To think you cant make or teach a man, to be an actual "man"

[Iwantanactualman]

Exactly the title really, long time user NC for this.

OH has never been particularly into "man" stuff i.e., can't do DIY etc which has always been fine I quite like doing those things. He very much likes to portray himself as the "man", but after 12 years and 5 kids I just think eughhhh I'm sick of it. He's just watched me empty 3 bins tie them up and take them out. I think I've got the ick. Is there a 12 year itch? 😬

Sounds like he's just being bone idle

You picked him, you had five kids with him. Emptying the bins isn't particularly a man's job. Lots of people aren't good at DIY nowadays.

He might give you the ick but being more "manly" probably wouldn't change that.

Change your title to "I have a lazy husband" to make it clearer what the problem actually is.

This is just him being lazy and taking you for granted, nothing to do with him being an “actual man”. Doing the bins isn’t a male only job.

I think if a man posted you can’t teach a woman to be a woman, there would be an outcry

I think you need a decent dad, granddad and or uncle's to teach a boy how to be a man.
It’s the kind of thing that requires role models.

I do all of that ‘man stuff’, does that mean I’m a man?

Anyway, you have a lazy partner.

Surely there is more to being a man than taking the bins out? Do you really have the ick because you had to take the bins out?

What and emptying the bins is a man’s job? What is this the 50s?

“Can you sort bin no. 3 please?”

There’s no real reason why a man should be any better at DIY than a woman in this day and age. It’s no longer the case that boys do metalwork and woodwork while girls do home economics and needlework?

Emptying bins isn’t a man’s job. It just sounds like you’ve got a lazy fucker.

Those manly wheelie bins.

What is an 'actual man'?

Are you an 'actual woman'?

Why didn’t you say, can you take the bins out, why the martyr act?

Sounds like a typical man to me! All talk and wants the credit, none of the hard work...

Yes, the older i get, the more i want Prince Charming to whisk me away....

Seriously, make him contribute something. Bins, anything!

Agreed. Can you imagine if a man was on here saying, "my wife has just watched me change the baby's nappy and cook the dinner. She's giving me the ick."

I can't imagine we would all be telling him that she's lazy.

Yes and saying you can’t teach a woman to be a woman as he had to wash the dishes,

I do the bins.

You must have liked him enough to have 5 children with him, was that despite him not doing the bins?

@Iwantanactualman Do you both work? Or is going out to work a 'man's role'?
Why are you incapable or taking a bin out?

I don't think that's the issue exactly. Sounds like he's a lazy arse and needs to get up in his feet and do something!

That's why nagging was invented, sadly.

@AnneLovesGilbert Please be careful - you may break a nail. And emasculate your husband at the same time.
My DH is currently in the kitchen making lunches for both myself and our daughter. He's even made the sandwiches heart-shaped! Need I be worried?

No. All we know is that he doesn't like doing DIY and didn't take the bins out the other day. We have no idea what else he does or doesn't do. I don't do DIY or take the bins out but I do loads of other stuff.

🤣 I think it should be fairly obvious that this isn't just about the bins. I'm well aware he's lazy. It's the huge contrast with the persona he trys to portray that bothers me most. I don't need mumsnetters to tell me it's OK to leave I think that's where this is going naturally anyway.

I was just musing and wondering if it's taught, learned or natural thing, maybe a combination? I teach my boys to open doors, walk on the outside of a pavement etc ...

@Iwantanactualman What would you teach a daughter?

What does he do?