Is the dog invited?

[DoggyAuntie]

My husband's brother and his wife are coming to stay with us this weekend, on their way back home from their holiday further north. All good. They live in a big house with a garden whereas we live in a smaller house with a back yard but we can cope for a couple of days.

This afternoon, I looked at my sister-in-law's Instagram. She has posted photos of herself and her husband on holiday - with her dog!

I have not invited the dog. The dog had not been mentioned. I do not want the dog in my house.

My husband has said it's just one of those things. I feel they are being insufferably rude to expect me to welcome the dog into my home without even asking.

Am I being unreasonable?

I have human beings with whom I interact, so I don't need a dog.

NRTFT, dog owner of many years' standing.

I'd never take a dog on a visit without checking with the hosts first. Not even for a cup of tea, never mind overnight.

In your situation, provided the dog was reasonably well-behaved, I'd suck it up this time to keep the peace, but make sure that they understand the dog won't be staying with you again.

You dog people really don't understand the lives of us humans, do you...
I found that comment rude and unnecessary, though. I am very much a dog person, having lived with dogs for most of my life, but I do appreciate that a lot of people don't.

Oh the entitlement of dog owners on this thread. And yes I used to have one. A lot of us don't want dogs in our houses and no they are not 'family'. If you want to think that in your own house crack on but my house my rules. Good luck OP

Shots fired.

Eta: I don't have a dog but I think you're harsh. And wrong.

You need to make their fur baby welcome, OP - he/she is part of the family. Can you stock up on some nice dog treats ahead of their visit? @DoggyAuntie

And how does it affect you that many people don’t think they are family? Why have you been getting so upset and sweary about it all?

Absolutely not. If I had a dog, I know I would love it. And I know he / she would be part of my family. But it is NOT the same thing as having a human family. You cannot assume it’s ok to bring a dog to someone else’s home. It’s obvious. This thread is crazy.

@XenoBitch it affects us because we end up being asked to accommodate ridiculous requests! I have posted a thread about it already but BIL and his partner expect my DH and I to accommodate their dog when we are allergic and soon to have a baby! It’s a nonsense.

Next time I get invited anywhere, i will naturally assume my cat is included in the invitation. Surely no one will mind if a pop a litter tray in the kitchen, will they?

Who else thinks that OP’s DH had a chat with his brother, brother mentioned they’d have the dog with them for the visit, OP’s DH said “that’s fine” (because it’s his house and he’s fine with it)

But now OP’s DH doesn’t have the balls to tell his wife it was him that agreed to the dog coming? 😂

Why do they expect that though ? Surely ‘no’ is a complete sentence.

OP: my advice:
Listen to people’s helpful suggestions without reacting to the irrelevant mistake about whose brother he is.
Listen to people’s offered suggestions without reacting to the word ‘pre-empt’ knowing you have freedom to choose less formal language.
Listen to people’s suggestions about how his may have come about (could your DH have been given a heads up that he missed or didn’t think was important?)
Think about what is most important. If it is A fun visit (despite dog), and long term relationship etc prepare yourself to actually be accepting that at this stage the dog is a given. Be nice, not in grudging ‘suck it up’ mode. Take mitigating steps, ask that the dog is not on the sofa, or put out a throw. And remember that in future it will need to be explicitly stated that it is a dog free invitation.

Husband's brother, not hers.
Read the thread.

I would put a fair amount of money on this being the case .....

Fur baby.😂

You would think it is yes! We have said no so many times and yet periodically they like to try and ask again to see if the answer has changed!

Please for their sake, message them and tell them not to come with their dog. They will have a much more pleasant time not in your presence :)

I think clearly the lack of communication here is the issue. They are on holiday (dog in tow) and popping to see you on route home. I think you can safely assume dog is included in the visit. Your options are accept this or not. However, this may impact the relationship and stop some future visits. Given your prickly and aggressive tone in this post I am not sure they would consider that a bad thing. I certainly wouldn’t want to visit you.

I am a dog person and I am totally with you.

For other posters - I do go on holiday in this country without my dog sometimes.

I would never assume my dog is welcome in someone else's home. Even for half an hour let alone staying over.

I would decline the invite and even if they said the dog was welcome I wouldn't inflict him on their home because he wees in places he is unfamiliar with.

I think it was rude of them to assume and I don't think it's on you @DoggyAuntie to have assumed they would bring the dog.

Have they come to your house before, and if yes, presumably they were dogless.

I don’t know why you are getting so much grief. I would have thought it basic manners if someone wanted to bring a dog they would ask if it’s ok.

and I don’t know why anyone thinks you should have assumed the dog coming was a given.

personally I would make up an excuse to cancel the weekend

i agree with branleas below - I would doubt check with your hubby if they did ask …

I have dogs OP and I think it's kinda rude if they've brought a dog without checking you're OK with it.
I think there's a fair chance they asked your husband who has told them it was OK and that he would deal with it.

Why can’t more owners be like you?!

Then you simply don’t agree to do
it surely??

If all dog owners were more like you, there would not be half as many dog threads on MN.

They should have asked, they didn't, either accept them and their dog or tell them as kindly as you can manage that they're welcome but the dog can't come.

Whichever you do, you're setting the precedent for future visits.