AIBU to think I can do two weddings in one day?

[HidingintheClothesPile]

One of our close friends is getting married next year which me and DP are really excited about.

Had another wedding invite today from a family member (his side) they’re close family that he doesn’t see that often but still get on and go to each others family functions etc and the date is the same day as our friends wedding!

I’m a bit gutted about it because I was so looking forward to my good friend’s big day but we also can’t really miss a family wedding in good conscience. I don’t want to attend the weddings separately (not in a “me and DP are joined at the hip and I can’t function at events alone” kind of way, more a “he’s my best mate and we want to go out and have fun together” kind of way).

AIBU to think we could do both? They’re about a 40 minute drive from each other so not super close but also not ridiculously far apart so my thought is we could go to the family ceremony and our friend’s reception. Is that going to be a huge faffy rush about on the day? Is it bad wedding guest etiquette to do this? I don’t want to be rude to either, but also don’t want to miss either!

(On the bright side it means I’ve only got to buy one outfit I guess)

What is the actual relationship with the family member?

Go to the one where you're closest to the Bride and Groom.

Outside of immediate family and very close friends people don't really care if you go to their wedding. They're busy with other stuff, they're not worrying if a cousin they barely see turns down an invite. They'll just invite someone else to fill the space. Decline on of the invitations quickly and clearly so they can fill your seat.

Don't kid yourself that either party will be crying into their wedding breakfast that you weren't at the wedding!

I'd be really annoyed if one or both of you came to my ceremony and wedding breakfast (i.e. the expensive part of the wedding) and then left to go to an evening reception. Pick one or each of you go to separate weddings, don't make it awkward for the couples to have to pretend they are ok with you mixing and matching.

Well you surely have saved the date for them?
Decline the second one.

@minipie 6 weeks is very very late now. Most people need to get drinks and menus sorted and seating plans much earlier than that! DD sent hers out in May for responses by 1 July. Wedding and party both in November. Most people need numbers pretty early these days unless you are having burgers and chips at the pub for 20 guests.

I agree, that’s why people send a save the date much much earlier that is basically an invitation and asks for a response ! That’s what we did and a lot of our friends too… the postal invitation which went out much later was just a formality really (bit of a waste of money with hindsight like many wedding aspects!)

The OP was really looking forward to going to both weddings, she and her partner want to attend both weddings.

I agree both is rude. OP you said you’re a people pleaser so i get this feels hard but it really helped me when i learnt that being straightforward actually pleases people the most. Rushing about missing half of two weddings but leaving both parties to pay for you/ take up a place is likely to be the opposite of pleasing people.

Depending on your relationship with your friend I’d confirm that you’re invited to the service and not just the evening.

If you are go to that all in - you’ve rsvp’d
if wedding 2 is important to DH he should go solo.

Either way tell everyone asap

You may even be doing them a favour, plenty of cousins/ family & partners are obligatory invites tbh or at least or lovely to have but not priority. Frankly some of mine it would have been a relief for them to decline as I wouldn’t want them not to feel welcome, but it’s hard whittling down guest numbers.

I have a cousin who is always trying to fit multiple events into a day and thinks he’s doing it all and is just so cool and buys but frankly it’s just rude and annoys everyone.

You decline the second as you have prior plans. It’s totally fine to do that. If they really wanted you there they would have let you know the date well in advance of the invite coming in.

No, trying to cram two in will just result in a rushed day thats not respectful to either. If you have already accepted an invitation, then thats the one you should honour. Go to that event, have your mind and attention fully on that one, and be respectful of the fact that this is a huge event in the couple's lives. Insteda of sitting there watching the clock and trying to figure out when you can safely leave and race to the next one. As long as you decline in good time there is no offence given, particluarly if you explain you have already accpeted a conflicting invitation on the same date. Oooh and aaah over the pictures later and send a gift.

@bakingdisasterqueen Part time attendance is not really attending though is it. It’s cutting and running and then arriving late after the ceremony.