Is the dog invited?

[DoggyAuntie]

My husband's brother and his wife are coming to stay with us this weekend, on their way back home from their holiday further north. All good. They live in a big house with a garden whereas we live in a smaller house with a back yard but we can cope for a couple of days.

This afternoon, I looked at my sister-in-law's Instagram. She has posted photos of herself and her husband on holiday - with her dog!

I have not invited the dog. The dog had not been mentioned. I do not want the dog in my house.

My husband has said it's just one of those things. I feel they are being insufferably rude to expect me to welcome the dog into my home without even asking.

Am I being unreasonable?

What sort of holiday have they just done? If it was an outdoorsy cottage type holiday I would have assumed they'd have the dog with them

Same here. My dog is great, and will sit quietly and accept tummy rubs, but I’d always ask if it was ok to bring him to someone else’s house.
One of my friends came round to work with me on a project and brought her TWO dogs, so I had to manage the dogs’ interaction instead of doing what we were supposed to do.
Let us know how it goes, OP.

Were they invited to stay with you before they left on their trip? When did you see the Instagram pictures of their holiday that included the dog? Just wondering if your SIL assumed you knew they had the dog with them because they’d posted updates on social media.

I am very much a dog person but would never think to take my dog to someone's home even for a brief visit without asking if it was convenient, and if it were a no-shoes-carpeted home, I wouldn't ask at all as I would assume it would be an inconvenience/annoyance.

Would you refuse to allow a child to bring its teddy?
Would great auntie have to leave her house plant at home if she visited you?
I expect the dog will bring its own bed to sleep in. It may even have a crate.

OP, who issued the invitation, you or your DH? Was it a phone conversation?
You are adamant that BIL and SIL are being very rude but it may well be that it was clear from the off that they had the dig, or they implied it, but your DH did not pick up on it because he is not bothered about the dog.

It’s awkward. My preference would be not to have dogs staying, but this is likely a miscommunication, mis understanding or mistaken assumption rather than outright rudeness.

So try not to let it cause tension or resentment.

Well either you tell them how dreadful you think they are to bring their dog uninvited, or you suck it up.

Ah, the simple solution then is for you to invite the dog. Then it won’t be uninvited.

What a rude response. She read your thread and just got confused with your relation. Very shirty OP. Insufferably so.

OP if you knew they had a dog why didn’t you ask if the dog was with them before agreeing to the visit ? If they were holidaying in the UK then it was a distinct possibility the dog would be with them. I don’t see that this is fixable unless you tell them not to come. What do you expect them to do with the dog at such short notice ?

I am a dog owner.
We take the dog on all staycation holidays apart from if it's a city break e.g. London.

Where were your family members holidaying?
Was it somewhere like the Lake District, a country cottage or a beach holiday? Somewhere with access to nice walks?

If this is the case, I would say it was naive of you that they wouldn't take the dog.
They should have said, 'thanks for the invite, we will have the dog with us', at which point you could have made your feelings clear or put in mitigations.

TBH for me it's about the actual dog. Some I would make sure they wouldn't go any further into my house than the kitchen, others, I would let them have free rein. Although not upstairs, even my dog isn't allowed upstairs

Definitely. If you only have a back yard and not a big garden there won’t be room for them all. 😆

Agree with this.

OP If you're just posting so you can be rude to people that says enough about you that I hope the dog shits on your bed.

Honestly though, if I knew someone with a dog was going to call in on their way back from an outdoorsy holiday, i would hope I'm intelligent enough to assume their dog will be with them.

I have friends with dogs, if they're more than an hour from home, I assume their dog is with them. Common sense

She said earlier it was a city break.

I dont have a problem with people visiting my house with dogs, but do expect to have some advance warning and not just turn up so that I can make arrangements for my cats.

My brother has a small yappy shit of a dog that he brought to stay without warning and it attacked my elderly rescue cat. At the very least, I would expect to be told that the dog is coming and how the dog’s owner plans to manage it (and no, free range of the house and garden isn’t an option).

I thought you were being reasonable, after all your family members didn't mention they had the dog, nor did they mention any arrangements required for the dog whilst staying in your house.
Your snarky response to this is unnecessary and I wonder if they'd mentioned the dog to your other half and he didn't mention it to you because he couldn't be arsed with your theatrics.

I absolutely bet this is what happened!

Well then, there's your answer.

You clearly value their company over your annoyance about the dog, so it's decided. Make your peace with it and enjoy their visit.

I agree. Heh. Made me laugh.

Crows have comparable intelligence to a seven year old. And yet people dislike them for some reason or find them scary. Considering I've never read about them killing anyone (compared to news stories about dogs) I don't know why.

And no, I wouldn't have a sodding dog in my house. I've visited my friend who has a chocolate Labrador, but she's sensible and wouldn't foist her dog on me in my house.

I have two dogs and the older I get, the more I prefer animals to humans. However, I would always ask before bringing them anywhere as I know that not everyone would want a dog in their house.

I have had visiting kids who have destroyed lampshades and eaten me out of house and home, so it works all ways.

Laughable that you refuse to speak to your brother because it would be "rude" when you're happy to speak to everyone here as if you're better than us all.

You seem to think you're some sort of comic, but really you're just a bit shit.

doesn't sound like it's going to be fun weekend. maybe just tell to go directly home, save everyone the stress

Im not keen on having other people's dogs in my house. I don't have one myself but have had several in the past . They were a lot of work especially when I was busier. . I'm not sure whether you or husband made the original invitation or if they suggested the visit. If the latter they should have definitely mentioned the dog would be with them. I wonder if you husband had guessed they would be bringing the dog but said nothing knowing it would be a fait accompli on their arrival and that you would be under pressure just to accept it?

I'd still explain that you were not expected the dog though, and aren't happy about it so as to manage any future visits.

I assume the dog isn't an assistance dog but if it was then I'd feel I have to accept it as part and parcel of their visit. in any case.

We have a lovely dog, I'd never take her to stay at other people's houses.

Honestly the arrogance and stupidty of some dog owners astounds me.

As your dh doesn't care you'll maybe have to suck it up this time. Maybe a pa comment such as 'oh you've brought fido?' Then don't invite them again.

I have a relative like this. They seem to think that their dog is automatically included in every invite to parties & holidays.
I just reply with "well we are not bringing our 4 cats, chickens and horse with us so go figure"
Or something along those lines. Why do people think dogs are different to any other pet.

Why woud you presume that a dog that's being carried in a bag is healthy, instead of presuming that there is a good reason for the dog to be in a bag?