Dealing with people who cut you off after a few syllables

[sourglitterfrog]

I'm not sure how to categorise this (it's a general question) so I went for AIBU. Feel free to advise if this should be changed to a different board.
Anyway, I'm sick and tired to death of people talking over me before I can get a full sentence out. I'm a pretty succinct person conversationally, but that didn't help just this week when
a) I rang my child's school on Monday to let them know that he had been to A&E on Sunday for a minor injury, and she was cutting me off before I could finish a sentence to give her context and what his needs were before he attended school. She is super bubbly and wanted to convey how upsetting it all was, and was finishing my sentences for me and I had to correct her. Lovely woman, but I just wanted to get the info across. I had to match her energy and talk over her to get her to shurrup lol.
b) I started volunteering at a kids group. We were chatting while the kids were having a snack and they both pounced on me to fill in the blanks of something I was trying to suggest, and weren't correct. I couldn't be bothered arguing, do I inspire these manners?
My own mum has done this to me my whole life. I've started saying 'I wasn't finished,' and it's made a slight difference, but I don't want to be adversarial to people I barely know.
Anyway, does anyone have any insight to this behaviour

Just to clarify for b) It was between me and the fellow volunteers. I was trying to suggest an activity or the next week and they wouldn't let me finish the thought. There was no room to get my words into the ether.

I know a couple of people who do that. I just interrupt their interruption with a firm NO and carry on until I get to the end of my sentence.

You have to get tough. With people on phone just say ' if I could just finish my point' and then talk over the top of them until they shut up. And face to face say something similar. Or just dont mix with people who dont listen to other people. They just have bad manners and poor communication skills and are therefore probably terrible company anyway.

I think this is a bit person specific (I.e. it isn’t you that invites it, these specific people will be doing it to everyone you’ve just been unfortunate to meet a high density in the last few days), but seems to have got more common.

I did this (and I was very proud of myself) to my ASN son's key teacher a few months ago. I said 'Lesley, it would be useful for both of us if you would just let me get a full thought out' and fair enough, the conversation was normal and productive after that. But after that call, she hasn't rang me up to update me, I've had no contact with her and the headmistress has taken it upon herself to call me directly. I hope that Lesley didn't think I was aggressive to the point where the school have to deal with me from the 'top.'

I feel like people are machine gunning each other these days, and not taking the time to comprehend what people are actually saying.

A tip i picked up recently is to not respond immediately. To pause before you reply. So if they have talked over you, when they have finished and expect you to talk just pause slightly so its noticeable. Then speak. If they do it again. Stop pause longer.

The theory is that humans almost continually mirror behaviour and you waiting indicates that you are happy for the other person to finish. They should then mirror that behaviour.

It also makes it look like you have thought deeply about what you are going to say and that it is important

My husband irritates me by asking me helpful or clarifying questions before I have finished saying what I need to say—since I am a careful thinker and practiced speaker its because I have chosen the order if my presentation for good reason. He, however, is trying to show he is actively listening. It still bothers me, like someone heckling a standup routine, but in his case he means well.

Despite the fact that it drives me crazy I am an inveterate finisher if other people’s sentences. I, too, mean well. Alas its an ingrained habit. I can’t bear the long pauses or the lengthy flow of some people when the point is obvious.

Lesley, it would be useful for both of us if you would just let me get a full thought out' and fair enough, the conversation was normal and productive after that. But after that call, she hasn't rang me up to update me, I've had no contact with her and the headmistress has taken it upon herself to call me directly.

I would guess that’s because just in my eyes you sounded abrupt and to some even argumentative. I’m sorry but people nowadays don’t have the conversational abilities they used to as so many things are done by text/ email etc, and so you have to just assume with some people throwing their point out there will happen. You’ve the opposite problem, you want your thing dealt with with none of the social niceties or etiquette. A lot of people will shrink back from that

Yanbu . I’m a sentence finisher and I hate myself for it! It got worse because my dh starts sentences and is so slow to speak - sometimes I can have said in my head three endings to his sentence during the ludicrous 5 second gaps he leaves. I have adhd and I speak and think very fast.

This sometimes happens to me, but the person stops when I say 'can I just finish?'

I have an old friend who talks over people constantly I just pretend not to have heard that she’s talking and carry on. Its exhausting though and rude.

Following with interest for responses. I know a couple of people who do not listen and often assume they know my answers, finish sentences etc.

It's bizzare how they can have a completely different recollection of an event because they did not pay attention to others than self. But will insist they're correct..

Sometimes it's like speaking with slightly arrogant teens, and that's how I now see them. Take all they say with pinch of salt, follow up with email if it's important for papertrail, do not debate. Avoid if possible...

I can’t bear the long pauses or the lengthy flow of some people when the point is obvious.

I take a long time to talk sometimes because I have slow processing speed because of being Dyslexic, which causes a delay between my thoughts in my head and my verbal expression of them. I also have to stop and think before continuing my point sometimes, particularly if it's something that I need to convey with importance.
I am extremely self conscious about this and often when I'm talking at length I notice people's eyes start quickly glancing sideways and I know they're thinking "Just bloody hurry up". But I can't. The processing speed between my brain thoughts and my speech isn't fast enough. I can't talk rapidly.
And when I do talk, I'm a slow talker and I tend to elongate my vowels. Recently I've realised I developed this way of talking when I was younger as a way to 'buy time' whilst talking to allow my thought processing speed to catch up.
I am married to a man who spends every conversation we ever have talking over me, cutting me off and finishing my sentences for me, or worst of all he simply walks away from me then shouts out from a different room "I CAN STILL HEAR YOU!" He also says "Yeah I get your point" when I'm still mid-flow and expressing what I want to say and then he just stops listening.
This makes me feel unimportant, disrespected and unheard. It makes me feel that although he's got my point, he doesn't have time or can't be arsed to allow me to complete what I'm saying.
Inside, I have a screaming hatred towards him for making me feel like this.
I'm not dumb. I'm intelligent and I have a higher than average IQ. But I am Dyslexic and I can't do anything about the processing speed between my thoughts and speech when I'm talking.
So maybe consider this next time you can't bear the long pauses or lengthy flow when people are talking to you, regardless of whether or not you have already grasped their point. Just show them respect by listening until they've finished.

People with ADHD do that. That's me. I try very hard to be patient, but some people are soooo slow to express their thoughts, it can be really hard not to cut them short.

@MulberryWedges, I hear you very well. Just to say that ADHD people feel terrible about themselves too for interrupting. The frustration that grows inside when people take what seems like for ever to say something we would have said in one 10th of the time can be overwhelming.

ADHD people need to make every effort to be patient, but slow people need to also appreciate that their slowness can be very hard to deal with.

Depends what you define as slow. With ADHD I'd assume an average paced conversation may not be stimulating enough -it's all in diagnostic criteria.

Depends what you define as slow. With ADHD I'd assume an average paced conversation may not be stimulating enough -it's all in diagnostic criteria
I'd say quite a bit slower than average. Most conversations are fine to us.

For me, it's not as much the speed of words but what comes to me as using 10 words for what could be said in one.

The reason for the frustration is that I will have interpreted what they are saying after only a few words and already worked out my response when they are still themselves processing what they are saying.

People like me are very annoying. I don't do it on purpose though, my brain is wired to process info very quickly and slowness is very frustrating to me.

I had a few of these and just don't see them anymore. Frustrating and not enjoyable.

People don't know how to behave anymore. Agree with a pp that if y9u push back you can be seen as unpleasant or adversarial.

Oh goodness, my husband does this all the time and he really can’t see that he’s doing anything wrong, he says it’s just conversation. The problem is that when he interrupts I lose my chain of thought, him saying carry on then really doesn’t help. At the moment my strategy is to just carry on with what I’m saying, but him talking too is very distracting.
I’m actually quite glad to read others have this problem as I was beginning to think maybe I’m wrong, it’s a me problem, but I don’t think it is !

Sorry @Passaggressfedup , don’t know why I quoted you there !

I feel for you, OP. And I’ve noticed that when someone finishes my sentence for me, they almost always get it wrong! Not what I was going to say at all. Then I feel I have to say something like “That’s an interesting thought, but actually …”

You may think you know what they're telling you but I bet half the time you are wrong. I have a member of the family with ADHD who does exactly as you do. At least 50% of the time her "guess" will be wrong (because, let's face it, until the person has finished speaking every word they want to say, it can only ever be a guess). It's infuriating and also very rude. If it's important that she understand me, we can have several goes at it with her making various stabs at what I might be going to say. If she eventually hits the right one, she seems very pleased with herself and can't seem to understand that if she had just let me finish, we would have got there in one.
It is rude and arrogant and unfortunately puts me off talking to her at all.

It’s interesting that you say this happens to you a lot. Do you think you speak quite slowly?
if not, keep being assertive and let people know you haven’t finished.
like
’sorry, can I finish what I was saying?’
’please let me finish what I was saying’.
‘No, that’s not what I meant, let me explain’.

You may think you know what they're telling you but I bet half the time you are wrong
Your family member might be wrong, in my case, people do acknowledge that I get it right most of the time but it's still frustrating for them that they don't get to speak without being interrupted.

I'm being very honest here. I am self conscious of it and I'm making a genuine effort to not do it which I don't do anywhere as often as I used, mainly because I'm a lot calmer nowadays.

However I often don't feel I get the same consideration back. It also feels controlling to have to hear what feels like a whole narrative before you can respond back, quickly, before the other person goes yet again into a whole narrative. Ultimately, it's different ways to express oneself and consideration and efforts must be made on both sides.