AIBU to consider downsizing our home to work less and home educate?

[PotentialPartTimer]

Has anyone majorly downsized their home to allow them to go very part-time and avoid nursery then possibly home educate? If so did you regret it?

We are a reasonably high earning couple DH on 55k me on 70k on a xompressed 4 day week but live in low cost of living area. Now DD is here and we want another I am becoming more and more certain I don't want them spending much time in nursery or school and would rather home ed (to head off the questioning I have a masters in Developmental Psychology, would be supported by my mother who is a recently retired maths and physics teacher and would ensure regular socialising opportunities).
We currently live in a gouse worth around 500k (but very little equity) and would be looking to drop to something around 250k which would allow me to drop to one say a week and potentially DH to 4. I don't want to fully quit as I have a very secure, flexible role and would like to maintain the ability to return to it if needed.

I guess my question is, if you have done something similar was it worth it? Would you recommend it or do you miss your old lifestyle?

People on here are fairly anti home Ed. They don’t know much about it so you’ll get lots of negative reactions. I’ve done it and don’t regret if for a moment. Neither do my DC. Sounds like you’ve got great options with work and flexibility. I’d go for it.

I think downsizing and being able to work part-time sounds like a great idea. I'm not sure about the home education part - why not give school a go and see how DD gets on? Primary school is really quite gentle IME and they get out at 3-3.30 which leaves you a lot of the day. I was interested to see that you were planning to send DC to secondary school. My experience and that of most people I know is that unless you can afford private or to move to the catchment of a rarified state school, secondary school is a pretty harsh environment. So I wouldn't assume that a home-educated child will be able to make a smooth transition. Even kids who are used to school can find secondary a shock to the system.

What would you do if your DC want to go to school?

It sounds lovely to have that much time with your child, but I don't think anyone can crystal ball what will be best. Some people have a lovely time at school and make many friends, other have an awful time/get bullied and fall in with a bad crowd. I moved around, but I wouldn't say my life-long friends were school mates, as in I keep in contact with some, but don't see them regularly. But some people do, so there's no right or wrong answer.
I'd have liked to work much less and only have them in nursery/school very part-time when they were smaller. Wasn't a possibility for me, but if something like that is for you, consider it and you can see what you think works well-more time at home with you, or more time out.

We didn't really downsize as such, but I did stay home mainly so I could be with the kids and home educate. So we went without an income I could have brought in. I did do some home childcare and the odd but of very pt work in those years.

Eventually I did have to go back to work and the kids to public school, and that's something I have regretted enormously. My oldest did pretty well having been home educated for the majority of years, the two middle kids who had a good foundation in reading, writing, and math have done great to fine academically, but the school environment was bad, especially in the middle years. The youngest who was in public school from the beginning notably did not learn the basics of reading, writing, and math at school, I still had to do it at home. As for other school subjects, the content is less than stellar.

If I had the money I would absolutely stay home with her. We're seriously thinking of having her dad teach her when he retires in two years. At least that will avoid the toxic middle school.

Why did you buy what is presumably such a big property to begin with? Given it's twice the price of a 3 bed house AND a doer upper?

There must have been a good reason.

Why is that reason no longer important to you?

Are you sure you wouldn't get bored of being at home or frustrated at work only doing 1 day per week?

Who would look after DC if they were unwell, would you be able to miss that one day for example or would it cause issues? (Toddlers get ill a lot)

If DC decided when they time comes they wanted to go to school (which does happen and IMO children should be given a choice), and you had downsized purely because of this, how would you feel?

Agree entirely! Nursery and school is so important for a child's development.

I think you’d be crazy to do that. Your 30s and 40s are prime time for building wealth that will set you up for life. You won’t want to be making up for lost time when you’re in your 50s burnt out and knackered. Far better to work hard now, while you have the energy, and wind down as you get older.

If you said you’d be mortgage free I’d understand it but dropping your income while you have little equity in your current home hence will still have substantial mortgage is a bit … unwise

you can expect that COL will continue to rise and that interest rates will not be going down, you shouldn’t put yourself in a financially precarious position.
if you had 500k in equity or savings my response would be different but now…

I know several people who started out as home schooling families and then became schooling families within the first few years of primary school. The reality is that it's often harder to get children to consistently behave for you when you're mother, teacher and all other roles, and you don't end up getting a break. If the children end up having vastly different needs that makes teaching two harder, but you're wanting to keep a toe in at work so you can always go back. I'd just caution against making being a homeschooler your whole personality or speaking sanctimoniously towards others who do continue to work more than you choose to. It will lose you friends, and the mum I know who was most like that ended up too stressed with two neurotypical children to continue past the first's would-be first term in reception. I've also been there myself with male colleagues telling me how they decided their wives would not work until their child reached school age, knowing that I was working, albeit part time, with children who were pre-school age. Do what's right for you but (I assume based on the degree you will anyway) be careful not to come across as judgemental of those who don't follow the same journey.

That’s exactly how we felt. 5 days was too much. We tried school for a couple of years and my son was exhausted and burnt out so we changed to this arrangement and it’s been a million times better for everyone.

It has impacted my lifestyle so positively. Before, I was at work, I would come home and deal with shouty, stressed kids and then have no energy to do anything. Now, I have a happier child and have the energy in the evenings to do things for myself as well. We have less money to put into savings each month and have to plan more carefully, but we do a lot of free stuff and haven’t felt like we’re missing out. To be honest, we do more now because we’re not cramming family time into 1 hour an evening and 2 days at the weekend.

In terms of pension, yes it is something to think about. Although I’m earning less now, I’m making higher pension contributions because I was concerned about it. So I see even less of my income but have made my pension contributions the same as when I was full time.

To be honest, it would be really hard to do if it was a single-income household, but my husband works 4.5 days and we don’t separate money, we pool our income together and plan carefully where it’s going.

I totally understand why you would want to do this and your explanation of circumstances makes it a fair argument. After COVID and especially after in your case have a life altering experience with your pregnancy jumping on the hamster wheel and really going for it isn't necessarily the best route for your own family.

If you can't throw money at everything like childcare/after school clubs etc feeling like you need to invest time into your family for a better return than into your career should be allowed.
At least you can keep your career going. I think you should go with your heart because it won't take much to switch things around if you need to up the finances.
Not paying the nursery costs etc would probably benefit you right now get yourselves sorted and see how it goes it doesn't have to be set in stone. At least you have support from your mum.
As for home ed just go with the flow . Each child is different. When the time comes give it a go. Staying at home for the early years if you are offering a stimulating environment will not negatively impact your child. You can decide as you go along it's not really a big deal.
Where you are right now isn't working for you how you planned it so you are just taking control and making life work for your new circumstances.
Home educating can be really positive there are some good podcasts you can listen to where people share their experiences and reasons which may resonate with you. Worth a listen I think HEFA is one.
Don't be put off without trying things for yourself.

Would I recommend it, no chance. If I could afford to, I would look to spend the money instead on more opportunities for my DC. Or even save to ensure that they could afford a house of their own when they are grown up.

What you are really asking is should you home educate your children. Absolutely not. There is no amount of "socialising" opportunities you can give your children that will make up for an early years education. Have a qualification in developmental physchology should tell you that.

Secondary school "just as bad as you imagine". What is that supposed to mean? Probably you kid was a pain in the a* and you have blamed the school.

It is ultimately up to you what will work best for your family. I applaud you for considering your options so thoroughly and creatively.

Not quite the same situation, but I’ve never regretted deciding to stay in our first home rather than move to a bigger home so I could be a SAHM. I’ve had to make some cutbacks, eg I knew it would no longer be feasible to travel abroad 3 times a year and pay for various beauty treatments, but I haven’t missed it. The time I’ve gained with my young children has been priceless.

I don’t home educate, but I admire those who do if that is in the best interests of their children. Mine are both happy at school, but if for any reason we didn’t have access to a good local primary school or there was a reason that this was no longer working out, then yeah, home educating would be on the table for me. My children come first, always. We work round them.

Having choices and options is great, wishing you well with deciding what’s best for your family 💐

In general I think taking time out to be with your children is a Very Good Thing. Sounds like you are approaching this in a very all-or-nothing way, though. Could you each do 3 days a week? I do think one day a week will be difficult to maintain at such a high level of pay. It might be worth checking what you will actually bring home at 3/5 of the salary too as it may feel more achievable than you think. For example a person earning £70k and paying 5% pension might bring home £4260pcm and if they reduced to £42k (3 days) would still bring home £2800.

Downsizing sound like a good idea too but more something to plan in the medium term. Perhaps focus on paying down the mortgage as much as you can. I live in a cheapish area and £250k would still buy a lovely 3-bed house with a garden in a good location.

In short I think you have to give this due consideration and consider all the resources you and DH can throw into the pot to make life better. By resources I mean time, money, family support, everything.

You can always make more money you can’t turn back time.

Seeing a lot of teachers leaving the profession to home educate their children.

This is a fair question. We bought the house because of the amazing NT style garden. Up until we moved I used my whole day off and part of the weekend down our allotment. But I am no longer able to keep up with the garden post-pregnancy. I am very sad about it actually.

Just another voice saying that a) my children love school, both primary and secondary, so don’t write it off. Not every school is the same and certainly where I live the vast vast majority of children are happy and thriving in mainstream education and b) think very very carefully about your long term financial
position because children get soooo expensive as they get older, especially if they take up hobbies that they are very good at. A child doing elite level sport or music easily costs as much money as an extra mortgage per month, and I’d hate to have to limit my child’s opportunities due to cost, especially if I’d deliberately chosen to lower my income.

We have ended up in elective home education unexpectedly for at least the next couple of years due to severe ebsa and MH problems, and I have had to give up my professional work to care full time for my now disabled children. Thankfully we are in a situation where we can manage it financially. We are open to getting kids back to school if they want to but will need EHCP and specialist settings so it will take time to sort. Actually I feel very positive and despite having a very traditional academic background myself, I can see many benefits of a different way of learning. I have found the Facebook group HEFA UK invaluable for guidance on legal aspects, practical aspects and general support- maybe join and post there as I expect you will get the answers you need to help you make your decision without the debates about home education itself you’re getting on here.

I’m sorry your health conditions have affected your home plans. It is natural that it will also lead to a wider reconsideration of life choices. The great thing is that you have plenty of time and it is not an irreversible decision!

"Highly unlikely to thrive" at primary school is such a massive, massive presumption from someone who knows zero about the child. The vast majority of children absolutely do thrive at primary school which surely you know because presumably you weren't a terrible teacher with year after year of non-thriving children?

Home education has it's place absolutely but the two home schooling families in my friend group both have other children at school as they understand that different children have different needs. If this child has just been born then nobody knows what is best for it.

I’m not so sure having a masters in developmental psychology, equips you to be able to home school and teach a range of different subjects? Or perhaps you have a PGCE/BEd? Your choice though and you will know your kids best.

With your health are you definitely up to homeschooling? I don't think it is the easy option. Would it be worth trying school for a year or so and seeing how it goes. Not many schools will agree to flexible timetabling as it doesn't work very well and leads to massive gaps in learning.