Is it weird that my younger brother is dating my wife’s younger sister?

[kfyuy]

Me and my wife are both in our mid40s and have been married for 18 years. We have 3 kids.

I have a younger brother (38) and younger sister (42). My wife has an older brother and sister, and a younger sister who is 38.

Anyway… my younger brother and my wife's younger sister have apparently been dating for a while. Both have children from previous marriages my brother has 2 kids and her sister has 3. All the children are under 10 and roughly similar ages.

I only found out yesterday at dinner, when my wife casually announced that they were a couple. They were both there too. Apparently they're quite serious and are planning to get married.

And yes, I realise everyone involved is a fully grown adult and they're not doing anything wrong. I genuinely want them to be happy.

But I can't help thinking… isn't this a bit weird?

My little brother potentially marrying my wife's little sister means our families are suddenly going to be even more intertwined. We'd effectively become in-laws twice over, and our kids would have their uncle married to their aunt.

Maybe I'm overthinking it, but finding out about it at a family dinner, and being seemingly the last person to know, has left me slightly bewildered!

It’s not weird at all. Unusual, but not weird or wrong

It's not that unusual.

I'd wonder why it was kept from you. Not that unusual but has the potential to be messy if it doesn't work out for some reason.

Sarah Beeneys brother is married to her husband Graham's sister. Their off spring are what is known as double cousins .

I got with my little sisters partners older brother me and my sisters partner the same age my sister 2 years younger and my partner 11 years older than me. We’ve both got two children each and I do find it weird but all I see it as is we are one big family and they’ve got the same uncle and aunties and grandparents. My little sister and her partner took a while to come around to it but they have now and I spend more time with them

I’d say the weird part is that no one told you. They’re talking about getting married so must have been together quite a while? Why did your wife not tell you sooner?

my grandmother married her brother in laws younger brother so same situation just minus the kids. it was great how close that made both families and my father’s cousins feel more like aunts and uncles then distant relatives

this actually

I don’t get why no one said anything before, that’s not great.

Ancient dynasties would marry their children into different families so as not to put all their eggs in one basket, so to speak.

It happens, OP. Don't overthink it.

I don't think it's weird, provided that your children and their children don't intermarry.

Nature of the relationship? A bit unusual but not so odd.

You not knowing and them about to be married? Yes. Very weird.

Unless you are the infuriating type of person who Doesn't Pay Attention and is hopeless at any type of family goss (Like my DH who can NEVER remember if so and so's new baby is a boy or a girl, or didn't realise that Aunty June left Uncle Bob last year and is now living with Aunty Sandra, or did not clock that cousin Peter is now cousin Petra.)

So, cast your mind back. Had you, in fact, been told before?
Do you pay attention?

I can understand why it feels a bit odd but obviously it is perfectly fine and understandable how it may happen.

I also understand not telling either of you until it was very definite, marriage definite. As you say, the families are now very intertwined and so a split could be problematic even if the couple are ok with it - it could potentially cause issues between you and your wife, as well as the children who are sort of cousins.

edited - just reread and I see your wife actually broke the news. Perhaps, as sisters the confide in each other more than you do with your brother? Also her sister may have sworn her to secrecy for the above reasons.

😆
Yes, this would be my DH - every day holds a new bit of very exciting information or gossip that is old news to everyone else.

My ex married my SILs sister. So what?

With all the posts about blended families and the "unfair" treatment of step children by extended family, that won't be an issue for yours when all children are blood relatives to either you or your wife @kfyuy.

It really isn't any of your business who your brother or wife's sister is dating though. Maybe they didn't want to tell anyone until they were sure.

Not a lot you can do but I think you can be a bit pissed off if your wife knew and didn't give you a heads up before it was announced in front of you and them.

It is a bit weird and enmeshed but not a lot you can do about it I'm afraid.

Really common in the past. I have an instance in my family tree of a brother and sister in one family marrying, respectively, a sister and brother in the other. When you think about it, it makes sense. The younger siblings end up spending time together and getting to know each other due to their elder siblings being married. And presumably both sets of siblings grew up with compatible values, if the elder two ended up together.

I don't really get how it's incestuous, as neither party in the 2 relationships is related to the person they are in a relationship with. Unless those saying it is are using it metaphorically?

2 siblings marrying 2 siblings.... There is absolutely nothing wrong with it, makes the families closer. A lot of families have this in the older generations where I'm from, Families met at weddings etc - No online dating sites etc

It’s not weird at all - I know of two brothers who are married to two sisters. Whats not to like? IMO…

I will give you one better. Brothers (only couple years difference) marrying twin sisters. One pair got together few years after the other later in adulthood

I don't think it's weird. My Gran's sister married my Grandad's brother and it was fine. The two couples got along well and spent a lot of time together. I think it's a non-issue 🤷‍♀️

well pissed off or self reflective? WHY didn't she tell him in private? did she worry how he's react?

Nothing weird or unique about it.

There's nothing especially weird about them being in a relationship. It could get a bit weird if at some point you or they cease to be in a husband/wife relationship but are still forced to be in a brother/sister-in-law relationship. Hopefully that won't happen, but if it does try extra hard to keep things amicable!