Is the dog invited?

[DoggyAuntie]

My husband's brother and his wife are coming to stay with us this weekend, on their way back home from their holiday further north. All good. They live in a big house with a garden whereas we live in a smaller house with a back yard but we can cope for a couple of days.

This afternoon, I looked at my sister-in-law's Instagram. She has posted photos of herself and her husband on holiday - with her dog!

I have not invited the dog. The dog had not been mentioned. I do not want the dog in my house.

My husband has said it's just one of those things. I feel they are being insufferably rude to expect me to welcome the dog into my home without even asking.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP, you are more flexible than me. I would not have dogs in my house. You could refuse politely and would not be in the wrong.

I wouldn't mind but I really like dogs. Some people don't but it would be good to mention!

No, YANBU. My lot are very important to me, they come on UK holidays with us but I wouldn’t dream of taking them to someone’s house without them being specifically invited. I’m astonished that they seem to be arriving with the dog and no prior discussion.

My bil invites our 2 and has dog sat ours for a night. Equally, his (same breed) is welcome at ours, but we’re set up for dogs. I can’t imagine just turning up with the expectation that they’d be staying. Bonkers.

👏👏👏

If you invited them on their way home from a weekend away/holiday, then to not enquire if they would have their dog with them was an oversight. In this scenario, they obviously don't have access to a familiar sitter or anywhere they can leave their dog. Yes, they also could have made it clear that they would have their dog with them, but it sounds as if you have kept your issue with dogs in your house to yourself. As your husband says, it's just one of those things. You are making a mountain out of a molehill.

Wow, zero to proper batshit, the MN crazy is strong in this thread.
I would contact them myself and ask where the dog is going to be while they are staying at my house. I can’t imaging people blithely assuming that the dog was invited, but I do think pp might be correct that your DH knew more than he claims.

Holy moley OP, you really couldn't be LESS gracious or selfless could you?

Saying that you'd expect your in-laws (whom you presumably know well) to specify that they have their little dog with them before you'd want to have them visit, and being 'angry' that they didn't?

You're angry, that your 'invitation' was accepted without caveats of 'no dogs' ever mentioned, intimated or even hinted at, and you presumed that they would 'know' that their dog wasn't welcome somehow?

When you invite others to your home, do you say 'I'd love you to come and visit for 2 days, but I don't want any filthy, drooling, disgusting dogs in my home, so be sure to leave them at home?

The disgust you've shown towards 'pets' is obviously something you hide from your own family ffs! No doubt because you know, full well, that your 'opinions' on pets would go down like a lead fucking balloon with your family!

So you're hiding your feelings, lying to their faces and seething instead.

Yeah, you're a real 'family' gal! They don't even know who you are ffs!

Maybe try being honest for once? Maybe try actually talking about your feelings towards 'pets'? Otherwise, be prepared to seethe, silently, and continue lying through your teeth to your family...

For me, the etiquette of this depends on who did the inviting. If you knew they were on holiday and said "drop in on your way home" it was up to you to check who was in the party - dog included. But if they said, "if you're home we'll drop in and see you", it was up to them to check it was ok to bring the dog.

I think this proves that this thread has nothing to do with liking or not liking dogs, and everything to do with the rude assumption that everyone's dog is welcome everywhere, without asking.

Absolutely this. Any updates, OP? Apologies if I've missed something

😂thanks op. I have enjoyed some of your exchanges with the "fur baby" brigade. You will not win against those who believe a dog is more than a dog.😂
Let us know if the "uninvited" show up x

I think maybe there have been assumptions on both sides though. OP knows they have a dog and has assumed that even though they are holidaying in the UK, the dog won’t be with them. And for their part, they may have assumed that it’s obvious they have the dog.

Tell them that then.

of course - but they keep asking as if the answer will have somehow changed

Just look it up in the dictionary.

I have a dog and would never assume that if I were going to stay with someone my dog would go too unless they had clearly told me to bring my dog,

I must say though that the dog haters on this thread are hilarious. Not ALL dogs slobber. In fact the vast majority do not. Not ALL dogs moult. Quite a few breeds do not. Not ALL dogs roll in smelly things. My dog never has although some previous dogs have. This one will not even walk through a small puddle!

My dog IS FAMILY and I don't care what you think of that

It would be simple courtesy for them to text and say ‘we’ve got the dog with us, is that ok?’. I would never just assume. We have dogs. We love them. I don’t expect everyone else to think of them like our family. My sister and her husband for example, are not dog people. I always arrange for my dogs to be looked after if we are visiting them.

I think OP, it would also be fine for you to text and say ‘sorry, I gather your dog is with you. Can we reschedule your visit?’. Or something like that.

I think ‘us dog people’ are wondering why, knowing they have a dog and were holidaying in the UK - and especially since your update that they were only away for a couple of days - you assumed the dog wouldn’t be with them and didn’t think to ask. Do they actually know from past experience that the dog is a problem for you ?

Not necessarily; depending on whether their holiday accommodation accepts dogs they might well have kennelled it during a UK break too

Since they were rude enough not even to have checked if the dog would be welcome, surely the obvious answer is for OP/DH to say they'll look forward to seeing their visitors another time instead

But it’s your brother in law. Still pertinent

Because if you are not a dog person this isn’t a normal thing to do and wouldn’t even enter into your thinking!

As ever the comments are completely polarised. My view is my house my rules. To be honest if you were taking small children to someone's house you need to say so in advance because people will need to take away all the things that can be knocked over and potentially block off access to stairs etc.

And you'd probably need to do the same for a dog, so why on earth would you not say "oh we'll have the dog with us, is that ok". And if it's not ok, accept it and move on. Stay in a hotel and meet up for lunch or breakfast or something instead.

I wouldn't assume that people were taking their dogs on holiday - there are places you might want to visit that don't allow them. You wouldn't for example be able to go to the theatre or a concert with dog in tow.

I'm with you OP. There is NO WAY that I would allow a dog inside my house. Never have, never will (and I was raised on a farm!).

This happened to my mum a few years ago - my cousin was passing and called to ask if they could drop in. And then arrived with dog in tow. My mum has a reasonably sized garden so said it could go in there but said not in house. But they were only dropping in for a couple of hours.

I agree if all dog owners were considerate there would be very few dog threads on MN. The reason people don't like dogs is because some owners make no effort to train them, think it's fine for them to bark all night or jump up at people - or go into a pet-free home without asking (or the person may have pets (could be a dog, could be a cat, could be a capybara!) themselves who they don't want upset by someone else's dog).

I'm with you, but if they had asked if it was O.K. to bring dog with them, would you have been able to say no, I am never able to.

But why should OP have a dog in her house when she doesn't want a dog in her house? Fuck that.

One of my SILs won't come to visit unless she can bring her dog. Which I'm never going to allow because said dog is large, reactive, and mostly untrained and we have cats and chickens. But even if we didn't, I don't want someone else's dog in my house.