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Dating advice for over 60s

54 replies

Iluvgenehunt · 31/08/2026 15:57

Posting here for traffic. I have recently started online dating after a divorce. Last time I was single was the early 80s so I could do with a more modern perspective.
I've had about 15 dates and for various reasons we didn't gel ( at least in my eyes). I have made a good male friend from it though so that's a result. It will only ever be a friendship though.
Couple of weeks ago I met up with someone I really liked. He was born in the same part of London, worked in the same industry and sadly lost his wife to cancer 6 years ago. He clearly has a very busy life and has 2 lovely daughters and four grandchildren. It was a relief to chat to a man who appears to be 'normal' for want of a better word.
I then had a week's holiday and we went for dinner a few days after I got back. Conversation was very light and jokey and we both agreed we had a good time and discussed meeting again. Had a couple of funny texts the next day and I knew he was off on holiday himself on 2nd September and that his birthday is 5th. He said we should meet up again when he's back. I suggested a daytime meet as we're retired.
Since that, have heard nothing. Would it be reasonable to send him a 'bon voyage' and 'happy birthday' text tomorrow before he sets off? He's driving north to Scotland and then scuba diving around the Western Isles.
I feel like I'm being a bit pushy to do that but if he's not interested I would rather know now. I feel at my age I don't want to play games or waste any time.

OP posts:
PashaMinaMio · 31/08/2026 16:08

Leave out the bon voyage.

A birthday good wishes on the day gives him breathing space and an appropriate gesture amongst all the other good wishes he’ll get.

He knows how to contact you so if he’s further interested he will. Don’t be clingy. Leave him be. Men get focused on what’s important to them on the day.

Cautiously speaking from experience, never take it for granted that albeit you are mature and dating your peers, they won’t turn out to be players, cheats, future fakers & love bombers. Protect your peace, listen to your gut, and take notice of red flags.

Good luck.

Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 16:10

How many men has that 15 dates covered?

Zov · 31/08/2026 16:11

Is this 15 different men?

Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 16:11

Who sent the last message
and how long ago?

Iluvgenehunt · 31/08/2026 16:16

Zov · 31/08/2026 16:11

Is this 15 different men?

No, I saw a couple of the men twice but I guess over the past year I met maybe 12 different people.

OP posts:
Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 16:18

Iluvgenehunt · 31/08/2026 16:16

No, I saw a couple of the men twice but I guess over the past year I met maybe 12 different people.

Wow. That is… a lot!

I think maybe you need to be more circumspect in who you go on a date with!

So who sent last message and how long ago?

Iluvgenehunt · 31/08/2026 16:18

Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 16:11

Who sent the last message
and how long ago?

I think I did but it was a direct comment to an obscure part of our conversation the night before.

OP posts:
Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 16:19

Iluvgenehunt · 31/08/2026 16:18

I think I did but it was a direct comment to an obscure part of our conversation the night before.

Well check your messages? Who sent last one and when? And then we can advise!

Iluvgenehunt · 31/08/2026 16:20

Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 16:18

Wow. That is… a lot!

I think maybe you need to be more circumspect in who you go on a date with!

So who sent last message and how long ago?

I think I was trying to be quite open minded on who I met up with and not writing people off without at least meeting them but on reflection, I think you're right.

OP posts:
Iluvgenehunt · 31/08/2026 16:22

Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 16:19

Well check your messages? Who sent last one and when? And then we can advise!

I deleted them because I didn't want to fester over them but it was me and he did answer and it was on Friday last week ...the day after the date.

OP posts:
comeoncolleen · 31/08/2026 16:22

Happy birthday on the day is about right whoever was the last to text. If he ignores, there's your answer.

Zov · 31/08/2026 16:24

Iluvgenehunt · 31/08/2026 16:16

No, I saw a couple of the men twice but I guess over the past year I met maybe 12 different people.

You're a much more patient and tolerant person than me. I couldn't be faffed with going on dates with 12 men over the age of 50, let alone over 60! (I am assuming they're roughly the same age as you.)

I think I would find it really hard to have the tolerance and patience for this, as I find men in that age group (over 55) really hard work. Many of them are quite sexist and lazy and self centred, and will be looking for a replacement wife/maid/general dogsbody/future carer. Proceed with caution. At this point in my life (aged 55+) if I found myself single/widowed I would stay that way.

Whosthetabbynow · 31/08/2026 16:25

comeoncolleen · 31/08/2026 16:22

Happy birthday on the day is about right whoever was the last to text. If he ignores, there's your answer.

100 per cent. Anyone who ignores a birthday greeting isn’t interested.

Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 16:28

Iluvgenehunt · 31/08/2026 16:22

I deleted them because I didn't want to fester over them but it was me and he did answer and it was on Friday last week ...the day after the date.

And on the answer that you’ve deleted… what did he say? That he’d be in touch?

Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 16:29

So last contact was any HIM
10 days

and you didn’t respond in any way to his last message?

BrummieKara · 31/08/2026 16:29

Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 16:18

Wow. That is… a lot!

I think maybe you need to be more circumspect in who you go on a date with!

So who sent last message and how long ago?

I disagree! Better to quickly meet in person than message for any length of time, Sometimes the chemistry is very different in person (for better and worse!).

Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 16:30

BrummieKara · 31/08/2026 16:29

I disagree! Better to quickly meet in person than message for any length of time, Sometimes the chemistry is very different in person (for better and worse!).

i tend to get a feel in messages very very early on . 15 in a year….

Newyearawaits · 31/08/2026 16:35

Call me a cynic but ime dating in later life is even more fraught than when you are younger and first time around.
That's not to say that some people do have positive experiences.
Celebrate your new found singledom OP and enjoy being you.
If this guy turns out OK, he can be a bonus.
Wishing you well OP

Timeforachange26 · 31/08/2026 16:37

Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 16:30

i tend to get a feel in messages very very early on . 15 in a year….

So? That's just over one meet up a month

Timeforachange26 · 31/08/2026 16:38

Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 16:30

i tend to get a feel in messages very very early on . 15 in a year….

But you can't tell if they smell nice or have a dodgy eye or stuff like that from a message

Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 16:59

Timeforachange26 · 31/08/2026 16:38

But you can't tell if they smell nice or have a dodgy eye or stuff like that from a message

Edited

I meet very rarely.

the idea of 12 different men over 15 dates in a year is so utterly unappealing but if op happy to do it… then all good

cupfinalchaos · 31/08/2026 17:23

I would send him one happy birthday text and that’s it. For what it’s worth, I also had a lot of first dates.. my now dh was the one I could chat to and sounded normal, also a busy person with a close family. Weirdly, his birthday is also 5th Sept! But yes, if you don’t hear anything after the birthday text or get a brush off, just delete his number.

ginasevern · 31/08/2026 17:36

I'm over 60 and my best advice is don't bother. If they're the same age or older they're looking for a prospective nursemaid. I personally wouldn't want to nurse some old bloke that I have no real history with. They're also pretty set in their ways, far more so than women. But to answer your question, wish him happy birthday on the day and see what happens. If he doesn't respond, then you have your answer.

ClaudiaNaughton · 31/08/2026 18:26

What’s a dodgy 😜eye?

HappyHedgehog247 · 31/08/2026 18:34

If I've understood this correctly and the last message was from him answering you then yes text again! He may be waiting for you.

wishing you the best with the dating. I also need to meet people in person-I get too enamoured with excellent writing but there's so much more than that to a person!