DD9 doesn’t like any physical activity

[plaicematt]

AIBU to keep signing her up for things?

Hobbies-wise she’s in choir, Brownies and currently tutoring for 11+ next year. She does swimming but just for the skill rather than exercise if you see what I mean. She doesn’t like any other sport/exercise that we’ve tried.

Over the years she’s done a term here and there of football, cricket, gymnastics and a couple of types of dance but not enjoyed any of them. She has never wanted to learn to ride a bike or scooter. I have two other DC who love all types of sport and can’t sit still so I’m not sure what to do.

She’s got some puppy fat - not sure if this is normal puberty or if due to her low levels of exercise. This puts her just into the overweight band for BMI for her age. She’s tall so she carries it well. I almost can’t believe I’m talking about a 9yo’s weight.

So, AIBU to keep signing her up for sports and getting her moving when she clearly doesn’t want to? And any advice?

Ive posted on another thread, my son was similar, he was really chubby, had to be dragged out to walk or go anywhere. He hated sports. The rest of the family is slim and sporty including me and dh. He loved eating, probably was his favourate thing to do!

We did keep him going with one sport but he really had to be encouraged. Sometimes there were arguments about going.

He then became really good at that sport and he started to really love it. Puberty has hit and he has also grown and become tall, slim and muscular. He has now also independantly taken up two other highly active sports. He loves his new physique and has just started to get into nutrition.

It sounds like you are encouraging her and being good role models - I dont think there is much more you can do?

Ah that's difficult. What is her view on the things you have tried? Would she like to try anything else?

Is there something you can do together? Often it helps if it is modelled. Do you do physical activity – junior Parkrun is good and an adult can join their child. You can just walk it and plenty do. Or the grown-up one which is 5k. Again walkers welcome. Or start doing daily yoga with her. That's not aerobic exercise I know but it's not easy!

I agree with PPs who say walking is great – it needs to be unavoidable though so walk to school, to brownies, to the shops, to friends. Make it a habit to walk rather than using the car.

Keep an eye on her food as well – not in a way that lets her know at all but simply make sure she has access to fruit and veg as snacks and is served reasonable portions. That's in your control ATM and it won't always be.

Sounds like you’re trying and you’re modelling good exercise yourself. Some kids just aren’t sporty. I have one active and one more into gaming and art. We just have to be creative about making sure they get enough exercise. Sometimes it’s going swimming, walking or going for a kick around or frisbee at the park which is just fun and not a sport. We also have a trampoline in the garden and over the summer have brought a few new garden games. They move a lot so I’m not worried and eat well.

I wouldn’t push it too much as she’ll associate it with feeling bad. Maybe once in secondary school and more options there she may find something she enjoys.

Sounds like my ds13 when he was that age and me all my childhood

I have given up trying to get ds13 into organised sport but I did bribe him to do couch to 5k and he does now sometimes run a parkrun with me. But that is occasional, not regular. He will also go out with dh sometimes on his nightly walks, as they talk about geeky stuff he’s interested in

I think organised/competitive sport is something some people just don’t get

I worry about ds and this all the time and don’t know what the answer is, for now he’s pretty slim but I think that’s just luck.

there is hope though, after an exceptionally sedentary childhood for me I got really into sport and fitness in my early 20s of my own volition and have been pretty fit ever since

No snacks. No ready meals. No processed foods.
More walk. More outdoor play.
Worked for children of the 50s. No overweight children then.

I've probably spoken a bit imprecisely here - what I mean is, for people trying to fit exercise into their lives, walking is the most achievable and effective means of doing so, and it's perfectly possible to achieve a high level of fitness from walking only. It is a great calorie burner, it's low impact, and it slots in around the rest of your life, so for many people, it's the best form of routine exercise.

I'm very fit from walking only - 40 minutes each weekday day from walking to and from the station and a couple of long walks a month for fun. It's virtually the only exercise I do apart from an occasional swim and I have a really good level of fitness.

Of course you absolutely can and will get very fit from frequent high intensity workouts or weight lifting if those are things you enjoy or make time for, but for someone like OP's daughter who doesn't want to play sport or exercise for fun, she can definitely meet her exercise requirements from walking if it gets built into her daily routine.

Here are some sources about the benefits of walking for exercise:

https://www.vogue.co.uk/article/brisk-walking-benefits

https://bjsm.bmj.com/content/52/12/769

nutritionsource.hsph.harvard.edu/walking/

You do understand the 50s was over 70 years ago, and indeed you did get "fat children" i recently saw a family wedding picture where my aunts were between 6 and 12 and the older ones were indeed a bit plump.

What about active play? Park, soft play, rock climbing etc? Geocaching?

swimming is great exercise if she likes that you could go second session. Or would she work out in the garage with you?

Does she walk to school?

I do use some processed foods like baked beans, tinned tomatoes and shop-bought biscuits but I don’t think I’m doing too badly on the food front.

I have hated sport my entire life. I can’t stand anything about it! Competitive team sports are the worst, and as for forced sports day at school - absolutely horrific. As an adult I have discovered the joy of walking and hiking.

As others have said, stop trying to make her do sport. Other hobbies and activities exist!

Ha ha ha! My dad is one of 6, they all grew up in the 50s and 60s. I can assure you fat kids existed then - we have family photo albums to prove it!

We do walk where we can. Unfortunately can’t do walking school run each day due to my needing car to travel on TK work but we walk to shops, Brownies, tutoring etc as well as school run on my NWD.

I’m not a huge Parkrun fan due to their stance on men in the women’s category but there is a local kids’ running club she might like.

She does play out on our street with a lovely gang of kids but given she doesn’t have a bike or scooter she most often will do pavement chalks or just chat.

I wouldn’t force her into team sport if she hates it. I was a very non sporty child too but I enjoy things like dance/aerobics, Pilates, going for a walk.
Physical activity is important so I’d find something she does enjoy- dance, climbing, martial arts, horse riding? Even just going for a walk together regularly. Also keep up with the swimming.

She doesn’t need to like sport. She should be active and walking places and running around the park with her friends though. It doesn’t sound like you’re too badly there. However, puppy fat is a bit of a myth, height can be misleading because overweight children grow taller faster so if she’s overweight it’ll likely be because of what she’s eating (particularly portion size if you don’t have junk in the house) more than it is her activity level.

She needs to keep up the swimming. It’s fantastic exercise and I would also insist she learns to ride a bike. The others I would just drop.

I would try and focus more on bike and scooter as she will start to feel left out with friends soon once they can go off to play on their bikes/scooters and she can't. Did she have them when she was younger?

I hated any sort of sport at school, I was very short sighted, petite with absolutely no coordination whatsoever. Never could hit a ball or throw one. And I can’t swim or ride a bike.

I was happiest with a book, or some crafting materials, my Nan taught me to cut a pattern and sew so I made a lot of my own clothes.

However, having spent most of my life avoiding exercise, at the grand age of 58 I discovered I quite like running. Putting in my headphones and heading out for a 5k run makes me happy.

Offer your DD the opportunity to take part in exercise but don’t force her otherwise you run the risk of putting her off completely.

Why doesn't she like scooting/cycling not a criticism just curious, one of mine couldn't ride a bike but loved to scoot and roller skate.

I was like that at her age. I hated all physical activity with a passion, I was also absolutely rubbish at all sport.

I learned to love swimming as I got older. I was still rubbish at it but I enjoyed it.

I think the problem is that children are expected to be really good at these activities. It's hard to enjoy it if you are always last in the running race or never get picked for the team in hockey so you give up. I liked ballet but couldn't do it very well, there was no element of just enjoying it for the love of doing it rather than the skill.

Has she tried taekwondo or another martial art? DS12 did it from 4 up until about 6 months ago and we framed it more around learning defensive skills, being able to stand up for himself etc rather than purely for exercise. could you tie it in with her walking to school by herself soon so you want her to be more aware and able to deal with situations if needed?

DS was very similar in that we’d tried football, swimming, gymnastics, cricket but he just didn’t really gel with them after a while.

I think taekwondo not being a team sport helped as he could go at his own pace doing classes once a week, practicing at home to keep up, and gradings every few months.

As she's nine, she could now move from swimming lessons to swimming club. Ours starts with one hour a week, then after a few weeks it becomes 2 hours a week when technique improves. Then it's 4-6 hours a week. You could present it as a natural progression from lessons so she might object less? I'm amazed what it has gone got my daughter's health, fitness and confidence.

Does it hurt? Do her shoes fit (comfortably, not in a "you haven't replaced them/outgrown"...so a sensory/mechanics/she has really highbarches and needs an insert kind of thing).
Is she hypermobile?

Have you tried something like pokemon. Geocaching (does this still exist?) Orienteering? So something to use her brain as well as her body?

Is it the team/group thing she doesn't like..so something solo?

Hate to add expense, but does she like animals...horseriding?

Another one who was small and short sighted (but not diagnosed until secondary school) and loathed all sport and exercise as a kid. Reluctantly learned to swim and ride a bike and did ballet despite being moved down a class every year because my mum wouldn't put me in for the exams.

My kids aren't super sporty but my daughter who is a similar age will ask to go swimming and go on bike rides. I just keep suggesting activities and doing them with them as well.

I will caveat this by saying i am likely autistic, but its not just people with autism who can struggle with the stuff im about to list!

I as a kid also really struggled with physical activity. And I struggled with different things for different reasons at different times in my childhood.

Any kind of competitive team sport:
Used to enjoy as a kid, but just became too self conscious and shy and i've never had that competitive streak to tide me over. I think it was a combination of worrying about looking stupid, letting the rest of the team down by being crap, and being 'on display' and everyone looking at me generally.

Swimming:
Loved the actual swimming, but hated the transition between warm water at the pool and then getting out and being cold, feeling damp in clothes, having to change in a cubicle with damp gross floors.

Anything high energy/impact:
Going from 0 - 100 just doesnt feel good for me, even with a warmup!

As an adult, I love weightlifting! Its quiet, noone pays attention to me and its a slow burn.- its perfect.

What im saying is, maybe try and figure out a bit more of what it is she isnt enjoying - doing it around other people? Her own skill level? Not arsed about competition? Hate all the kit and faff? Not interested in things with 'rules'? Etc?

But agree with others, physical activity either alone or alongside rather than a shared team sports seems to be a good place to lean towards.

I hated all sports and PE related stuff as a kid. I was a typical specky nerd. As I got older, I found I liked roller skating and ice skating and I still love those. LOVE putting people to shame when the ice rink is out at Christmas at the city centre. I also go to the gym a lot, which I really enjoy.

Just because she doesn’t like sports doesn’t mean she won’t exercise. Maybe try some of these (second hand pair of roller skates are pretty cheap, so start with that). Obviously she’s too young for the gym but in our house DH has a pull up bar and we have some weights which our kids occasionally use (supervised by me or their dad). Once they’re old enough we will take them to the gym, but for now it’s just a low pressure way to introduce them to it.