To leave early after my dad told off my son?

[Sparklesbigtoe]

Will try & keep this brief cos I didn’t get many replies on my longer one and I’d really like to know if I’m overreacting or not. 5 yo DS & I are staying with my dad for a few days. Yesterday while we’re eating dinner he raised his voice (not quite shouted) at him & told him he has no manners and he doesn’t want to eat dinner with him again and that he needs to go straight to bed. DS wouldn’t sit still, kept getting up and burping at the table. All bad behaviour I know and I was dealing with it but my dad butts in. He goes on at him so much DS starts crying. He then suggests I’m not bringing him up properly and not teaching him any manners, says DS is rude for ignoring him earlier that day when he asked him a question (I wasn’t there but he wouldn’t have ignored him, he may have not understood or frozen out of shyness, which happens sometimes). I took DS to bed and went to bed with him and haven’t seen my dad since. I feel extremely unwelcome here now and just want to go home. Problem is we’re in rural Wales and the only way we can leave is to have my dad drive us to the train station. We’re due to stay till Sunday. What would you do? If I end up staying, what do I say to him today? He’ll never apologise to me or ds or admit he was in the wrong.

Following.

Haven’t RTFT but I would try talking to father one more time and then leave if not successful.

You were dealing with it.

Some of the responses here suggest many people just don't understand the difference between kids and adults...

Your son behaved poorly. That is to be expected of a five year, they aren't always perfect, especially outside of their own environment and little boys often act up to impress/seem funny - that is normal social learning- and you were clearly correcting him, taking away dessert and film.

Your father behaved appallingly - shouting at the child & being verbally abusive about your entire parenting style in front of your very young son. This isnt intervention - this is anger.

This against the backdrop of previous emotional abuse and controlling behaviour in your childhood suggests you should listen to your gut OP.

I wouldnt leave my son in his company alone, I wouldn't be stuck in a rural location alone with him again, and I'd suggest or create a polite reason why you might need to leave early. I would learn from this, spend less intense periods of time together in neutral locations.

Your poor little lad, he is unlucky, the overwhelming majority of adults and grandparents would never react that way to a restless, giddy kid.

Finally five year old boys are not designed to sit like adults and eat for long periods at tables. Movement is normal and expected - he won't be doing this at 18 but your dad might still be controlling and abusive in 13 years...

Haha, ok … never said I was there or acted like it. The arrogance of you defending your point as though you were there 🤣

Your son is 5 so is going to school in September? I sincerely hope you correct this behaviour before then. He’s not a baby, you need to instil manners and respect for others. He’s going to be in trouble a lot if you don’t.

Boomers are really out in force on this thread

OP your son is 5 and burped repeatedly - the consequence is he was told off. Not by you but by your dad. Your dad took it too far. However I don’t think he was wrong for telling him off. It is disgusting and nobody would enjoy sitting around that behaviour.

Take a step back though and how you’re dealing with it after the fact is the bigger problem. You’re an adult and you’re avoiding speaking about it. Even weirder it is ‘too awkward’ to discuss so you are staying until Sunday, somewhere you don’t want to be so you can avoid a discussion. That’s really weird behaviour and your son is seeing this and watching this and absorbing it. Do you want him to have seen you cry, tolerate the excessive telling off and then not deal with it? You’re teaching him to just ignore it and not communicate.

Put your big girl pants on and tell your dad that whilst you agree with him picking your son up, it went too far. You don’t appreciate being told you’re a bad mum and if that’s his belief then you’ll be heading home prior to Sunday.

I think these responses are absolutely ridiculous. People being offended at a 5 year old is just absurd with unrealistic behaviour expectations. If he was 15 then that would be different. This is absolutely a non post and a waste of everyone's time and energy. Adults worrying about a slightly cheeky 5 year old literally have no real problems to be concerning themselves with.

It's in no way outrageous. He's 5, not 25.

And the fact that OP has absolutely no idea how to get to the station without a lift from the “abusive, controlling” dad, says a lot.

What a stupid comment. You've obviously never been to rural wales.. it's not a case of 'not knowing' how to get to the train station, if you haven't got a car, and taxis will not collect you from your location, no public transport nearby. How do you propose she gets to the station? Walk? Down miles of unlit country lanes with her 5 year old?

I'm all for playing devils advocate on here and seeing the other side of the story we aren't getting, but accusing OP of lying about her own experience and then making up scenarios in your own head just to further stick the boot in is pretty unhinged.

But he didn't shout. He told the boy off firmly...something that the op wasn't doing. She was taking away his pudding and a film later...so something he probably wasn't going to eat and a treat in the future. He was also removed from the table and returned to burp ... clearly she wasn't dealing with it

Wait - your dad has been emotionally controlling and abusive to you as a child and you have willingly exposed your son to someone like that.
sorry but your no1 priority should be your child and anyone who has exhibited those behaviours in the past - to the point you are still scared of them - should not get within a 50ft radius of your kid.

The way you are falling on your sword for someone you don’t know is unhinged … majority have voted that OP is U anyway.
She hasn’t said no taxi will attend the address.
Anyway, OP and left the thread now that she doesn’t like the truth … similar to leaving her parent house.

Oh for fuck’ s sake!

Yep I see the problem

I’m a Boomer and I think her dad handled things badly.

In a five year old boy’s world, burps are the height of humor. The only thing funnier is farts. The OP needs to teach DS that there’s a time and a place for that kind of thing. Young children are naturally fidgety, but they can ask to be excused from the table. Sadly, it appears that Grandad’s parents didn’t teach him how to behave with guests of any age, nor how to offer concern and guidance to their adult children instead of being over critical and berating them.

Team Dad/Grandad.

I don’t think your being totally unreasonable it’s horrible your parents make you feel your not parenting correctly!
The fact you’ve said you’ve not went back downstairs as you know he won’t have an adult conversation with you makes me think he is very he is the parent he is right your wrong even at the age you are now he doesn’t see you as an adult. I’m only going from my own experiences and felt for you as it’s horrid when you don’t have the relationship with your parents where you can talk to them and feel supported in your parenting journey!!
For all those saying your son is xyz I feel for you to as he’s still a small child and yes he was being inappropriate in that moment and you were trying to deal with him but maybe he was totally fed up off the old man and just trying to lighten the mood!

just wanted to post as these replies can sometimes be brutal when you can’t post all the background and people don’t know you son/dad at the family dynamics!

take care OP! Parenting and dealing with grumpy shouty grandparents is hard work!’

It's been a day now.

what happened the next time you went down to sit at the dinner table did your son not burp?

So he's done a rude behaviour multiple times but you were giving him one more chance? No wonder your dad cracked it. Some things you need to come down hard and fast with immediate consequences. Not oh no, one more chance or no dessert and movie, while everyone else has been turned off their meals because of revolting behaviour. One warning then consequence.

If your dd has always been emotionally abusive and controlling, why does his behaviour towards your child surprise you? Why go and spend a few days with him? At 5yrs of age, a child should be able to use a knife and fork and have table manners. If he kept burping at the table it would put me off my food. He must does this alot, because he carried on doing it when told not too. Discipline starts from day one, or you will rue the day

As soon as I saw, my son wouldn't have been rude to his grandad , when you wernt there says it all. You see no wrong in your son and your father is pulling him up o his bratish behavior. I personally apologise to my dad, maybe ask him for help and advice with ds's behavior, as by what you have written, unfortunately you need it.