Is the dog invited?

[DoggyAuntie]

My husband's brother and his wife are coming to stay with us this weekend, on their way back home from their holiday further north. All good. They live in a big house with a garden whereas we live in a smaller house with a back yard but we can cope for a couple of days.

This afternoon, I looked at my sister-in-law's Instagram. She has posted photos of herself and her husband on holiday - with her dog!

I have not invited the dog. The dog had not been mentioned. I do not want the dog in my house.

My husband has said it's just one of those things. I feel they are being insufferably rude to expect me to welcome the dog into my home without even asking.

Am I being unreasonable?

This post would appear to suggest it's OP's brother who is visiting. But in other posts it's her husbands brother. Maybe this has caused some confusion.

jesus, don't people ever TALK to each other?
How do you not know your siblings (yes, sibling in law) have a dog and holiday with the dog?

I even know about my neighbours and work colleague dog situation! It's small talk, how can you have no knowledge of a sibling's life. And yet invite them over for a weekend.

And now you know, unless you are deadly allergic to the dog (which apparently they wouldn't know either because no one knows anything in this family)
just have the dog for the weekend. It's just a dog.

Saying 'the dog wasn't invited' makes it sound as if he/she should have received an engraved card requesting the pleasure of their company.
And my dog is most definitely my family, even if he is canine rather than human - he is my chosen family.

Dog lover here, would never make the assumption my dog was invited without checking way ahead of time. I’d tell them they’d have or get a dog friendly hotel.

Same.
But OP and her comments likening a beloved dog to a houseplant.... she can do one

I know they have a dog.

I didn't know they were taking the dog with them on this break.

Many dog owners on this thread have said they do not always take their dogs away with them.

Why is this confusing to you?

So you're causing a drama over something that might not even be happening then. Are you bored or something?

Quite clearly. Have you seen what time it is?!

I love my houseplants.

But they're not family.

I'd not suck it up. An animal free home is an animal free home and having a dog there for any length of time changes the status.

It's not about your way vs husbands way, it's about cheeky fuckers with dogs pushing boundaries and creating predence for the next time.

Your bedtime I think 🥱

As someone whose in-laws all have dogs, I do my best to ensure I don't have unexpected dog guests. But if faced with your fete/fido accompli, I would end up sucking it up too ie the inlaws and their bloody dog would stay. BUT there would be clear ground rules re the dog, like dog NOT allowed on sofa. Not allowed free reign of the house, etc

I think that's my cue to go to bed.

In my experience clear ground rules often don't work with dog people, because once they are in they don't see any reason to really follow them. Some ignore and some just doesn't try that hard and than "oops".

See all the threads abour ground rules at holiday homes (like no dogs upstairs) and clear disregard for the rules by many dog posters.

And, unfortunately, even many otherwise respectful and reasonable people cross the boundaries when their dogs are involved.

Ditto above

Of course YABU. It’s only for a weekend fgs……🙄

This doesn't seem a hard issue to resolve to me (and I am a dog lover and owner). Just tell them you will not have dogs in the house and sorry for any confusion. They can decide to house them elsewhere, which they won't if they are good owners: unless they have a proven and known avenue for this, or they send them somewhere unknown (which will be stressful for them in animal terms not just a bit pissed or but proper stressed, think constant fear, panic, even if you are being looked after properly).

Either way it solves the problem which is you won't have animals at your house which is your choice and perfectly fine.

I would expect they won't be able to visit you this time but in the future maybe with a planned in-house sitter or family cover.

Most of my family have dogs so it's probably weighted. I just don't get it.

Are you the poster with the blocked up hedgehog hole? That’s not a euphemism 😂

You post in very similar (confrontational) manner.

Anyway, they were rude to assume they can just bring the dog, whether they see it as family or not, a dog is not a person. It’s up to you how you address it, but I feel that if you ignore it now, they will continue to do this again and again thinking that it’s acceptable.

Just, why? 🤦‍♀️

This would annoy me so much. It puts you in a lose-lose situation. Either you say nothing and have to put up with it, or say something and it's awkward, or say 'hey you really should have told me about the dog,' but still do nothing. Argh!

So. What's the plan?

Would it cause major drama between you and your brother-in-law (& wife) if you told them that they were most welcome to stay. But the invite was for them. Not their dog?

btw... I've read all your responses (to some quite ridiculous comments) with the voice of Margo Leadbetter (from The Good Life). Amused myself greatly. So many thanks. 😂😂

There seems to be a pervasive attitude in recent years (post the Covid dog boom) that dogs are and should be accepted/allowed everywhere.

I think some dog owners have absorbed this mentality and it no longer even occurs to them that some people do not enjoy the company of dogs.

This did not used to be the case, there’s definitely been a shift in expectations on this issue.

Some people (mainly dog owners) don’t have a problem with it.

I do. I’m allergic to dog dander and it makes me very unwell.

There would be no negotiation whatsoever about the prospect of a dog being allowed in my house. Even if that meant turning a relative away from the doorstep and then having to find a hotel for the night.

Irrespective of my allergy (though I’m happy to concede I’m certainly influenced by it) I don’t like dogs very much. I don’t like the smell, the hair, the slobber, the toileting aspects, peeing on my lawn and I don’t want to share my space with one.

I think it’s incredibly rude to assume your dog is invited to visit someone else’s home.

Especially so if that home doesn’t have a dog (but even if it does I still think it’s rude).