Women who are assertive, and disliked for it

[bjorni9]

Have you ever come across a woman who is really assertive, and disliked for it? My son is part of a sports club run by volunteers. One of the women is incredibly assertive and people seem to severely dislike her for it. Anyone trying to bend rules thay other staff members let go don't slide with her, if she feels that something hasn't been handled correctly she will say it and provide a solution, sje has no favourites, she will pull people up when their kids are not behaving appropriately. Every single time I have seen her do this she has been entirely reasonable. Interestingly people seem to dislike her for it, and I seem to be the only one that is actually quite inspired by her. Has anyone come across this before? Or maybe you are this person?

Yeah “assertive” usually just means “rude” and I refuse to be around that kind of person.

They think everything is a problem for them to personally solve and that everyone appreciates their input 🙄

Doesn't sound like she's assertive more that she's set certain boundaries and is sticking to them.

But of course assertive women in general as disliked, we live in a deeply misogynistic society that to this day tries to keep women small and meek.

It really doesn't, and the fact that you think it does suggests things about you.

'Assertive' only means 'Rude' or 'Bossy' when it is a woman being assertive.

Men don't like women being assertive or standing their ground, and women severely dislike another woman being in charge, although they would accept the exact same thing if it were done by a man.

It takes very little for me to revert to my "dismissive teacher" voice especially with pushy males whom I delight in addressing as sonny. I am what is known as a dragon lady.

I really don’t care what you think it suggests about me. Why would I?

I have never come across an “assertive” woman that anyone actually likes. They tolerate her and are civil to her, but they never actually like her. They’re just rude.

And I’m a woman, before anyone spouts nonsense about only men thinking that

There’s a fine line between being assertive and being an arsehole whether you’re male or female. Sexism means it’s generally more acceptable for men to be arseholes than women. Assertiveness is generally a good thing but some people cross the line, usually the sort who “call a spade a spade”. I have no time for those people.

I really don’t care what you think it suggests about me. Why would I?

How assertive of you.

Yep, sexism alive and well. Also, the standard "keep your head down and don't get involved" attitude at work here. Someone who cares about consistency and keeping up standards inevitably becomes the common enemy, but we need those people. Societies don't work without them. Good for her. And good for you recognising her value.

More likely because she is a woman and assertive, and that doesn't fit easily with what a woman is still expected to be like by many people. It's as though a certain past image of what femininity should be like is etched into people's brains even though female-appropriate is variable between cultures and eras. In any case we should not have to adhere to cultural expectations of our sex. 😍

Yes, a lot of people don't like naturally strong and assertive women. I'm not one myself (I wish I was, but ADHD/associated rejection sensitivity, and being brought up to be a people pleaser put paid to any hope of that). But the three most inspiring women I've known have all refused to take shit from anyone.

Isn’t it sometimes a thing where women who own their own businesses invent an imaginary male assistant who emails clients to chase up invoices and suppliers for deadlines? The imaginary male assistant can be assertive and direct - and the female business owner gets paid on time.

on my god, exactly whats happening to me right now. Have been told people are intimidated and threatened by me, but I am literally just doing my job.

People don't like other people telling them what to do and telling them off. So it's always a fine line to tread between genuine assertiveness (which is articulating your own boundaries, what you will and won't do) and bossiness, where you stray into telling other people what you think they should or shouldn't do.
I think where people have an issue it's often because it's become bossiness. I do agree though that people tolerate this a lot less from women than men.