AIBU to think I can do two weddings in one day?

[HidingintheClothesPile]

One of our close friends is getting married next year which me and DP are really excited about.

Had another wedding invite today from a family member (his side) they’re close family that he doesn’t see that often but still get on and go to each others family functions etc and the date is the same day as our friends wedding!

I’m a bit gutted about it because I was so looking forward to my good friend’s big day but we also can’t really miss a family wedding in good conscience. I don’t want to attend the weddings separately (not in a “me and DP are joined at the hip and I can’t function at events alone” kind of way, more a “he’s my best mate and we want to go out and have fun together” kind of way).

AIBU to think we could do both? They’re about a 40 minute drive from each other so not super close but also not ridiculously far apart so my thought is we could go to the family ceremony and our friend’s reception. Is that going to be a huge faffy rush about on the day? Is it bad wedding guest etiquette to do this? I don’t want to be rude to either, but also don’t want to miss either!

(On the bright side it means I’ve only got to buy one outfit I guess)

Surely you just decline the second invitation? Sounds like you aren't that close to that family member, and your good friend has already invited you and you've rspvd. I don't think you should back out of something you've already committed to.

You could do that but it doesn't sound enjoyable and personally I'd just choose the one I wanted to go to and tell the other couple I'd already committed to another wedding.

If you are an all day guest at the family wedding, and let them pay for a meal for you ,and then you bail on them for another wedding , I’d imagine they’d be pretty upset . Or will you say you’ll just attend the ceremony and attend the other wedding as an evening guest?

I think that’s a good idea - especially if you’ve already RSVPed to friend. Do the timings work?

Just attend separately and DP joins you at the evening do for your friend later

Decline the new invite, anything else is bloody rude.

Sorry I should have said in my original message that we only have a save the date from my friend but the family wedding we’ve had a full on invite in the post today

This is an interesting option that honestly hadn’t even occurred to me so it’s going on the list of potential solutions!

If you do, have a conversation now with each of the couples, who I hope would be understanding.

You will have a story to tell for a long time afterwards!

The 1st save the date should be the main wedding you attend. I'd do the day for that one, and then the evening at the other so you get to do both.

Yeah to be honest this is what I’m most worried about - I really don’t want to do anything that would be rude or taking the piss out of either, I know how stressful weddings are as I’ve been married previously and so don’t want to be an awkward guest. My chronic people pleasing self is just trying to work out a way we can do everything and make everyone happy, haha

Honestly having visions of that Vicar of Dibley episode where she ends up at everyone’s Christmas dinners 😂

Someone did this at our wedding. They rsvp yes to us and then got another invite. They did our ceremony and the others reception. I think it was the worst of both worlds the woman in the couple said.

Starting off at one wedding,then leaving to go to another, just sends the message to the first couple that you think the other wedding is better than theirs.

I would agree with this if we left spontaneously but if we did decide to explore the option of going to both we’d be speaking to them both well in advance to explain the dilemma and make sure they were ok with it!

You said it's a close family member is it a sibling? If so and as you say you haven't had a full invitation to your friend's wedding yet I think your husband needs to attend the family wedding and then maybe join you later for the evening reception at your friend's .

Personally think you should just attend the whole of one wedding, think it’s rude to attend one part of one wedding, and then leave to go to another wedding. You should attend your friend’s wedding as you received the Save the date card for that first (are you sure you are invited to all of it, and not just evening reception), as sometimes people do send out Save the Dates to all guests, then sort out day and evening invitations, & just evening invitations).

If your DP really does not want to miss family wedding he should attend that.

You stick with the first invite - anything else is rude.

A save the date is not an invitation. You may get just an evening one. You accept the full wedding of the first invite.

Well the first invite is really the family one since the other is not an invite yet.

Whose party would you rather go to? I feel like you could do ceremony and meal at one then evening at the other?

Speak yo the friends and confirm the date. You’ve already agreed to attend that and sound closer to them. Ok family might be disappointed but you’ve already committed to your friend. Or you could attend the evening event of the family wedding? Would you be drinking? Do you have children and are they invited to both, or do you need a babysitter?

This is what I’d do in an ideal world but I’m also really conscious of the fact that weddings are expensive and I don’t want to take the piss out of that by picking and choosing which bits to go to. It’s a shame because they’re both events we were looking forward to just had no idea they’d be landing on the same day. They’re literally the only weddings we’re going to next year too so it’s bloody typical they’d be on the same day 😂

This happened to us and it was one of my nightmare scenarios. My sister and DH's cousin were getting married on the same day (to different people, not each other 🤣).

My eldest DD (then around 5) was to be my sister's bridesmaid too. I was also her Matron of Honour. The two weddings were at the exact same time and an hour and a half drive apart.

My DH, who was never known for his realism, tried to insist that we would go to the service for my sister and then all just shoot straight off in the car to go to his cousin's do. I had a hard time convincing him that DD and I would be required to stay with my sister, along with the rest of my family, and that anything else was unrealistic. He only backed down when his own parents also said the same to him.

I also had to reinforce to him that DD and I were actually in my sister's bridal party so just wouldn't be leaving anyway. If he was going to go it would have been on his own and would have looked very odd. The choice was left up to him and he stayed with us.

We politely declined the cousin's wedding, explained exactly why and no offence was taken.

During the day, as my sister's event unfolded, DH admitted that he had been a loon to think it could ever have worked.

I don't necessarily think it's rude if you explain clearly beforehand so each couple knows which bits you'll be attending. Only do it if you really want to go to both weddings though. My friend did this at my wedding, came for ceremony and drinks at my wedding and then evening reception at the other friend's wedding. With a flight from London to Edinburgh in between! I knew she wasn't staying for the meal and didn't ask her to do anything for the wedding (bridesmaid etc) which I might have done if she'd been staying all day. I was happy she could come to at least part of the day.

Just pick the one you'd rather go to, honestly. It's going to turn into a mess.