Dating advice for over 60s

[Iluvgenehunt]

Posting here for traffic. I have recently started online dating after a divorce. Last time I was single was the early 80s so I could do with a more modern perspective.
I've had about 15 dates and for various reasons we didn't gel ( at least in my eyes). I have made a good male friend from it though so that's a result. It will only ever be a friendship though.
Couple of weeks ago I met up with someone I really liked. He was born in the same part of London, worked in the same industry and sadly lost his wife to cancer 6 years ago. He clearly has a very busy life and has 2 lovely daughters and four grandchildren. It was a relief to chat to a man who appears to be 'normal' for want of a better word.
I then had a week's holiday and we went for dinner a few days after I got back. Conversation was very light and jokey and we both agreed we had a good time and discussed meeting again. Had a couple of funny texts the next day and I knew he was off on holiday himself on 2nd September and that his birthday is 5th. He said we should meet up again when he's back. I suggested a daytime meet as we're retired.
Since that, have heard nothing. Would it be reasonable to send him a 'bon voyage' and 'happy birthday' text tomorrow before he sets off? He's driving north to Scotland and then scuba diving around the Western Isles.
I feel like I'm being a bit pushy to do that but if he's not interested I would rather know now. I feel at my age I don't want to play games or waste any time.

I feel at my age I don't want to play games or waste any time.

What are you looking for OP? A long term relationship? Casual companionship? A FWB?

If you want someone to be serious with, I wouldn't bother messaging this man. He knows how to contact you if he wants to see you again. Men of any age can be open to no strings attached sex if they sense a woman is keen so you need to tread cautiously in online dating. The big difference between OLD and relationships evolving naturally in real life is that OL dates are basically total strangers who can spin you any lies they like. Real life normally comes with some supporting context you know where they work because you met them there or you know their friends because one of them introduced you.

Tread carefully and have your guard up.

Yes, it has been a very dispiriting search. They say nurse or purse at my age and with a couple of exceptions, that's been true.
I moved to a new town after the divorce and I didn't know anyone here so I do some volunteer work and thought it might be nice to date a few people. Life is pretty lonely.
I will take all your advice and just send a happy birthday message. Thanks

No, she's doing exactly the right thing meeting as many people as possible! At least it's a good reason to get dressed up and out of the house. She's not shagging them on a first meeting FFS. At our age we don't have time for pussyfooting around for months at a time with one person. Meet them, see if there's a spark, if not, move on. Good luck to her.

@Iluvgenehunt don't be discouraged, my lovely male cousin-in-law just got together last year with a fabulous lady, they're really happy, as are their families - and she's 82!

I would like a long term relationship. The marriage was long, too long and pretty bad. I don't want to remarry or live with anyone but someone kind, solvent and a fun travelling companion.

Oh thank you. Yes, my social life isn't great and I get fed up spending most weekends and bank holidays on my own. My long term friends are married and I don't always want to be the off one out.

You're right about the casual sex thing. It's very off putting. 99% of them are pretty unappealing and quite a few have bad breath! I am treading carefully. Guess that's why I got quite excited about this one.

I really don’t think men give so much thought in who sent the last text shall I text now

if he is interested he will contact you

send a birthday message

but don’t make up reasons why he hasn’t contacted you the simple truth is he hasn’t and wouldn’t you rather be with someone then does stay in contact?

Guess that's why I got quite excited about this one.

You have to watch out for this when online dating. There are so many awful experiences to be had and awful men to meet that it is all too easy if you get a sniff of anything half way normal to get over excited and project a fantasy template of Mr Perfect Long Term Future onto a guy who all you know about him at this stage is that he can perform well during one date.

It's a hazard of OLD. It is why on here there are so many angsty threads of this type he hasn't called should I call him I texted him he hasnt replied and its been all of 30 minutes he doesnt like me does he.

You know nothing about him and it is good to dial down the excitement until you get to know someone.

I met 13 men in the year I was looking (started at age 38, so yes considerably younger) - not online it was through an introduction agency where you looked at profiles then they sent your profile to ones you were interested and they sent theirs to you and if either side were interested you’d give them a call.. anyway I had a fun year; two of them I dated for a few weeks and one guy became a friend, and lucky 13 I married.
But he didn’t call me for a week after our first date. This was before texting and I didn’t even own a mobile phone. He was busy - and once we started dating in earnest he really did have one of those 60 hour jobs with lots of travel plus two kids. So I wouldn’t get hung up on not hearing for a few days. Do come back and tell us if he responds to your birthday greeting!

Lordy 12 in a year is nothing, depending on how locked into the idea of finding a relationship/fwb I was, I would sometimes do multiple dates each week (in my late 40s!). Dating is a numbers game, chat, meet and then discard if they aren't a good fit.

I will let you know. Thanks. X

Yes, it definitely is a numbers game and I need some staying power to keep trying.

Pretty much what I said. A man in his 60s+ (indeed in his 50s too) will just be looking for a nurse/maid/skivvy/chief cook and bottle washer, and someone to look after him when he needs care, and before he needs care, you will be caring for his mother. Most men are not looking for 'love' at that age.

@Iluvgenehunt have I got this correct?

He last message 10 days ago and you haven't replied? Well you have now, but not before the 10 days were up?

I think it's a good thing you dated so many men because you were able to see they weren't right and get rid quickly and not linger on like so many of us do expecting them to be something better

That said the dating market for our age is pretty dismal because so many of these guys are in poor health, they have bad habits, many are expecting a nurse with a purse a caretaker

I don't think it matters. Wish him a happy birthday if you'd like to. If he responds that will be fine. If he doesn't, or doesn't seem keen, you can move on.

It's just a coffee or a quick drink. Really isn't a big deal . Or do t you like meeting people?

It can be done. Sounds exactly the situation I e been with my partner for a decade now ( although we actually met eat other in. a pub)

And to those going on about nursemaids or looking after his mother, well that hasn't happened. He's now mid 60s

What absolute tosh

More tosh

Tosh again

Just said this on another post.

join your local U3A ! Look up on line and find your local group, then find interest groups they have you think you’d enjoy. Through those make friends first. And U3A is all about people wanting to make friends and sharing common interests, learning new stuff.

frankly I’ve no time for dating men! I’m now a lady who lunches, does coffee, hangs around with mostly women, having a laugh, learning new stuff, or having meaningful discussion or working up a sweat in a physical activity . Yep, I do mix with men too, some lovely blokes who aren’t any more interested in dating than I am! I’ve made really good strong friendships. Friends who are very supportive when there’s a need both ways. And I now feel very much part of our local village community too.

but there are relationships that blossom in our U3A , and occasional marriages..it’s not at all a dating group, but friendships over common interests do sometimes blossom into good old fashioned romances, at a slower more natural pace then OLD.

you don’t need a man to get to know people..women are so less “demanding” in their friendships! You absolutely don’t need to be lonely any more

I think a man over 55 has turned up on the thread 👀

Just to give another perspective, I met my lovely man when I was 55 we're 57 now both of us and we met OLD and he's none of those things mentioned before - he's solvent athletic fit intelligent likes the theatre cinema music, a great cook. So they are out there. We're heading towards 60 so not far off.

I had heard such bad things about men in my age group that I was looking for a younger man but having dated men in their 30s and forties I then met this gem (one month younger than me exactly so just scraped his way in.... 😅)

@LittleJustice Give it time. You've only been together 5 minutes.