Is it weird that my younger brother is dating my wife’s younger sister?

[kfyuy]

Me and my wife are both in our mid40s and have been married for 18 years. We have 3 kids.

I have a younger brother (38) and younger sister (42). My wife has an older brother and sister, and a younger sister who is 38.

Anyway… my younger brother and my wife's younger sister have apparently been dating for a while. Both have children from previous marriages my brother has 2 kids and her sister has 3. All the children are under 10 and roughly similar ages.

I only found out yesterday at dinner, when my wife casually announced that they were a couple. They were both there too. Apparently they're quite serious and are planning to get married.

And yes, I realise everyone involved is a fully grown adult and they're not doing anything wrong. I genuinely want them to be happy.

But I can't help thinking… isn't this a bit weird?

My little brother potentially marrying my wife's little sister means our families are suddenly going to be even more intertwined. We'd effectively become in-laws twice over, and our kids would have their uncle married to their aunt.

Maybe I'm overthinking it, but finding out about it at a family dinner, and being seemingly the last person to know, has left me slightly bewildered!

You are overthinking it.

I have friends whose siblings also married and they have such a close knit family unit. It’s lovely.

I agree it is a bit weird

I can understand why you feel weird but, funnily enough, I’ve read of this sort of thing happening.

To make you feel a bit better, just imagine that you’re the head of various large European ancient dynasties and you’re ensuring that the lines and royal titles continue and you’re making strategic alliances to prevent warfare. Seems to work. .

I find it more weird that your wife didn’t mention it to you before casually dropping that information out there in a group setting

I think this has the potential to actually be very good. They already know what they are getting into in terms of inter/intra-family dynamics and so there is less likely to be the hinderance of new tension from unexpected new in-law situations as they already know their respective partner’s families.

Also, we are in part made by our upbringings; just as you and your wife may have shared values that relate to your upbringings, so too may your respective siblings. Another positive in terms of good foundations.

I do see that it can take time to get your head around this type of change, though, especially if it was unexpected.

It’s a bit odd that they all kept it from you. Did they think you would react badly?

When I was younger this used to be quite a common scenario. In fact not unusual to have double weddings where a pair of sisters married a pair of brothers

My Grandfather's brother married my Grandmother's sister. Best thing ever.

No more weird than a couple I knew, both of whose parents were divorced. When the parents met in the run up to thewedding, they essentially swapped places.
Husband's mum married wife's dad and husband's dad married wife's mum!

Thankfully they were all well beyond having second families age!

Yeah, I'd find that a bit weird too. I mean, you can rationalise it quite easily, but I don't think I'd be delighted if my DSis was marrying my DH's DB. It all just seems a bit incestuous somehow!

It doesn’t sound weird to me, they aren’t related, it happens - you’re overthinking it.
However, I would agree that being the last to know would upset me and perhaps that’s what’s really unsettling you.
There may be reasons why they’ve kept it quiet and genuinely didn’t want to upset you. Did your wife know earlier? Perhaps she can provide more insight.
I would gently let my sibling know that it would have been nice to have been kept in the loop - and then put it to bed. I wouldn’t personally make a bigger deal of it, you may not even need to know why, but just enough to let them know how it affected you.

I know a family where a woman’s brother married her husband’s sister and another family where the man’s brother married his wife’s sister. I know them because one couple of each family lives on the same street as my mum. Given there’s at least 2 families like that in a random street I’d have thought it’s not uncommon?

I don't think it's weird, clearly they have alot in common. What I do think is strange is that this has been hidden from you., while it's common knowledge to everyone else...why do you think that is?

My mum’s sister so my great aunt married her sisters husband brother

so both sisters married both brothers

Yes, it’s not wildly unusual, especially in times and places where people moved around less. I can think of three double brother-sister marriages in my own extended family circle/parents’ friends.

But what’s odd is that you didn’t know until things were very serious! Are you not close to your brother? Did they never attend family get togethers as a couple?

Like Sarah Beany.

If you think about it’s quite natural that they find things in common.

It's odd, but what's really odd is that you've only just been informed. They were obviously concerned as you would have known when they first started dating as opposed to when they are hearing wedding bells.

It is a bit odd that it’s been kept from you.

The only concern for me with that would be if it went wrong. My maternal cousin married my paternal cousin and their divorce was horrendous for my siblings and I as it was very nasty and both expected us to take sides that involved never attending events the other was at - which meant that expected us to cut off other family. It was hideous.

My ex-MIL’s sister was married to my ex-FIL’s brother. It’s not that unusual.

This happened all the time in history. Especially in the uppper classes. It's nothing new . Even in the village I grew up in loads of families were married into each other. It's when your brother and sister want to.marry each other that you need to start worrying.😂

I knew twins that married brothers and another set of sisters that married brothers.

All the marriages have been long lasting and everyone appears happy.

It’s surely not that strange that your brother is attracted to your SIL, given it’s probably for some of the same reasons that you love your wife.

Sounds like something for a Country song. The kind of place a colleague of mine described as having 'small family trees'!!

Being serious, no issue.

The weirdest bit is that they kept it from you - why? And how long have they been together?

It used to happen quite often after all the two families are thrown together a bit after the first marriage and it's not surprising relationships form. It's not weird