Is the dog invited?

[DoggyAuntie]

My husband's brother and his wife are coming to stay with us this weekend, on their way back home from their holiday further north. All good. They live in a big house with a garden whereas we live in a smaller house with a back yard but we can cope for a couple of days.

This afternoon, I looked at my sister-in-law's Instagram. She has posted photos of herself and her husband on holiday - with her dog!

I have not invited the dog. The dog had not been mentioned. I do not want the dog in my house.

My husband has said it's just one of those things. I feel they are being insufferably rude to expect me to welcome the dog into my home without even asking.

Am I being unreasonable?

They were rude not to check if there isn’t a precedence of them bringing their dog.

You have been rude in this thread and are attacking every reply.

Maybe they did ask your husband, and he was too scared to tell you?

To you. But to others their pets are part of the family. They get wrapped Christmas and birthday gifts like the rest of the household.

It doesn't matter what you think. Thinking doesn't make something so.

There's a difference between rude and forthright. I've found her responses rather amusing. People get so worked up about dogs. I wouldn't dream of going to stay with relatives and presuming my dog would also be welcome. That would be rude.

Contact them & say really sorry but I’ve notice you’ve got the dog with you; I’m afraid it won’t be able to stay for xxxxx reason but this is a list of local kennels you can leave it with for the few your with us.
they can like it or lump it

"Thinking doesn't make something so" goes both ways. Considering an animal your family doesn't make it your family's family.
Assuming dog is invited somewhere just because you've decided to consider it a family is rude.

I absolutely hate to agree with you because I think you’re rude, cold and unkind plus I think pets are absolutely part of a family and someone who can’t see that is the case for others probably lacks a lot of empathy.

That said I sometimes think dog owners forget that non dog owners may not want their dog in their house and that’s ok too. Nothing wrong with asking “on our way back from xyz can we come and stay, also we will have the dog with us if that’s ok?” And you can reply however you want. So I do think your relatives have been rude here too.

I once had a friend come to visit me and my newborn baby and brought their dog who is gorgeous and well behaved. But she didn’t ask and I have two elderly house cats so I simply couldn’t let the dog in as it wasn’t fair on them. I think she was embarrassed because she didn’t think. We just went for a walk and a coffee locally instead but still surprised me. It she’d said can the dog come I would have explained no and why and then suggested an alternative because she’s well within her right to want her pet there just as I am to put my pets first and say no. We were both lovely and kind about it and moved on, sometimes it’s really not that deep in the grand scheme of things.

I don't see OP as rude or attacking anyone.
She is just frustrated that dog people assume and kind of buldoze their way.

Feisty one ain’t you OP

”insufferably rude?”

I think you don’t know what that means what you think it means.

Perhaps they didn’t think to mention the dog.
Perhaps they thought you were aware of the dog.
Perhaps they figured they could find a place to board the dog in your town.
Perhaps they forgot about the dog altogether.
There must be over a dozen perfectly reasonable explanations for why they didn’t mention the dog - NONE of them rude and certainly none of them insufferably rude.

wow

I do not like dogs. We have had doggie friends turn up with their dog for the w/e without saying. Frinds' dogs and our cats are not a good mix.

I remind visitors that we have cats and if they must bring the dog it will be confined to the garage.

I own dogs. If I had them with me to be honest I’d just swerve the visit. No way would they be suffering kennels, I wouldn’t enjoy the visit.

So that’s the choice really, no visit if they have the dog. They can’t leave it in the car like a teddy bear or potted plant, I think you’ve got a slightly weird idea as to what this dog will do, and that means you can only really get together at their house from now on.

If your BIL was just coming for dinner, I’d expect him to leave the dog at home. But for a whole weekend? It's so hard to find a trustworthy pet sitter, so I bet the pup is part of the package deal.

Does your mother in law and the England women’s rugby team live with them?

Wow OP. Your DH must be demented. Well behaved supervised dog, invited or uninvited the least of his problems.

Lots of people consider dogs part of their family. You might not agree, but it doesn’t change the way they see it. You seem pretty judgemental. If the BIL & SIL are generally reasonable then maybe give them the benefit of the doubt that it was just crossed wires rather than intentional cheekiness on their part.

It really depends on whether you're flying or driving. Flying with a dog is a massive hassle, but driving is easy since dogs love car rides. It’s also much easier to leave them behind if you have a teenager or adult child who is happy to dog-sit at home.

Can’t you just talk to them about before they arrive? Are you certain that just because they took their dog on holiday? If there is enough time for them to make other arrangements, talk to them NOW. If you don’t, you have tacitly agreed to have the dog with no one to blame but yourself. There are hotels that allow dogs. Maybe you could suggest one in your area.

It was OP's comments, such as 'Read the thread, it is not my brother. Why won't people read the thread?', that I thought came across as rude. Brother or BIL, what does it really matter?

For God’s sake, why don’t you just talk to them instead of whinging on Mumsnet?

So no who doesn’t have kids are not a family? Very warped view bet you are anti adoption too.

What does that have to do with adoption?
A family is two or more generations or relatives (by blood or legal equivalent - adoption).
A couple is a couple.
Most people are part of a family, be it family of origin as a daughter/son/grandchild/sibling/aunt/ niece or whatever or as a parent, or both, but a romantic couple aren't a family - they're a couple, which is it's own unit and not "less than" a family, just a different word!

Still can be an each others family.

They are a virtual person to those who love them. That truth can be acknowledged and accepted, while still saying, “I know how much you love Buddy, but we prefer if you visit, you have someone you trust to care for him at home, or that you stay in a nearby dog friendly hotel, or make arrangements with a nearby kennel.” Try a little empathy while offering solutions. Honestly, it’s not that difficult.

You are being unreasonable to not just discuss it with them. For all you know, since you haven’t bothered to talk to them, they may NOT be bringing the dog.

Have they stayed with you before, and if so where was the dog? They should not assume the invite included the dog, but it seems they did, so you’ve got to go from there. You and your husband need to agree on how to handle it, then he needs to communicate it to his brother. It doesn’t have to be an ultimatum, it can start with “we noticed you have the dog with you, are you planning to bring it with you when you visit us?” Then state your concerns.