AIBU to think I can do two weddings in one day?

[HidingintheClothesPile]

One of our close friends is getting married next year which me and DP are really excited about.

Had another wedding invite today from a family member (his side) they’re close family that he doesn’t see that often but still get on and go to each others family functions etc and the date is the same day as our friends wedding!

I’m a bit gutted about it because I was so looking forward to my good friend’s big day but we also can’t really miss a family wedding in good conscience. I don’t want to attend the weddings separately (not in a “me and DP are joined at the hip and I can’t function at events alone” kind of way, more a “he’s my best mate and we want to go out and have fun together” kind of way).

AIBU to think we could do both? They’re about a 40 minute drive from each other so not super close but also not ridiculously far apart so my thought is we could go to the family ceremony and our friend’s reception. Is that going to be a huge faffy rush about on the day? Is it bad wedding guest etiquette to do this? I don’t want to be rude to either, but also don’t want to miss either!

(On the bright side it means I’ve only got to buy one outfit I guess)

A

Just go to the first wedding and enjoy it otherwise you’ll be clock watching.

Do the timings even work and where do you plan to eat? TBH I’d be annoyed if you ate and ran but would consider it equally cheeky you turning up in time for the food and drink!

You should attend the full wedding of the friend whose wedding you were invited to first.

Anything else would be incredibly rude.

I'd go to the friends ceremony, dinner etc and then the evening do for the family one, personally.

We've attended two weddings in the same day a few years ago.
The one that I'd confirmed first was, luckily in the early afternoon. The second invitation, that was a family wedding was in the morning. The family knew we had already made plans for the afternoon, so we went to the family ceremony and they knew we would be leaving afterwards which we did.
The 'first' wedding in the afternoon included an overnight stay, so we could not have uninvited ourselves from that, as the bride and groom had paid for it.

Once you have accepted an invitation, you can’t decline and accept the other

Go to the friend’s wedding, which you have already committed to - they literally asked you to Save the Date! Unless the family wedding is a parent or sibling of your husband - in which case you’d presumably have known the date far in advance of the invitations going out - you’ll have to regretfully decline due to a previous commitment. It happens, they’re not going to cut you off because of it.

Years ago at church we had two weddings in one day. We did the first went to the reception it was a nice lunch. Came back to the Church for second wedding then to the evening event for that wedding. Never went to weddings but two in one day!

Hi op considering your first wedding was save the date that meant for you not to make any plans for that day as it’s a wedding and you are expected as guests. So even though the family was a real invitation you had already had save the date so this is your first invite. You have to decide who’s more important to you because being at 2 weddings is not the right thing to do for the bride and groom.

Yes, this happened us. It was incredibly rude. I couldn't give a shit who was at the ceremony so I don't know why this clown bothered. Don't do it. Commit to one and enjoy yourself for the day.

I’ve done it, and they were a lot further apart. Did the ceremony for one (Christian sort of fundamentalist types, went on for ages, lots of hands in the air, and Christian Rock etc).
left early afternoon, back to my Home Town were our friends got married, to a raucous reception.

it was fine

I wouldn’t consider a “save the date” to be the same as an actual invite because I don’t think you actually have to reply to it. It’s more of an indicator so people avoid booking holidays if they want to come.
Having said that I definitely wouldn’t attend both weddings- seems like a perfect way to annoy both couples and exhaust yourself. If you don’t want to go separately you need to pick one and stick with it and yes unless it’s your best friend, it seems like the relatives wedding is the more obvious choice. Annoying though !

Who's friend is it? It is someone where you both know the bride and groom / all met at the same time?

Personally if it was my friend and DHs cousin I'd go seperately. Yes he's your best friend and you want to spend every spare moment together but it's one day.

Done for whom?

If you came to my ceremony then left to go to someone else's reception if assume it was a tokenistoc gesture / our reception plans weren't good enough for you. If you didn't bother with the ceremony but came to the expensive bit, I'd think you were just there for the entertainment and food

You haven't had a full invite but you have had a thing asking you to keep that date free, so I think if you want to say to the relative that you've already got a commitment that day that that would be legitimate.

@HidingintheClothesPile It doesn’t please anyone to bail out of a wedding or join another one late. Who means most? Who do you know better? I’d probably say no to the relatives. Doing both is the worst of both worlds. Even DH bailing from the relatives wedding is a rude. Eat the meal and go? It’s pretty poor.

I'd go to the friends wedding and decline the invite for the cousins wedding. In the nicest possible way, they're not going to be overly concerned if an invited cousin and his wife decline, they won't be expecting every single invited person to accept.

I don’t think you should split the day or even talk to them about it. No one is going to say they aren’t okay with you faffing around but you’ll likely offend both of them. Whereas a polite decline can’t be offensive - particularly if you either tell the cousin you already said you’d go to the other wedding or tell your friends there’s a family wedding you can’t miss. I really think you should pick one and not talk to either of them about it - no need for any drama!

I think it's fine. I'd rather someone came to part of my wedding than not at all!

I think you should both decide which wedding is your personal priority and then attend that one, even if that means you attend your friend’s wedding and he attends his cousins.

Whilst it would be nice to go together attending bits of each wedding is likely just to annoy both couples and could come across very rudely.

You just pick one, it would normally be the first one you have accepted.

Is there any chance one of them will only be an evening invite, as if so just decline that one.

Have you replied positively to the save the date?

I don’t agree that it’s not a proper invite - traditionally invites are only sent out 6 weeks ahead, some people stick to that and obviously send their save the date much earlier. IMO it is meant to be taken as seriously as an invite!

I think you should stick with the first one. If it’s a close family member of DP’s though I’m sure the first B&G would understand if he goes to that instead, maybe joining you later. I don’t think the two of you should mix n match, especially you as it’s not your family member.

One friend and her BF came to our ceremony and reception and left early to attend the evening do of another wedding. These things happen when you are in your Four weddings era. I wasn't pissed off, I didn't think they thought the other do would be better or that they were using us for a free lunch. They were doing their best to be in two places at the same time.

A few years later I had to decline an invite I'd already given a verbal yes to on the strength of a save date as my little brother chose the same date. Some times you can't just say yeah sorry I won't be at my brother's wedding because my DHs friend has already booked the same date.

Go to one each.
It’s more your friend by the sound of it and his family
Not ideal but not a disaster
Of course one might not go ahead so you’ve hedged your bets!