Is the dog invited?

[DoggyAuntie]

My husband's brother and his wife are coming to stay with us this weekend, on their way back home from their holiday further north. All good. They live in a big house with a garden whereas we live in a smaller house with a back yard but we can cope for a couple of days.

This afternoon, I looked at my sister-in-law's Instagram. She has posted photos of herself and her husband on holiday - with her dog!

I have not invited the dog. The dog had not been mentioned. I do not want the dog in my house.

My husband has said it's just one of those things. I feel they are being insufferably rude to expect me to welcome the dog into my home without even asking.

Am I being unreasonable?

Reading through the thread, it seems BIL was at fault for not checking the dog was invited and/or assuming SIL would assume the dog would be going on holiday with them, but SIL is just as much to blame for assuming everyone shares her attitude towards dog and that her standard is the norm everyone conforms to. BIL should have mentioned it. SIL should have asked.

That said, I get the distinct vibe that this is a fictional issue posted so OP can vent her feelings about dogs. Either that, our she's been living under a rock her entire life if she doesn't yet know that for most people who share their homes with dogs, the dog is indeed a member of the family. It's astonishing to me that it never once crossed OP's mind to clarify that the dog wasn't welcome in her house.

Obviously BIL, his wife and their dog will have to go straight home now, no visit. There isn't another solution. But, like I said,I'm not convinced this is real.

Perhaps I'm obtuse too, but It would never occur to me that my brother was going to turn up to stay with me for a few days and bring the dogs, and particularly not without telling/asking me. Nor would it occur to him to turn up to stay with anyone with them.

For starters, if he brought them to my house, my cats would eat them for breakfast. And they'd be jolly pleased with themselves.

Surely you know what they’re referencing though no?

Oh I’d hate this. I wouldn’t want a dog in my house. Mother in law turned up one day with hers for a cuppa which is fine I guess as it wasn’t for that long but I still had to mop after it left as there were paw prints all over the floor.

I don’t think they’re rude really

i think maybe they didn’t think. Or they thought you’d be ok with it like your husband

enjoy the weekend. Exciting stuff.

You might not consider a dog to be part of a family OP but the majority of people with dogs, do consider them to be family members.

Oh my god! Paw prints that’s just awful. Are you ok now? Did you need therapy.

Sorry @DoggyAuntie A lot of dog people on threads are batshit. I love dogs myself, but I don’t want to drag mine everywhere. I would call up and see if they want to do anything special or see anyone while they’re visiting and drop “Are you sending the dog to a kennel or getting a dog-sitter? Friends of mine are going away in a couple of months and they are trying to decide what they want to do.” They will either tell you that they had planned to bring the pooch and you can establish that boundary or read between the lines and realize that it’s not invited.

I absolutely wouldn’t have the dog in my house and exceptionally rude of them not to check with you first.

But surely you told your granny in advance?
It doesn't matter if you're related or not... its just common courtesy to say "hey the dog is coming too"

They are already away with ddog. It’s not a secret that they have the dog with them on their holiday.

This was an invite to drop by on their way back home.
Where do you think ddog would be going

The thing is dogs can't be left alone really, so that's why I'd expect it. It's not the same as rabbits. I have a small pet and it can be left alone. I don't like dogs in my home either but I would expect dog is coming or at least asked them not to.

Most friends would ask, but some people especially family, might presume.

Wtf?
Changed my vote to you abu simple based on your overly rude replies to people answering your question.

If they were on holiday with them, then yes.

My son's dog is part of his family but if he and his family are staying in someone else's house, he checks whether the dog is welcome. It's rude for your BIL and his wife to just assume that they can bring their dog to stay in your house without checking that it's OK with you.

I wouldn’t if I were you - it will set a precedent and next time you will be even less able to refuse.

Ffs, it's a dog,part of their family, your house doesn't sound particularly palatial what's the problem?
If they've had it on hols with them it's obviously been OK in the holiday accommodation ie hotel,air bnb,caravan etc.
I'd never visit you again if my dog wasn't invited.
Would you tell them not to bring their small children?
Little sticky fingers and kids potentially puking up can make more mess than a dog!

Print and plaster all over the house, garden, and street.

Well you've got enough gob about their poor dog and how rude they are about bringing him.
Be a big girl and put your money where your mouth is and tell them exactly what you've said on this thread! Bet you darnt say f'all to their face! Bet youre sickly 2 faced to them all smiley smiley! The dog won't come near you they can sense people like you

Pull the other one. Compromise isn't why you're sucking it up. You said early on "my bil and sil will think I'm rude and unreasonable"

I don't know how new your marriage is, but you seem to want to pretend to be someone you're not. Just lean into it, Petunia Dursley, with your small, clean house, judgemental nature and passive aggression. You don't get to have everything the way you want AND have everyone think you're a laid back, generous host whose house they just "love" going to.

I think that dogs can be described as 'part of the family' and their owners will grieve their loss when they die. It's still not the same as losing a human member of the family. Dogs can and often are replaced after they have died and their life expectacy is so much shorter than than ours. Losing a member of the family, particularly a child or a parent when you are young can affect your life for ever. Only in extreme cases would the death of a dog ruin their lives.

They literally DO make your house stink though. It’s not rude to say it when it is true. I know dog owners who admit the same.

Do you listen to radio 1? Greg James has been pretty insufferable this week going on about his dead dog. Do people actually care?

What are you talking about? Of course dogs can be, and are, left alone.