AIBU to consider downsizing our home to work less and home educate?

[PotentialPartTimer]

Has anyone majorly downsized their home to allow them to go very part-time and avoid nursery then possibly home educate? If so did you regret it?

We are a reasonably high earning couple DH on 55k me on 70k on a xompressed 4 day week but live in low cost of living area. Now DD is here and we want another I am becoming more and more certain I don't want them spending much time in nursery or school and would rather home ed (to head off the questioning I have a masters in Developmental Psychology, would be supported by my mother who is a recently retired maths and physics teacher and would ensure regular socialising opportunities).
We currently live in a gouse worth around 500k (but very little equity) and would be looking to drop to something around 250k which would allow me to drop to one say a week and potentially DH to 4. I don't want to fully quit as I have a very secure, flexible role and would like to maintain the ability to return to it if needed.

I guess my question is, if you have done something similar was it worth it? Would you recommend it or do you miss your old lifestyle?

You have very high earnings but not much equity in a £500k house. Where’s the money going?
Why do you want to keep your child out of school? Her ability to have friends will be radically reduced.
Where do you live ? What’s 250 k going to buy you?
I struggle to see who is going to benefit

No - I would wait until your DD is much nearer school age and then decide if it’s appropriate for her (rather than based on your own desire). There are plenty of positive things about schools and she may get a lot out of it. Taking £250k out of your house, presumably giving up your own income and also relying on your mum (it’s a massive long term ask of her too) doesn’t seem financially very prudent. Also I think it’s very natural to think we want to keep our kids away from these ‘big, bad’ institutions when they are tiny babies but things change as they get older and their peers are all off to school. Caveat I absolutely appreciate school is not right for SOME children in SOME circumstances but for the vast majority it is a good experience and you certainly should not be making this decision now,

What if your DD wants to go to school?What is your reason for home Ed?

Absolute madness! You'll become a low income family, unable to build any significant savings. You will rely on one pension building. You'll property will be low value.

All this just because you think your kids will significantly suffer from being educated in the state or private system rather than you? There are much more at risk of suffering growing up in a low income, low or no saving family.

Frankly, this sounds a bit mad.

With mortgage rates as they are, and little equity and needing to pay Stamp Duty and moving costs you may save very little with this.

I am not anti Home Ed and understand where the desire to keep your kids close comes from. But, staying home in a small and unsuitable house for days on end with few trips and treats, no car, no childcare etc for years would be my idea of a nightmare.

Children grow and become more expensive. Being able to pay for swimming lessons, Brownies, residentials, birthday parties, forest school, theatre trips, cinema visits etc becomes more of an issue as they get older.

We have a nice house and garden and I love my dc and enjoy learning with them. I would not have wanted to do it full time and I especially wouldn't have wanted to do it full time and living with serious financial concerns.

What are your plans for when they are older? How will you afford your retirement?

What do you feel you would be losing by sending them to school? You can follow a lot of Home Ed principles while still working and utilising education and childcare.

You have very high earnings but not much equity in a £500k house. Where’s the money going?

Isn't that self-evident?!

Masters in psychology is neither here nor there. I have a similar qualification and nearly lost the plot home schooling in covid.

Why do you think your kids need to be home educated? Wouldn’t you want them to at least try school first before you decide whether it’s suitable? They’d miss out on so much.

No, that sounds completely mad. You won't retain your earning potential working one day a week, and what about your pension?

What is it you don't like about nursery and school? Have you any recent experience of them? Have you any experience in teaching young children?

You’re in the wrong place to look for support for home education, people here thinks it’s the same as locking your child in a cage as opposed to wanting to be a bigger part of their lives and enjoy life together.

Just removed my child from secondary as it is just as bad as you imagine.

Trust your gut and don’t be guided by people who have no idea what home education is about. Time with your child is far more important than material possessions and childhood goes past way too quickly.

It sounds very reckless. Your baby won't be a baby for long. She will almost certainly benefit from nursery and school.

You might like the idea of Home Ed but your DD might not. She might prefer having lots of little friends to play with.

it is extremely area dependent but the housing market at the moment does make me ask where your view that your house is worth £500k comes from - there are definitely places where value has held up and it’s a better price band for that but have a good look at house prices.io.

This is a really silly answer.

Assuming anyone who points out the downsides is a hater is a really immature approach to sounding out a decision.

Regardless of whether or not Home Ed is the desired path here, the OP sounds financially precarious and unrealistic about money.

Anyone planning to make themselves financially dependent, reduce their earnings both now and forevermore, move to smaller accommodation on the basis of cost and damage their retirement security needs to think very very hard about what they are doing and why.

It sounds like you’ve over extended on your mortgage and want to escape from life. Why? Why did you buy such a big home if maintaining it is stopping you do what you want? Most of your problems will follow you wherever you go.

Trust your gut and don’t be guided by people who have no idea what home education is about
The responses would likely be different if OP had posted that her husband earned £200k and she had £500k in savings.

The main concern is that she is considering putting herself in a very precarious financial situation to prioritise something that is not absolutely essential.

We home educate. We sent ours to nursery as it was very play based which was our main reasoning for keeping them out of school (based on Finland's model, we'd prefer formal schooling to start at 7). So if you research the local nurseries, their ethos, speak to parents who send their kids to them, maybe you'll find one you like. Our kids have made many friends who are now at school and we also have friends in the home ed community. I was able to continue working 4 days a week. Now we split childcare between us and local school age provisions such as forest school. We are reviewing whether school is appropriate for them on a regular basis. I have two close friends who are primary teachers and they completely understand our perspective. For us home education brings the benefits of a tailored education at a fraction of the price of private school.

Note to pp, homeschooling (replicating school at home, same tasks, structure etc) is vastly different to home education where children can draw on a wider range of experiences, people and places to learn the curriculum.

Depends really. Financial considerations aside. Would you be downsizing to a still spacious house that has room for personal space for everyone and an dedicated educational space, or a house where you'd be constantly sharing all space for both personal and educational use.

Financially a bad decision short term. Also longer term pension contributions.

I’m at the other end of this journey - my children are now 25, 21 and 18. I didn’t work for a long time when they were younger. I’m now late 50’s with a sodding great mortgage and very little pension.

Dont do it.

Why are you anti school?
They aren't the work of the devil, children benefit greatly from meeting people from different social circles and upbringing.

I would downsize if you are struggling with the mortgage but I would not home educate your daughter.

It is better for her to be with other kids.

Mumsnet is very black and white sometimes and always seems to put making money first.

I don't think it is a bad idea for a mum who wants another child to make more time for raising them and work part-time.

Many women choose to do this.

I’d also love to know the reason to already be convinced they shouldn’t be in mainstream education of any sort!

I think the lifestyle impact would be extreme.

All you say is true but your child needs to be able to function in the real world. Taking them to Brownies/Guides once a week can’t replace school where they learn vital social skills and how to interact with adults too. You’re still in their lives as a parent. You can choose the school they attend. You cannot keep on top of every STEM subject and the ever changing curriculum. Nor moderate their achievement accurately in every specialism.
Also consider your pension contributions. It’s not a bright forecast for any of you.

How old is dd?
She might not want to home ed. Lots of kids love school. Why not private school or spend money on a nanny or tutors? Or lovely long holidays.
Moving to a cheaper house might be a worse area with a worse school so then you won't even have the option?

If she's young you will be making a lifelong decision based on the hormonal want to protect and keep kids at home - normal - but not right for all kids.
I have a masters in ed psych too but now work with youth instead of my prev roles. Still wouldn't home ed , especially as my area is not that popular and doesn't have a huge home ed community. Would be a disservice

Is your employer going to let you work one day a week? It seems impracticable.

Why not let your child try school.