AIBU to avoid private physio for daughter because I fancy the guy?

[Patheticcrush]

My daughter has a health issue for which she has been receiving some physio. Unfortunately during that time I have developed quite a crush on the physical therapist. Thankfully, the free service came to an end which was a bit of a relief because I am married and so I believe is he. We said goodbye at the end of term and I went back to my life.

This happens to me from time to time, as I believe it does in many long-term relationships. I’ve never acted on any fleeting crush, love and fancy my husband, though we don’t have sex as much as we’d both like due to being really fucking tired.

Anyway I have some money set aside for private therapy for my daughter and he emailed me to say he was leaving the free health service and going freelance. He passed on his contact details.

I have not replied because I don’t want to be in the same room with him! It would feel like crossing a rubicon. But daughter would benefit from more physio and really liked him. I have to find someone else don’t I?

AIBU?

Crushes are absolutely normal in a marriage. I don't think your way of handling it is though? There is nothing from him to suggest he is being unprofessional. You should be able to do whatever is best for your daughter, including carrying on and putting your crush to one side.

Most people just enjoy them and it doesn't harm their marriage any.

Are you kidding? You would genuinely disrupt necessary medical treatment for your daughter for this?

Sit outside the room, get someone else to take her, or just suck it up.

I guess I felt a vibe was possibly developing and thought it was a good time for it to come to an end!

It’s not disrupted, it came to an end naturally, and I could find another physio very easily.

YABU. It’s hard for people to click with therapists. I can’t believe you want to find another one because you can’t control yourself.

Just find a new physio and engage them for your daughter.

Drama over nothing.

If you can easily find a new physio then what’s the issue? I highly doubt he fancies you as otherwise he wouldn’t have contacted you. He’s a health professional and has a job to do, he wouldn’t risk professional misconduct over a mum taking a liking to him - your daughter is in the room for goodness sake!!

It's a physiotherapist - not a psychotherapy issue.

Have you considered not thinking with your fanny for 5 seconds?

😂😂😂.

You’re probably right

There was a vibe, but I agree, I doubt anything would happen.

Seems to me if you can find another practitioner easily enough you did the sensible thing.

I do find it difficult to understand why, when your contact with this man was supposedly all about your DD and benefiting her why you were even thinking about fancying the guy. But then for me crushes are what teenagers have and not what people in supposedly committed relationships and marriages have. I just don't understand the often expressed view on MN that crushes on people outside your relationship when you are an adult are somehow normal.

You say you can easily find a new physio so just do that. You’re married, seem to want to continue your marriage, your daughter needs medical treatment so grow up. Some people are attractive to us even when we are in serious relationships. It’s just looks though and you don’t let it go anywhere if you’re a decent person and respect your partner. A vibe…🙄, seriously grow up. If you want to act like a single woman, end your relationship.

I don’t want to ruin your confidence OP but it’s a very standard for a therapist to send out his new details to patients so I wouldn’t read too much into this especially if your daughter’s issue was ongoing rather than one off.
Look at it honestly - does your DD need therapy or not? Can you get it on NHS? Was he the best therapist she ever had ? If the answers are : yes, no, yes - calm down and make an appointment with him.
If the answers are different - just focus on getting an NHS appointment. It’s usually quite exhausting process which kills all fun vibes in a person.

Find a new physio much easier in the long run.

What do you mean you doubt, you’re not a passenger in your life. You have a say, it reads like whay you mean is it’s unlikely he’d make a pass. As if he does you’d jump at the chance.

ifyou need to put your fantasies first then yes find another therapist for your poor daughter,

You ‘doubt’ anything would happen? Shouldn’t that be you know for a fact nothing would happen because you are married?
If your DD needs physio you’d be selfish to not take her to him for this reason

Sometimes vibes happen! I don’t think it’s a question of immaturity, it just happens sometimes. I’m sure there are other people on this thread who know what I’m talking about!

Fair enough. I think the generally held view, among relationship therapists and experts, is that they are pretty normal.

No I think you’re just reading into what I said! Obviously I would never cheat. Never have, never will.

However, I’d rather not fall in love and prolonged contact would risk that more than no contact. Does that make sense?

It’s normal but you know it’s better not to continue to be around this man as it sounds like you might be tempted?!

I'm not sure what I'm voting for so I haven't voted but FWIW I think you're doing the right thing by avoiding him and finding another physio. Most physios are lovely and your daughter will click with another one I'm sure.

I once went for a job interview and felt an immediate massive attraction to the potential manager. It was just a voluntary position, possibly leading to work or career change, but I decided to leave it as it just wasn't worth risking my marriage. I have no idea if he felt that way but it was just very weird and very strong so I'm glad I got out of it.

Really? To me they are normal for teenagers but I fail to understand how they are normal in an adult relationship unless there is something wrong with the relationship. Otherwise why look outside the relationship?

No, I would never cheat, but sometimes two people with a vibe over a prolonged period of time might develop feelings for each other that are deeper, and it seemed sensible for me to not risk that happening. However, most people so far seem to think I should just book more sessions and suck it up.

It’s funny how mumsnet surprises you, I feel like if I were a woman posting about her husband fancying a female physio they’d be instructing her to make him stop seeing her altogether!

Your daughter has found someone with whom she is comfortable. The choice of who she continues to see for physio should be hers to make.