Women who are assertive, and disliked for it

[bjorni9]

Have you ever come across a woman who is really assertive, and disliked for it? My son is part of a sports club run by volunteers. One of the women is incredibly assertive and people seem to severely dislike her for it. Anyone trying to bend rules thay other staff members let go don't slide with her, if she feels that something hasn't been handled correctly she will say it and provide a solution, sje has no favourites, she will pull people up when their kids are not behaving appropriately. Every single time I have seen her do this she has been entirely reasonable. Interestingly people seem to dislike her for it, and I seem to be the only one that is actually quite inspired by her. Has anyone come across this before? Or maybe you are this person?

If they are fair, can accept that they are not always right then I like those people

It's almost like she is disliked BECAUSE she is fair.

I would really admire her for it but I do think being assertive and fair is hard line to tread and some assertive people tip over into coming over as being bossy and opinionated.
I'm not assertive. I would love to be. I will speak up more now than i did when I was younger but I would like to have the confidence of the woman you describe.

I am that woman. I won't say it's ever made me poplar, but the friends I do have very much appreciate that side of me.

She is genuinely just very fair. For example someone asked if their child could still have a trophy even though he hadn't taken part in the amount of tournaments needed to qualify (by quite a fair way). One of the coaches said I'm sure they could sort something out. The parent then asked her as she sorts the trophies, and she very gently explained that it isn't fair on the other children and parents who have taken part in all the qualifying tournaments, but they would happily sort out a medal for him, and that if they bent the one rule for one they would habe to do it for everyone who asks. I thought this was very fair, but parents now think she is a 'bit of a bitch'. These are the kind of examples.

Does it come naturally to you or have you had to work on it?

She doesn't sound terribly assertive, more someone who refuses to bend the rules, and isn't afraid to stand by that?

Sometimes assertive women are seen as bossy aren't they ? She sounds great but I imagine some of the parents don't like their children being put in a "different light" and told their behaviour isn't appropriate that is probably why she isn't liked by them.

I've only given one example. She is very assertive. For example when they were in the AGM which club members were invited to one of the coaches was talking over her and she said 'coach if you keep talking over me before I have finished I am going to have to put everyone on mute and ask people to use the raised hand function. Thank you'. Again, she is branded as bossy, but she really wasnt. The way he was talking over her was awful and infuriating. There are a lot of examples.

I'd say she's a woman who has firm boundaries in place but is fair with it too. There's nothing wrong in that at all. Unfortunately, some people don't like firm boundaries, and think they can push them, in the hope the person caves.

Me too! I'm very assertive, everywhere, i.e. family, personal, work life, etc. I take no prisoners and am definitely a "rule" person. Some people don't like it as I know I come across as aloof and opinionated, but mostly, when they get to know me, they realise that underneath the "assertive" exterior, I'm also very efficient, friend for life, fair, honest, always willing to help out, etc.

I believe it to be innate! I remember the first time I spoke out about a perceived injustice I was six. A friend of mine was being told off for something at school that they didn't do so I stood and set the record straight. And then never really stopped...

Well she wasn't being a bitch at all and it would have been totally unfair for a child to get a trophy if they didn't qualify for it. If there is any anger to be directed any where it should be at the parent who was cheeky enough to expect special treatment for their child!

Me and my DD's are assertive, it does get you disliked or ridiculed, especially if you are attractive. It comes naturally, the older women in our family were assertive and bold. I've had women bosses and there's been the usual sexist jokes about them just needing a good fucking. The women are, bitches, the men strong leaders. The women rude, the men don't beat around the bush. I find other women judge women who don't dress things up and play the 'hun/hug' game.

I know a woman like that. I also think she is inspiring.

My grandmother was assertive and took no prisoners. She was born in the Edwardian age and had a very strong sense of her "place" in the world. I take after her a lot.

Ive done several courses of assertiveness training when I was younger. I was also in management for many years and the chair of a housing co-operative. So it comes naturally to me to begin assigning roles and organising. If you try to "tell" me what to do without authority I will soon put you back in your box. Like Machiavelli's Prince I would rather be respected and feared than loved.

I am naturally assertive - my mum would tell you this was apparent from birth. I am also imperturbable and self assured. I have found that people who dislike my assertiveness also dislike these other qualities.

It's also interesting the way that men are never described as "opinionated". Women who express their opinions are however, including by other women.

Is it interesting or is it sexist?! I've been told I have a male type brain or a male like personality 😂

I’d probably be described as a similar person, I try to consider situations from all angles and to be fair but what I’ve noticed is people who are solely focussed on themselves and their personal agendas don’t like coming up against me as I’m happy to stand my ground.

People who can consider other sides and can see outside of themself do tend to like me so it doesn’t bother me.

It’s sexist. I’ve never heard the word “bossy” applied to a man either.

I am also this woman. I need to be at work, and I’ve been fortunate to have male colleagues who have backed and supported me over the years. Even with that support, these attitudes have made my role incredibly challenging at times.

Personally, I think it reflects the wider
perception of women in society. We are still too often viewed as less capable or less authoritative than men and expected to toe the line. A man can be assertive, confident and take ownership, and he is seen as a strong leader. When a woman displays those same qualities, she is far more likely to be labelled difficult, aggressive, controlling or intimidating. Women are expected to lead, but only in a way that makes everyone else feel comfortable.

Priti Patel would probably argue that this applies to her. Those who worked with her would disagree.

I was once told on a course that I was one of the most naturally assertive people the instructor had met. People definitely react strongly to it, some love you for it, some hate it. As I get older, people sometimes call me stroppy. I alternate between commenting that firm boundaries are not stroppy, and saying I am going to have tee shirts made.

She sounds ordinarily assertive to me, in a perfectly normal way. I mean, isn't that what we all do when someone tries to talk over us, especially in professional situations? I think you'd have to be pretty wet-lettuce-ish to think she should just have allowed herself to be talked over. Who are these people who think she's overbearing? Men? Women?