Parents selling car to my DS

[marvelousmarmaladian]

Trying to work out if IABU to think my parents should sell their car to my DS. He needs a car, they have a car. Both are unable to drive. It is basically rusting away at my sisters house. My DS made an offer. My sister tells me they are thinking about it. Which is weird as my DM doesn't know where she is and DF can't talk properly. What would you do?

I would tell DS to take his business elsewhere.
Suggest to your sister that her DP needs to buy the car off your parents and tax and insure* it himself (sounds like you're abroad so whatever applies) rather than treat it as a resource of convenience.

Yes but you will tailor all your thoughts because what you want to do is in your best interest no one else so you will come up with lots of reasons why you think you should benefit

The poa is for what is best for them not you

Thanks for all replies. I'm going to tell my DS to buy a different car. It's all too hard. And air con is not a first world problem where I live. It's essential.

I doubt an 8 year old car is rusting. Why doesn’t your son just buy a car from somewhere else? I couldn’t be bothered with the hassle or any fingers pointing about taking advantage.

Bugger the car. If your parents are in the state you describe, you need to get the poa activated.

This
Plus the OP sister might just be getting the vehicle valued to ensure a fair price, hence the delay.

Why let a car stand around rusting, unused? Your son shouldn't even have to buy it - he should simply use it, and of course take responsbility for its insurance,MOT, upkeep and so on. I cannot really fathom what it must be like living in family where someone has a car but cannot drive, and yet would rather let it sit in a garage depreciating than let a close relative who can drive and needs a car use it.

If air con is an essential where you live, why does your son want that car if the air con doesn’t work?

I can only assume that he doesn’t want to pay much for it. If he were going to pay a fair market value for it, this wouldn’t be bothering any of you at all as he could just go out and buy another car instead. What does it matter to you if it’s sitting unused? If your parents were struggling financially, and had a car sitting unused, then there would be an argument for suggesting they sell the car (for the best price they can get). It doesn’t sound like this is the case.

Selling things to family is always tricky because someone else may always say “but I wanted that too”. Or if anyone thinks that he got it for cheaper than it was worth, they might feel it’s essentially like they were given a cash gift.

I also agree with all the comments that say if your parents don’t have the capacity to make these sort of decisions, it’s unfair to ask them. Out of curiosity, how much did he offer?

You should do nothing. DS can find another car, especially as he's willing to pay a fair price for one. If he isn't, thats a different matter altogether.

Seems you're not in the UK. Lots of talk of POA here but I hope it applies in the same way wherever you are?

The most important matter is ensuring that your parents have at least one attorney to act for them honestly and compassionately. LPA is a big responsibility. If you and your sister share it, you need to work together properly and not use LPA as a way of scoring points off each other.

If your Dad doesn't want to sell it because he is under belief he might be able to drive again leave him with hope albeit forlorn. Tell your DS to look for another car. There are loads on Autotrader.

She thinks its unfair to her children if he BUYS the car? Cool let him buy another car and it can rot

Sometimes lessons can only be learned through time

There’s your answer then. It’s a no.

If your DS lives close by, could he offer to pay for the insurance and upkeep etc of and use it just on weekends or just on weekdays and the rest of the time park it there.

It will do the car good keeping it running, will be cheaper for DS and DF can keep his car.

I don’t think you’re unreasonable for wondering why they’re hesitating, particularly if the car is just sitting there deteriorating and your DS has made a genuine offer. But ultimately it’s their car and they’re entitled to take their time or decide they don’t want to sell it to him. If your DM isn’t really able to understand what’s happening and your DF can’t communicate properly, I’d be more concerned about whether they have the capacity to make the decision themselves and who has authority to deal with their affairs. I’d probably leave the offer on the table and let your sister sort it with them rather than getting caught up in a family argument over the car.

If the offer is reasonable, and it is easy enough to get the market value of a second hand car, and the money is safely transferred into the parents bank account then I don’t see the problem. Rusty old cars parked on an elderly persons driveway are a magnet for scummy people who will knock at the door and scope the place out or offer “services” to the homeowner.

However, reading your posts there seems to be long term simmering resentment and sniping between you and your sister, and the car is one issue among many. You both need to remember that a POA is a legal agreement designed to protect your parents best interests, not a means for you and your sister to take pot shots at each other.

It’s not fair but then again life isn’t fair. Forget the car - I can see no way around this unless you can persuade your sister.

We had this with parents in law convinced they were getting their licenses back one with advanced dementia and one with a serious heart condition/ risk of seizure. We wrote down the value of the car if sold and costs of insurance, tax, maintenance was costing versus a taxi account. It made absolutely no sense at all to keep it.

they ignored us completely. And it sat on their drive unused. It ended up being gifted to one of the grandchildren ( my niece) with all our consent and love after they died. I feel for you op. It’s a terrible time generally this stage of old age.

That seems counterproductive. If they do not have capacity who is running things day to day? As long as ds is offering a market price don’t see the issue.

It sounds like she chose to live close to them and has also been much more involved with them, even if you both have POA. GPs choosing to help out with grandchildren is often something many deeply enjoy, so I think it's disingenuous to state she's 'taking' from them. What they chose to do in sound mind is very different to what they can't decide for themselves now.

That’s worse!

Buy the car for market price or don’t, “borrowing” is taking advantage.

The way that you talk about your parents sounds quite cold and lacking in empathy.

Are they getting care? Sounds like they need it. Who is sorting out things like that for them?

if they are unable to consent and no one has an LPA then its theft.

I havent read the full thread. Who says they dont have capacity, the first page of posters have jumped in saying they dont have capacity?

What do you mean by 'she doesnt know where she is' about your mother - do you mean she is living delusionally? Who has assessed that?

Father not being able to speak doesnt mean he doesnt have capacity, neither does them not being able to communicate in the 'normal' way.