as needed. They will get over it. And eventually, they'll tire before you do and start behaving.

P.s. there is always room for 2 screens in a bedroom that fits 2 kids. Are you making good use of the wall space e.g. drilling? Two smaller screens? Making use of TV brackets with 180° turn? Gaming laptops? Investigate clever furniture design like the 'dividing' pieces so one TV faces one way and the other back to back? All sorts of solutions are available but frankly: can they realistically play at the same time anyway? That would be so noisy.

Can't imagine ever buying any kid a playstation. At most, they'd get a few hours of access to games at the weekend. Far too addictive and robs them of an active childhood.

No gaming stuff, especially with an internet connection, should ever ever be in children’s bedrooms.

OP have you looked at parenting courses?

You knew this when you had more children so you must have had a plan?

ask chat gtp. Put photos of the rooms and dimensions and they can give you ideas of how to set up the flat to best meet everyone’s needs. Play corner for the younger kids/ study corner for older kids ect ect.

no.

Well you seemed to give the option of hanging around causing trouble outside as the only possible alternative to him sitting gaming

Presumably he has hobbies, groups he goes to, friends he sees who are good kids? Does he help around the house and do chores?

There’s some very judgemental responses on here!

of course you weren’t wrong to turn the WiFi off. Hopefully he’s learnt his lesson for next time.

Your DC need to be playing their games in the family room/lounge/living room (whatever you call it), on headphones where needed, and not have any TV in their bedroom.

My mother did that all the time, but a mess to her meant something like a sock you hadn’t noticed you had dropped lying on the floor, or if you had put something into the “wrong drawer”

She’d then go through every drawer, and everything else in my bedroom, and throw everything out of my window.

I came home from school/work many a time to find all my things scattered about the garden.

Mine would say you're ridiculous and the dog was her favorite. 😒

My mum used to cut to plug off our TV too! My sister and I had a volatile relationship so it happened quite a few times!

Dad wasn't always around so after a couple of times we learnt to rewire the the plug.