to ask if you consider this a real 'date' and he's flaking?

[AmberCatz]

I wasn't sure whether to post on my original thread or not, but the algorithm didn't seem to pick up my update!

I went on a date last weekend, after being hotly pursued by this guy. It lasted 10 hours! Major chemistry, laughs, and physical flirtation though no kiss yet. As soon as he got home he messaged to ask me to go a show next week (three different dates we can go, tbc).

In the meantime, I thought I'd love to see him before then and want to show interest as he's done for me. Therefore I asked him to meet for lunch or dinner when we're working in the same area tomorrow. He replied 'oh yes definitely! I should be around' - so then as I know his work schedule is gruelling currently compared to mine I said well I'm quite flexible so just give me an idea of what time suits'. This was two days ago, he hasn't responded. He did watch my stories on Instagram this morning.

Am I right in thinking he's just not as interested as he appeared to be on date one? I don't really think I should chase this up. It's sort of an interim date to our next date, but it still counts surely.

Are you lunching now OP?

The way she is going on. She sounds clingy and you know it. You need to grow up

We met. He messaged at noon, asking if I'd like to get a coffee in the sunshine. Turns out he wasn't working that day after all, but had the day off. So he came to meet me where I was. We were together a couple of hours; drank coffee; enjoyed the sun and explored a few places together. Then went our separate ways. I did still feel that chemistry - when he first arrived I felt those butterflies again.

But! I don't think this is a goer romantically. Here's why: when I broached booking the show, he made excuses about his work schedule. He went on about it and apologising with how hard it was right now for a while, at which point I was like well it's fine, but it's you that suggested this. He then didn't suggest doing something else in his place. So I didn't either.

Also he said he doesn't read which put me off a bit 😂as a writer.

Things I did like: he was still very attentive. I don't think I've met a man that asks better or more decent questions than this guy apart from my best guy friend. He was very excited for me re positive work news this week. He seems like a kind friend from his stories - but he did seem to have quite a few female friends. He gave me a nice tight hug at the end and said it was lovely to see me again. But no kiss! So, no.

Weird thing happened before we hugged goodbye, his bloody ex walked past us in the street! He apologised as it threw him off a minute. Strange.

One thing I didn't mention before is we met through mutual friends. I don't see any need to drop him for this reason. I feel some disappointment here, but I'm ok.

Thanks for the update.

It sounds like you handled it perfectly and gracefully and now you can move on with things, and "know where you stand".

(and if you hadn't reached out, you'd still be waiting in hope for him to plan the show... So you know he's a cool new friend to hang out, but a bit of a flake who doesn't really keep you updated!).

It sounds like meeting this guy has got you back into dating mode.

Perhaps you can open up to more dating as you know you can emotionally handle the situations.

Well done you, you handled it perfectly. It sounds like it has the makings of a good friendship, even if not romantic. Dating is hard but also fun and exciting, try to relax and enjoy yourself, you’ll find your one soon x

I think he's probably dating other women & he's winging it & hedging his bets a bit. You did really well OP, onwards and upwards. Wouldn't be surprised if you hear from him again though asking for a date!

Any other oldies like me who are grateful they’re no longer into all this current dating malarkey? It sounds bloody exhausting. All the rules and flags and social media stuff. Hope it works out for you OP.

Reminds me when one of my adult DDs told me that her and her current boyfriend were now “official.” I replied saying something like “I should bloody well hope so, you’ve been living with him for a year!”

Perhaps he just only now found out how much theatre tickets cost these days! 😆
I bet he's around for a walk or a Netflix and chill soon OP.

I'm 42 and single, gave up years ago and generally content. Honestly, fuck that shit

Dating should not feel like this. Next….

he did mention the cost actually! He's not used to theatre but wanted to try something new I like and work in.

he did start waffling again about it as we said goodbye - 'i'll think again and see about that show, let you know...' - I was like no, it's ok let's leave it. Maybe not great from me but I'd had enough of the waffling. I'm sure he'll be in touch about something else soon. Maybe not quite Netflix and chill, but something else 😂

Maybe he's dating, but when he openly told me about his week it didn't include dates! Doesn't mean obv. Tomorrow he's going to stay with his family for a week and I'm on holiday, so I suppose we'll see. I feel strangely ok though, compared to my panicking last tonight!

@BlankettedRugs yes, I feel like this has been a great dipping my toe back into dating! And honestly, he's a bit flaky but I still think he's got lots going for him. So I don't feel like I'm picking terrible humans - and thankfully I feel like I am keeping my eyes open for red flags this time.

I also have a feeling we're both maybe not 100% over previous relationships. Him seeing his ex on the street/his reaction plus he mentioned he moved to our city 'for love' and that didn't work out. I'd be lying if I said if I was over my ex completely. I want to date more soon but it does worry me a bit.

I think the fact we both met twice within the week counts for something. I agree it could be the start of a genuine friendship too @crazymommaclub - I'm so relaxed and content with him which is weird for someone I just met! It's nice.