AIBU to avoid private physio for daughter because I fancy the guy?

[Patheticcrush]

My daughter has a health issue for which she has been receiving some physio. Unfortunately during that time I have developed quite a crush on the physical therapist. Thankfully, the free service came to an end which was a bit of a relief because I am married and so I believe is he. We said goodbye at the end of term and I went back to my life.

This happens to me from time to time, as I believe it does in many long-term relationships. I’ve never acted on any fleeting crush, love and fancy my husband, though we don’t have sex as much as we’d both like due to being really fucking tired.

Anyway I have some money set aside for private therapy for my daughter and he emailed me to say he was leaving the free health service and going freelance. He passed on his contact details.

I have not replied because I don’t want to be in the same room with him! It would feel like crossing a rubicon. But daughter would benefit from more physio and really liked him. I have to find someone else don’t I?

AIBU?

Thank you for completely getting it.

You need to read some Esther Perel. It is so completely normal, I promise you I’m not lying and it doesn’t mean your marriage isn’t happy.

What if you develop a crush on the next one?

Go for whoever is best for your daughter.

Mature people don’t react how you are though and say they don’t ‘think’ anything would happen. Nothing would happen if you’re mature about it because you’re married and apparently want to be. Even posting it on here because you want to talk about ‘vibes’ is immature and attention seeking. Tell your husband how you’re feeling, that’ll kill those vibes pretty quickly. You’re in a dream world, acting like a teen when you’re married with a child needing medical care. Normal people who had any sort of attraction to someone else would just ignore it if they’re married and want to stay married, not want to talk about it and seem excited about it like a teenager. You’re not single, your kid needs treatment. Grow up.

Don't be daft. Put her health first, book the sessions and be like any other random parent taking their kid to treatment.

After reading this my initial thought was "we need to advocate better for contraception!"

This. As someone who sees a physiotherapist twice weekly, finding one I trust with my health and treatment is so important. It is also pretty rare. You're unreasonable.

Put your daughter first and book him

Physios vary widely in their approaches, interests, how they click with you. It's absolutely the same.

Jesus. That’s horrible. Do you feel proud of yourself?

I don’t see how I’m acting like a teenager by doing what seemed to me to be the responsible thing, which is to cut any potential attraction short before it is given the chance to develop further. Any man who did this would be lauded by mumsnet, but for some reason I am “immature”. I don’t know what word to use other than “vibes”. A “frisson”? A “charge”? What would be your mature way of describing this feeling which can happen between two people?

If he was a good physio for your daughter, book him and your husband does his share of parental responsibility and takes his child to the appointments @Patheticcrush.

I feel like you're trying to inject a little excitement and romance into your life by making this into some sort of dramatic decision, like you can't trust yourself to be in the same room with this man because of The Passion Between You (aka 'a vibe'). It's a bit cringe-inducing, tbh. Crushes or attractions are common, but most people either ignore them with ease or aren't bothered about fidelity and act on them. If you can't trust yourself around him or feel you're being disloyal to your husband by sitting there lusting after the physio, yes, I think it's best to find someone else. If you are certain you won't give in to temptation, it doesn't seem like a big deal one way or the other, unless you can't find someone else who's as good for your daughter.

Can you not control yourself and put your daughter first?

I assure you, I neither need the romance or the excitement. What I don’t want is the inconvenience of possibly developing deeper feelings.

There was one poster in this thread who got it, but I feel like everyone else is in a different universe where either they just bury their feelings like it’s no biggie or they think I’m an immature lunatic for having a crush in the first place.

You're only crossing the Rubicon if you cross the boundary of acting on your crush, rather than engaging with him about the best way to help your daughter. It's fine to find someone attractive, just so long as you know it's going nowhere.

I’ve had crushes on physios, it’s their job to be nude and empathetic. Their nature draws you in.

You think a lot of yourself to think it’s reciprocated!

Just take your daughter to the physio and avoid eye contact.

Thank you for your non-judgmental response, I appreciate it and think you are probably right. I am probably overthinking it a fair bit due to being so sleep deprived and exhausted because of my other circs.

I’m not sure it’s their job to be nude 😂

Your daughter's comfort should be your priority, she's happy with him. Moving her to another one just because your fanny is throbbing is selfish. Drop her off and sit outside. Imagine how your husband would be feeling if he knew what you were saying, have some respect for your husband.

I don’t think you need to be so vulgar in your language, Jesus! I thought I was being respectful of him by engaging another physio. Also I can’t sit outside for safeguarding reasons.

Fall in love? With someone you see for what, an hour a week? In the presence of your daughter?

You’ve lost your mind!

Crushes are normal, and as you’re not the one having the physio changing provider seems extreme and a bit unfair really as it could potentially lead to a stall in your daughters progress.

My husband fancies our daughters physio, apparently he just admires how competent she is, ha, yeah right. Its often handy, as if I’m busy he’ll jump at the chance to do the physio slot.

I’ve had crushes on physios, it’s their job to be nude and empathetic.

PTs wear scrubs here. Now I've heard it all. Nude and empathetic, 🤣

Sit with her then! 🙄