Is the dog invited?

[DoggyAuntie]

My husband's brother and his wife are coming to stay with us this weekend, on their way back home from their holiday further north. All good. They live in a big house with a garden whereas we live in a smaller house with a back yard but we can cope for a couple of days.

This afternoon, I looked at my sister-in-law's Instagram. She has posted photos of herself and her husband on holiday - with her dog!

I have not invited the dog. The dog had not been mentioned. I do not want the dog in my house.

My husband has said it's just one of those things. I feel they are being insufferably rude to expect me to welcome the dog into my home without even asking.

Am I being unreasonable?

They aren’t. It’s easy to love something that doesn’t have their own opinions, can’t argue with you etc. If you relate to a dog more than a human something is going on, it’s not healthy.

I was absolutely in your side until I saw some of your responses - you actually seem a bit rude yourself. I think you BIL and SIL have been a bit thoughtless, yes. But not rude, it was probably just a miscommunication - they may well think that you're aware of the dog, especially if they usually take it on their UK getaways. It's easily done, and instead of huffing and puffing about them how about you pick up the phone and clarify the expectations for their visit? 100% fine to ask them to kennel the dog, perhaps ask local friends with dogs for recommendations if you want to be thoughtful and kind. I'd be mortified if I were your BIL and SIL and thought you were aware of the dog, then realised I'd made a mistake and would be extremely apologetic. Don't just assume they're taking the piss - mistakes happen.

If the dog had it's own opinions it would get together with all the other dogs, make a plot to enslave or eat the humans, etc

That’s fair enough 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP you are not being unreasonable at all. I would feel the exact same way if my relatives showed up with a dog in tow without asking beforehand whether the dog was welcome. If they had stayed at your house once before with the dog (with your permission), and this was their second visit, then I could see how they may have assumed that the second time would be ok too without asking you again. But it sounds like this is not the case. If they were coming with a more "tame" pet like a rabbit in a cage, it still would not be ok to do so without asking your permission first. Pets are great but there can be lots of issues (cleanliness/hygiene, allergies, etc.) that anyone has the right to be uncomfortable/unwilling to deal with, especially without any prior notice.

If your brother-in-law and his wife are indeed planning to show up with the dog at your house, they are absolutely to blame and you have every right to insist that the dog is not welcome. They will be unhappy with you, but you need to be strict with your own boundaries and not let them take advantage of you like this. If you cave in and allow this intrusion once, they will repeat such unacceptable behaviour in other ways in the future. And the people on this thread insisting that a dog is a family member just like a human child are utterly mad.

True, but you could use the gist and say rearrange for another time they are able to visit and don’t have the dog with them. Maybe suggest meeting at a national trust venue on their way past this time.

@SirenScream DH and I discussed what our dog would do if we were unable to look after him or even died - and have concluded that he'd abandon us to find new humans to look after him and/or eat us. 😂

Aiui, they tend to eat the face first, I guess they start licking the face and then get carried away.

Noooo do they really eat their dead owners?

I have a two dogs one very much a lap dog but I would NEVER take him to anyone's house unless they insisted (beyond a casual polite invitation)

Our dogs are terratorial and I have a relative who insists on brining their dog to our home (often crowded busy times like Christmas)

It is SO RUDE. It causes so much stress and difficulty for our dogs and cats. Get a house/dog sitter before you enter other people's homes or DO NOT VISIT.

Height of bad manners in my opinion yet some people brazenly take their pets to others houses assuming they should be welcomed. NO!!!

of course, they are carnivores, the owner is made of meat

I like dogs. I have my own. I love her.
I wouldn’t want any visiting friends or relatives to bring their dog to stay at my house though. The only dog I want in my house is my own.

My boy loves it when friends bring their dogs over. He has someone to play with

My dog would probably like it too.
I wouldn’t though.

A dog is not capable of loving you. It identifies you as its source of food

Your husband needs to tell them
the dog is not invited.
We never allow dogs in our house, it seems that recently however one has to spell this out rather than it being a given. Happily we have a cat so people are usually understanding.

I don't know anyone who would get a dog & then not bring it in a holiday they were going on in the same country. Why would you get a dog in the first place?

Plenty of people leave them in kennels or looked after by someone else. I know some of them. Taking a dog on holiday can be quite stressful or so I'm told.

This is all on DH, we know our family dynamics. If I was on a UK holiday my sisters would know I had the dog with me and they would rightly assume it would be staying at their house.
if I had been visiting my ex ILs I would not even suggest staying if I had the dog because they are not pet people and it would be really inappropriate. My mum would always assume dogs were coming, it would not even cross my ex MILs mind and I would be incredibly rude to take my dog to her house, I wouldn’t even ask

Yeah, we never take our dog on holiday in the UK. When we go on holiday we like to eat out in nice restaurants etc, and there’s no point taking the dog just to leave her in the holiday accommodation. Also a lot of beaches/attractions/museums etc don’t allow dogs.
She goes to my dad’s house instead.

@CreamSecond Plus some dogs don't like travelling. Ours doesn't so he holidays at our pet sitters' house.

Very sensible - it’s absolutely fine to love your dog…as a dog!

Meany lol

PS to anyone reading this thread thinking "my dog is different my friends/relatives don't mind me brining my dog"

THEY DO THEY ARE JUST BEING POLITE IN 99% OF CASES

Absolute crap. Dogs absolutely do love. Not in the way we understand. But it’s love nonetheless

Just phone them and check. 🤷‍♀️